FEBRUARY 11, 2003 – VOL. 13
- Gathering/ festivity in the Old House sponsored by Kuya Robert
- “The Second Coming”
– Unsure of the place – Old set-up Nanay’s ground floor area? – Very, very unsure – Entrance to Nick’s house (?) – Hazy – On the road, I board a vehicle – It seems this vehicle (passenger) – more like a mini-bus – intends only to pick me up – Once on board, it goes – There are other passengers heading my destination – Unsure where – I get off. There seems to be a festivity (?), unsure – From outside the door (Nick’s entrance?) I see a huge cloud-looking mass of white rice spread on the ground, slowly moving up into the house. I see 2 or 3 men (?). I go to my room – Hazy – I think the driver of the vehicle follows me and finds my room. It is given there is something hidden underneath the floor of my small room – This man removes the covering on the floor / something that covers the floor to expose – a different sort of patched with paper / pictures (newspaper pictures) floor – Running and slumping myself to the floor, I warn him not to do anything / dig / unearth what is buried under – Treasure – For I warn him, “SOMETHING’S COMING!” / “SOMEONE’S COMING!” – Something like this as I point to the door – outside – We all go out – and witness the growing map of slow moving mass of white rice entering all houses / establishments. At the tail of the mass of rice is a round stuff, the size of a pail mouth – An emblem of sort – A seal – of Jesus, whole picture, standing, carrying a book on his hand as if to hand over – All edges of the map of rice have the seal. I wail / shout, “He’s really coming! He’s really coming!” – “THIS IS THE SECOND COMING!” – I see a boy infront of a house / building where we are? – seated on the pavement, holding the same seal. Several seals are on the edges of the cloud of white rice map. – I talk to somebody –
FEBRUARY 13, 2003 – VOL. 13
- JAMES as my alias- Someone assigns that name to me- on the phone- JOEY (?). Hazy
TRIVIA:
After JOEY Marquez Kris Aquino entwines with and, eventually, marries JAMES Yap
MARCH 7, 2003 – VOL. 13
- Seated, my head / entire mid-body bowed as I enjoy feeling the mid-parted hair on my head (long) flowing (against) on both sides of my cheek – Am a medical student trying to memorize something – To my left, there’s an audience – Maricel Soriano is one of these people watching me (?)/ us (?) – I still have 5 more years to finish this degree – A scene where a professor / lady doctor teaches us how to memorize / study (what I am memorizing) a particular matter, up on the upper floor.
MARCH 8, 2003 – VOL. 13
- FLOWERING PLANTS OOZING OUT FROM BOTH MY EARS. Both plants have 2 different colored flowers (each) – Gumamela type of flowers – the one that seems closed / long / tubular. I am uncomfortable having plants in both ears. Though scared that I may injure my ears, I still try to pull them out of my ear. First try is not successful. I try again and the plant in one ear is uprooted. I see its roots – some round things in the roots – Then, the other plant from the other ear. There’s a guy beside me and I hand the plants over to him. I need to tell Bel (?). Unsure - about these plants.
MARCH 15, 2003 – VOL. 13
- In a theatre (?), I see a young man seated to my far left. Now, beside the boy. I see my left hand on his lap (he likes it). Am almost to touch his penis- In comes Tim in the front seat with a guy. He’s about to suck the guy- Suddenly, I am on a elevated portion of the place, as if to avoid being seen by Tim? Unsure about this.
MARCH 19, 2003 – VOL. 13
EAB’S SLEEPTALK:
“YOU CAN FIND THE NUMBERS THERE”.
MARCH 20, 2003 – VOL. 13
- I am on the right of way that’s filled with people watching / looking at the Old House. Old House seems altered / renovated – The stairs/ walls are open – There are children arranged choir -way, as if singing – It seems like a school for children – Unsure, but in the dream, I feel the Old House is already bought. People / relatives greet me. I go past Toying, but walk back to her and embrace her. I see Helen Tan carrying a boy (?) a bit far behind Toying. Nanay is seated quietly on a chair facing the Old House – She’s old, grey and pensive. Myrna greets me. I ask her how she is – “Are you sick?” By the garage, Nick’s place, there are people who’d greet me – women in their 30’s – They seem to know me. Looking at the dining area, there are children, too, arranged the choir way as if to sing – People in the garage look at the Old House, too. In my heart (still at the right of way), at least, the Old House is being used for children (as it was before I acquired it), perhaps, a school, again. One woman says, “Sana makuha mo ‘yan” pointing to the Old House (sounds this way) – “PARA MALAMAN KO KUNG SINO KA TALAGA!” – Say I, “BABALIK AKO!” Someone asks, “Saan? Kailan?” – I think I say, again, “Babalik ako” – Insistent, the woman who says, “Sana makuha mo ‘yan” points to the Old House – “Iba kasi kung iyan” (the Old House back to me). I face the 3 women. I propose something – “You want me to hold a special talakay with you? I’d call in my flock?” One of the 3 women raises her head to think of the free time she’d have to accommodate such a meeting with me. “10:00 pm…” something like this – In the garage, right side, I’d see Purita who delays / where flight is delayed? – Say I, “Sana sumama ka sa ‘min” or, she says that, “Sana sumama ako sa inyo” / “Isinama mo ako”. I embrace and kiss her – It seems the people on the right of way and the garage welcome (?) me – Sort of – Unsure of this. Is Nanay sick? I say to myself, I’d greet her later. – To the woman in the garage, I say, “Kahit saan bahay naman puwede (referring to the sale of the Old House to another person?) – “I can hold special talakay? I’d call in my flock to join us.”
MARCH 26, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I see 2 tall buildings. Each of the building has a big, square water container on top of it. The one on the left has the square water container placed on a square platform – the right one – not so sure. A voice echoes/ or someone asks (I don’t see anyone or do I try to find if there’s anyone around) if there’s a need to put water into the containers. Say I, “Yes” – Next scene, Bel comes and there’s another one (others?) with us. Bel to my left, while I am seated? The 2 others to my left (Nolan is one?). Earlier, as if something hangs up the tall building (on the right) or the background that is focused – the picture/ image of the right building? A voice is heard saying, “HINDI PWEDENG PUTOL-PUTULIN (ULO?), TATUAN (TATTOO)- BLOOD SPILLING KASI DADAMI SIYA!” – REFERRING TO ME/ MY PERSON/ MY BODY. Back to Bel, she mentions about the rumor/ word that gets to her, “APAT SIYA” – Bel affirms / philosophizes? – “TALAGA NGANG APAT SIYA”. “TAO”. “NANANAHAN” – There is a four-word phrase that Bel dissects. The two other words not mentioned. I am awed by Bel’s very profound/ wide understanding and knowledge of what I have. Say I to her, “Ikaw talaga ang aking …”. I am to say? Shadow? Support?/ Someone who walks before me? – Something/ someone like this to EAB / MANG-AALIW. A voice asks again if there’s a need to put water in the square water containers. Confidently, I say, “NO”.
- THERE’S A “CHANT”/ A PHRASE THAT COULD BRING DESTRUCTION WHEN UTTERED – A scene where I am in a room with a female student (?) – She studies her lessons (?) – I ask a page from her notebook. On the table near the double decker where we are, is a brown (?) envelope with my name (and address?) written on it – envelope’s torn. Another scene where I need another page. The student is out – I see her notebook with another notebook inserted in the pages of the first notebook – used as a marker / bookmark of sort. I NEED TO WRITE DOWN THE CHANT / PHRASE TO BURN IT – WRAP THE PAPER WITH THE CHANT IN ANOTHER PAPER AND BURN IT – SO IT’LL BE USELESS/ RENDER IT INEFFECTIVE. I AM AFRAID TO TEAR A PIECE OF THE ENVELOPE THAT BEARS MY NAME. ONE MOMENT WHERE I TRY THE ILL EFFECTS OF MENTIONING / READING THE PHRASE – I AM LOOKING AT VEHICLES ( HIGHWAY ) – NOTHING HAPPENS. THE PHRASE HAS THE WORDS “EVIL”/ (EVILO?) “LEG”/ “LONG” / “LEG OF EVIL”.
MARCH 28, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I see the phrase, “DOOM ME” (Could it be DOOMED ME?) “BOOED BY MEN” (Could it be booed by men?).
APRIL 6, 2003 – VOL. 14
- By the road, just outside a building (?) / the building that we (?) / Lucky is in (?). Lucky goes shopping, buys a frame – A scene in a big room with people in it – Mel Tiangco asks me how come the image / picture/ figure/ (her entity ?) is in different positions on pictures/ frames hanging on the wall – Mel goes towards the wall where different frames are hung. She points to several pictures where the Virgin Mary is included – She points to something /or something on Mary’s shoulder (on her right shoulder – up) and other areas above the shoulder and head where this “something” is shown in different places (left shoulder, above the head). Mel asks me to finally enlighten/ give the explanation to why such positions and not just one. All the time, Nolan sort of massages my shoulders and sort of pushes me / teaches (?)(Not really) what to say which pisses me off (the massaging of my shoulders which hurts (?) me) - I shout “Stop pushing me. Putang Ina!” Earlier, Mel asks the question that sounds like “What side should it be?” – Something like this – To her query, I ask, “How many sides are there?” The answer leads to this point – THAT ALL SIDES ARE GOD’S? – something like this – A scene, ( don’t know if it’s part of the dream ) where Gam says / asks Lucky (?) how many sides are there in the frame that he buys – Alma is asked by me (?) – as to how many sides does the frame have. I see 5 pillows falling atop each other – as if to give Alma a clue. Alma is sort of surprised when asked – Gam says if the frame doesn’t have 5 sides /or if Lucky is not able to know (?) / answer him how many sides the frame has, he wouldn’t be able to put his nice picture in it (with tie) /or that Gam will not allow him to buy the frame?
APRIL 7, 2003 – VOL. 14
- FIESTA- Nolan, kids and I are being attacked by a man on board a SAILBOAT THAT FLIES- He spots us from the sky- He maneuvers to directly hit us. There’s a man protecting us / helping us saying he drives this boat that flies- that even at night, one cannot use the line/ phone for love calls (?). There are people, too, running scared. I see we’re outside/ within the premises of a building (to my left). I SEE 3 LOW- FLYING MILITARY HELICOPTERS- Rescuers, I say. I leap for joy. I see some people on board military (?) trucks- We see Nick- Now by a store buying (?) something. I need food for us to eat (lunch time?). Since it’s fiesta , I could go to our neighbors (?) to dine- (those who have handa). But then again, it’s embarrassing. We wait for Nick to finish with his business- Looking closely, his clothes are sort of stained with grease (?) He removes some of his clothes leaving only his loose shorts. He sees us- He asks about my clothes- “Di pinapalit mo na?” (in pesos) He says he does with his dollars. Walking close to Nick, I say this man attending to him is Santi. I ask him- “Umalis na kayo doon/ dito ka na?” He maybe referring to the resthouse (?) but unsure of this- “Ibinenta ng insurance (the resthouse?)” I am looking for Rina who, perhaps, works elsewhere. It’s a store con bar (drinking). Answer to Nick’s question about the dollar- “ibinayad sa utang” (without changing to pesos). Santi’s store is in Crossing (not his store). Nick changes his dollars to pesos for the Fiesta?. Earlier, the sailboat is without a sail.
APRIL 8, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Theatre – Seated, watching among the crowd with a huge pillow (white cover) lodged against my face. There’s a man with a camera who takes shots of every man watching – They perhaps don’t mind – but I do – The pillow still covering my face doesn’t deter the man to take shots of me – I evade him. A scene in another area (?)- this man and myself. I would hold on to his camera, distort it, try to break it – Says he, “SISIRAIN KITA” – something like this – “Bakit?”, I ask. “PARA IPAKITA ANG KABAKLAAN NILA (NG LAHAT NG TAO)”. Another person, a woman (all dressed-up) – a friend of this man. I slug something into her mouth. Likewise earlier, I’d do the same to the man – on his body (?) / against his body – with the woman. I feel Tim and Nolan’s presence. Camera looks like a cell phone.
APRIL 9, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Gam, Tim and I are in America – in a big yet modest house – Gam seems to be serious – working (?) inside the house (?) – Later we’d go out – We’d see MEN, BOYS BEING DRAFTED / GROUPED TOGETHER FOR THE MILITARY – ASIANS, FILIPINO-AMERICANS – even point to Gam a Filipino – I see several Filipinos with American citizenship – One seems to be unmindful of his situation – Gam mentions that the AMERICANS ARE SO MAD / THERE’D BE BOMBINGS (?). Unsure of bombings – THERE IS AN IMPENDING ASSAULT – I would feel a little lost – It’s dark and Tim walks very fast – We pass by several houses – Filipino- looking houses – squatter- looking houses – Filipino- style – where Filipinos dwell – It’s night time – Gam and I call out for him – He’s very far from us. We think for awhile we’re lost – Tim waits for us – but I call him because the big bag I carry is getting heavier – Gam walks ahead. Tim comes and holds the other end of the bag – a little reaping sound on the bag – I instruct him to grab part of the leather (of the bag) – We are going to the church – Gam’s intuition – He’s very afraid – Later, I’d see him holding a rosary and praying – an act which sort of “offends” me - Am watching him move – Is he crying? – He now holds a small plant with flowers that he intends to bring to the church – He intends to bring some more flowers – I tell him, “Give me”/ that he offers the flower to me – He doesn’t seem to listen/ unmindful of what I say/ perhaps he doesn’t hear me? I’d see Gam kiss the rosary. – Earlier, I’d be in someone else’s house in America – An old (?) woman’s house – Don’t know if the woman’s house is the same as the house where Gam and I are – Now I feel estranged to this situation where I need to watch my move (?) / feel appreciative leaving in someone else’s house in America. I’d see some children watching TV on the sala – One child holding on to a small pine tree (inside, lower front of the TV). YES, THIS IS AMERICA – AND PINE TREES ARE A COMMON SIGHT. Later, I’d see these children (or one of them) bringing in the small chairs (plastic?) I see lined up in a huge lot infront of this house – perhaps they’re having them rented – I guess there’s a household help? / or just this not so young woman / girl who’d say, “No” to the question if the chairs are being rented. Back to the first dream - We’d pass by a huge, old theatre where several people are outside (children?). There’s a foreign man / American coming out of the gate – The compound has both the theatre and a Catholic church inside. Am trying to read the name of the theatre – and the movie showing – Tim jokes / mentions the possibility of having a gimmick place – A kid who passes by us (along with 1 or 2 others) hits me in the butt – as if to second Tim’s mention about the theatre – Earlier ? I’d see Gam bend over to buy some more flowers from a woman vendor (?). – Asking Gam to give me the flowers he intends to bring to the church implies a very significant thing – I feel it in the dream – THAT ALL PRAYERS/ OR AT LEAST, GAM’S SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO ME, or so it seems this way. – Seeing boys/ men being called / drafted, I feel a sense of confidence - being a Filipino and not a Fil-American – thus I can’t be drafted in – in America, that is –
APRIL 16, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Focused – My face looking like Collin Farrell bemoustached, bearded with sideburns – LOOKING YOUNG? Unsure of this – with hair, definitely, on the head and face – It’s dark, though –
APRIL 17, 2003 – VOL. 14
- A child/ baby (a year old?) in her crib (girl) would speak these words to me- “GUSTO KITA” (twice?)- when I peek at her. Beside me is the child’s mother (a celebrity? I forget who). Says the mother- “MAY IBIG SABIHIN YAN!” (baby’s statement).
APRIL 28, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I carry the image of St. Peter – I am to dress him up – go to a tailoring
shop. There are lots of BarongTagalog hanging – The man who talks to me ( maybe the tailor ) thinks I’m going to use Barong Tagalong on the image – I’d say a jersey-looking cloth / tela. He sneers at it – suggesting the BarongTtagalog. Next scene, I am smashing something (the image?) against something (table?) – The stuff I smash turns to / flattens to a thing that resembles the edge of a key (St. Peter’s key?). On my mind, I’m going to heaven? Unsure about the thought, whether in the dream or after I wake up.
- Entering my former room (Nanay’s house), Tito Dick and his family sleeping on the bed. Nolan leaning against window pane facing ______ Street while Kris Aquino, leaning against the wall where the piano is placed (back of the wall). I am in my briefs (white). Kris gives me a gum- type plastic ring and tries it (string-type) on the finger. Says she, that it’s Cory’s ring – Mentions something about a Saint (Lady Saint). I say, I’d put it on my pinky finger – try it on my other fingers. Say I, “Pang-girl ang ring”. (A little flower? on top of the ring). My hands, as I look at them with the ring, look like a girl’s hands – because of the ring? I exclaim wearing the ring “MAGKASAMA NA RIN KAMI NI CORY” to Kris’ delight. A scene Kris says – “Malaki pa naman titi mo?” ask I, “How did you know?” I guess because I wear only briefs – Ask I again – “You want to see it?” Kris says “Yes”. Kris with her usual pouting expression – Noticing my relatives might be bothered in their sleep, I suggest we move out and transfer to Olan’s room (which is now my room in the dream). Silently picking up my stuffs on the tokador front of Kris / near Kris – cell phone? and others – We stand up. Am in Olan’s room now – ahead of them. I notice myself in briefs – A thought comes to mind – myself in briefs in a magazine – but I guess the showbiz folks would find out am gay – despite my gorgeous body and rugged looks, they grow cold on me - Kris mentions about a sea travel that I would go through – and that this ring serves as a protective charm / lucky charm of sort.
MAY 6, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Out – Looking up to the sky – I talk to God? Unsure about this – or just talking to someone (?) – Part of my speech – “EVEN IF I DON’T HAVE MUCH, I HAVE GOD – that means I HAVE EVERYTHING”.
MAY 8, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Mila M. and sister, Lita – Are we in Nanay’s house? Unsure about this – (downstairs first) – Mila and I talk (?). She learns of my interest (?) over Lita. Hazy – She goes up and into my former room (?). There’s another woman inside. Door partly open – They can see me (I go up, too). I seem to be lying down under the divider between the area where the piano is and the dining area. Lita sits (as she studies her lessons in school?) on the sofa leaning against the window (fronting _______street) as I roll around and stand up later on. This woman inside my room would point to me (Mila inside) – as my printed (nice) polo shirt is unbuttoned and shows off my body – Earlier, as I roll lying down, I notice I only wear briefs and my bulge is showing. Lita mentions about Mila and herself in Europe – Mila having a REVO and she __?__ (I can’t remember). She transfers from the sofa to the place where I am – under the divider. She asks a question about those who have not and those who have. Olan listens as he is to my right. I answer, “TATANGGALIN NG DIYOS ANG MATERYA”. Olan laughs it off.
MAY 10, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Am a guest in a palatial (sprawling?) house surrounded by bodies of water / river? / sea?. One corner of the fence, there’s a STATUE OF THE BURNING BUSH – Hazy.
MAY 18, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I see myself hang a golden rosary on a wall nail (over a crucifix / on top of a crucifix). Nanay who’s a bit / a few feet from where I am sees this and she sort of approves (?) / nods. On Jesus’ head (crucifix) are two horns that I think are moved accidentally by my hands to a wrong position. I try to adjust them – In the dream, I feel the “usual” position of the pointed end of the horns is upward. After doing this, I’d find myself reading the Bible (?) – a particular verse where I see the words, “HOOVES” – A verse that describes / mentions the hooves, horns of __?__ . Unsure if it’s Jesus’ – I see the word “RUSSIA”.
- I am reading the TIME magazine cover – “RUSSIA” THE MOST DANGEROUS __?__ . The face of the BEAST / EVIL on the background with its horns pointed downward – THE MOST DANGEROUS __?__ (WEAPON?) – Unsure of this.
MAY 19, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Sleeping in a room with Cathy, Brian, I HEAR 3 LOUD EXPLOSIONS – It worries me – Suddenly, a woman’s voice, “Tao po! Tao po!” and aiming her flashlight right through our bedroom – Cathy is awakened, hesitates to stand up – I don’t stand up – unfamiliar house. Gam in another room – not awakened by the woman’s call. Earlier, I’d see myself / hear myself talking to someone (?) – unsure of this. I say, “THE WORLD WILL STOP – FOR ME.” – Then the loud explosions. I’d see Brian lift himself up / assume a sitting position but with eyes closed. I put a pillow under his head as Cathy assists me.
- Nanay’s house – right side. Area by the window as you climb up the stairs – I am about to sit on the sofa (can’t be possible) facing the windows. Bel seated on a chair leaning against the wall (by the window). I tell them, “MAY PERA NA TAYO”. Jee, Alma and Gez can pay all their debts while Bel, I say jokingly, goes to America. Seated now, wearing eyeglasses, I cry – My eyeglasses swelling with tears (swollen eyes due to crying). I point to my eyes saying, “MAY PERA NA, MAY TATAWAGAN NA” – meaning some of my flock never call me. I point to Nick saying he never calls me. Don’t know if, indeed, we already have money (psychological dream?).
- Unfamiliar place (Resthouse ? not Pansol ? Olympus). I look at
Pictures, again, taken at the resthouse i lose (Olympus), though the place doesn’t look like Olympus – much better than Olympus. Shots at the back of the resthouse (?) where Diana Zubiri performs. There are chairs set-up for guests / viewers. I exclaim, “Imagine, mag-iimbita ako ng artista?” telling this to some people that include Nolan and others. I ask Brian if he’s present when Diana comes – I think not. But I see Brian in some photos – but not during Diana’s presence. Nolan says, I invite Jao Mapa, too – Seeing a photo that resembles Jericho Rosales but really not him. I ask Nolan, if indeed, I invite Jao Mapa (to clarify). Another picture of Diana that shows many clay pots that I use to decorate the place. A picture of me (?) /or one of my nephews infront of the new house / resthouse – It saddens me to remember the resthouse I lose though the façade is different from Olympus’. The area infront of the main house seems distinctly different, too, compared to Olympus – though the resentment is over a lost resthouse (Olympus). Where we, are as I converse with Nolan, (as I look at the pictures, sealed) seems to be the very place where Diana visits – Unsure of this. I wonder how I am able to reach Diana and Jao – through Alex’s friend reporter?
MAY 28, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Sort of getting together in Nanay’s house – Relatives (?) / friends. Next scene outside – leaning against the wall of the Old House, near ______ Street – by the right of way. Facing Nanay’s house – Nanay’s with me to my right and there’s Olan’s group to my left – There are several others infront of me, as if a small audience, but not – Am telling Nanay how amazing it is that I have 2 people who believe in me (abroad) – Purita and Marina – Tim comes from somewhere and stands right infront of me, his body touching mine – I push him softly away from me – Say I, “Masagwa – para tayong mag-aano” – I see Onggay, Baby B. and other relatives / friends (?) numbering about 20 plus – like a choir chanting, “MAHAL SI MANG-AALIW!” – as if they just feel like saying it repeatedly. – Altogether saying aloud, “MAHAL SI MANG-AALIW!” I feel elated and at the same time embarassed (?) – I look behind me and see some people at Lilia’s store look on at us – What’s the “little” commotion / shouting of sort is all about – I see myself wearing a sando – very casually dressed. Say I, “I have a prophecy” – seeing Olan and about to say, “Olan will soon follow” / “believe me” – but I guess I’m not able to say it because of the group’s, “MAHAL SI MANG-AALIW” chant – I see 2 women approaching – selling their stuffs – One with a card-like merchandize and the other something placed in a not-so-big a box – Pissed, I go to them and stop them from selling their trade – to a point am able to push hard enough the hand of one of the 2 women whose arms are raised to show their trades to the small crowd. Say I, “YOUR TRADE IS NOT WELCOME HERE!” What dawns upon this small gathering of relatives / friends, I do not know – For sure, I say to myself, other people would expect I heal them /or that I have HEALING POWER – but in this dream, I have yet to have such a power / I don’t have the Healing Hands, yet (?). The women traders are synonymous to the vendors / merchants at the temple during Jesus’ time – Am about to tell this to Bel / wanting to tell this to Bel who is not shown in the dream. Being hailed as MANG-AALIW without my white uniform feels a little odd but – encompassing – ethereal.
MAY 30, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I see these words written somewhere;
REND Jun(e?) 3
TEND J3
BEND WALANG KAWALA
LEND *
46
46
45
- By the stairs / mid stairs, I’d see on the wall to the left, all these letters / words, numbers flash- blinking then disappearing one after the other- “JUN / J3 - walang kawala (?), 46 46 45”- SEEM TO BE WRITTEN/ REPRESENTED (type of letter/ writing) by BONES? HUMAN BONES? / A SKULL (?) also appears. EDU MANZANO appears as if joking / making clown gestures / funny gestures (once appearing). Earlier / prior to this scene, I see ghosts / spirits of different people in a house that’s dark and by the stairs of (side / exit stairs) a building. Ghosts appear like whitish, smoke (?) like images – coming and disappearing.
* The word “Rend” in the Dictionary means – to tear apart / split into pieces by violence; to remove from place by violence. –
- Inside a house, my eyes open. I see darkness, yet able to see the stuffs / furniture in the house and nothing appears. I close my eyes again - fearful – but not as much as before (younger days). I’m determined to fight them off. Putting on a fierce / raging facial expression – a growl would make me feel a little braver – Focused is a glass lamp hanging from the ceiling. From the top, the focus / camera (?) comes down like a horror movie – lamp trembles a little. I close my eyes (shut) – yet, fearful of what comes out – to attack me / hurt me. But, I’m determined to fight. Closing my eyes –. I feel like being zapped from being awake to being in a “reverie”.
JUNE 4, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I have nice locks- don’t know whether or not I’d have a haircut- cleaner look- I AM YOUNG?- not given- just an assumption. I am with two guys- Tim and another. I think I do have a haircut- Bangs/ hair on my forehead flowing as I like it.
JUNE 5, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Walking around / wondering around with Tim, Nolan (?) behind me. I enter a church – as you go further inside the church, its interior fascinates me. It’s very wide inside – different areas – with balusters / narra / wood balusters – On a higher level, overseeing/ overlooking a group of men going down the stairs, there’s a man with a mask (supposedly representing Jesus) only his body is exposed – from the neck down, his usual self. Can’t describe his attire (casual pullover?) – This church is a Cathedral of sort – An office (?), big one – Oliver and I at the front desk / counter of the priest’s table / office surrounded (counter) with balusters. Oliver and I examine a “SPECIAL” BOOK – The size of my notebook – The book has many illustrations of animals – rats, snakes (?), incredible-looking creatures – Am amazed at pointing (and searching) out that all these animals are mentioned, aptly described in my very own book. Oliver intently examines / reads the church’s book – There’s this priest who mentions the importance of their book – Emphatically, I say to him, putting my hand (right) on my book, “I HAVE WHAT / ALL I NEED (IN MY BOOK)”. The priest then searches / locates for his book which he claims is lost – He goes out of his office – perhaps to report it – On my mind, he may have us searched – but nothing of his book will ever be in our possession – A scene where Cathy wears a sweat shirt (sweating) – Given that this Cathedral of sort is near my place (What place?) – There are churchgoers / people in the church. – The priest’s attire is not the usual dress – more special than the usual. – I see Brian, Tim, Nolan – just can’t recall circumstance/ situation – I see the word “ME” (?) – talk with the priest – to rely on (?).
JUNE 8, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I am wearing a DARNA costume as if I turn out to be the Darna in a movie (?) shoot. – Later, I’d be the “Darna” – role DARNA. A group where there’s a guy (or 2) who mocks me – as I tiptoe on a ledge submerged in water (?) wearing / being Darna. I’d take revenge (?) – throw big (as a ball) rocks at them. They would lift the stone to throw back at me – They couldn’t lift it / them. I’d pound something using my hand / hit the table (?) with my hand – tough hands. I’d fly with my left hand on top of my head and the other stretched out. I describe to Nolan how the position of my hands will be. Darna- as if a movie shoot, an acting- trying to be a straight man (?).
*June 13 – Purita’s Birthday (Bearer’s sister)
June 29 – Nanay’s Birthday (Bearer’s mother)
JUNE 10, 2003 – VOL. 14
- In an unfamiliar house, upper level. Under the house (silong), enter 3-4 teenaged boys who sleep there. I go down and see there are beds (about 3-4) where these boys would lie down. I go and suck the first boy/ the boy on the first bed.
JUNE 11, 2003 – VOL. 14
- I’d find myself lying on the ground (right of way?) anticipating death / how it would be like to be dead? – Anticipating a bullet through my head. Nanay calls my attention (She’s in the house?). I’d tell myself, this is it – Death – and I’d pretend (?) to be dead. – Almost fronting Nick’s garage / door entrance.
JUNE 12, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Hazy – My right bears a name. My left 2 names – All 3 names attributed to me/ are my names.
- I wonder somehow why Jee uses/ buys YELLOW CANDLES instead of white (the required color)
JUNE 14, 2003 – VOL. 14
- A scene I see a sign on a wall – “TRAINING” – AIR FORCE – My name is included – THIS SCHOOL (?) / TRAINING PROGRAM IS NAMED AFTER ME (?). I, excitedly, tell Cathy to write this name down – fearing I would forget it when I wake up – Olan is present – I am proud to see this / share this, that a school / training program is named after me –
- Unfamiliar place – I have a girlfriend – in an office? / place where I see 1 or 2 men with my gf. A not so young, mestizo guy comes up to me. I remember him as a former gimmick (his younger days). He just kisses me on the mouth and I kiss back passionately – My gf sees this – The man beside her would say, “Mas masarap ito” pointing to us – as if to say I like what I do – kissing this gorgeous guy – since I like guys better than girls?
JUNE 17, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Hazy – As if in the Matrix (?) (Sci-fi movie) movie, a man asks, “SHOULD / WOULD YOU CONTINUE ON?” I SAY, “YES”.
JUNE 18, 2003 – VOL. 14
- On a tight embrace- from shoulder up focused- with a handsome guy- not sure who- for 6 hours (?)/ or 6 days (?)/ 60 days (?). Very unrealiable period of time.
JUNE 19, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Am in an unfamiliar property – Lot / ground with a man who demonstrates the power of his gun which has a different shape – big barrel / mouth. He seems Chinese – but am not certain – wears a moustache (young mid- 30’s – 40’s). He makes / shoots his gun, at least, 2x – or do I make the other one ? Not sure of this. He puts his gun back / keeps it in what seems like a fenced area of the property. Seems he has lots of them (guns). Not certain about this. I’d ask him what he uses for service (car). From the hood, like a camera moving, the car would be focused. A Mercedes Benz – stretch? – He gets in his car. A familiar guy arrives – not so young. Someone I know in the past. A little stouter now – chinky eyes. Sort of his bodyguard / assistant. I would suppose he’d like me to get in, too, but I excuse myself saying I’d just take the bus / public transportation (as I do, coming here) going there. His car leaves – Am walking out of the gate, I see another of this man’s guards (in civilian clothes) at the gate. From a distance, I’d see several tourists (female) would take shots of this property and run off as if they’re being chased / pursued. They reach the spot where I stand waiting for a ride. These tourists (?) would pass the 2 rolls of films (in boxes) to another woman / group – perhaps their allies – running still. I would find myself included in the “running bit” – There’s someone who passes? Or do I grab the films from someone? Not sure which – with the 2 films in my hand. I would jump and cling to the metal tube at the door of a speeding / approaching bus and make my entry through the window of the bus – so I could escape / run away from the scene fast. Bus moves – not too far away. The bus would make little stops. I decide to get off the bus and think of taking alternative rides so I couldn’t be tracked down. I think I reach the area of TARLAC (?) / __?__ north provinces / cities. Maybe watch a movie or 2 – to lose my pursuers. Taking short cuts / routes that could mislead my pursuers. Am shocked to find that there’s sort of a celebration on the road – Dancing on the road – costumed dancers – Roads are nicely / decoratively done – tiles, rocks of good materials adorn / make up the roads / pavements – In one town, I’d see this “Chinese” ? Not sure if this guy is part of the dance / presentation act along with several dancers – different groups on different roads. I evade him – Quickly turning back – in what I think would be a safer route. I’d meet this Chinese? man’s assistant – The familiar guy I meet earlier. I’d hide again – jump over a tall fence and hang on the back of this fence / wall (My hands clung to the edge / top of the fence). Suddenly, I find this assistant’s hand rising from the fence or this man’s hands would be offered to me? to get me up / out of the fence. Getting back to the main road (from the back of the fence), I’d see several men with broken glasses in their hands, all aimed at me (?). I do not look like myself but another person – young, cute / handsome – wearing a sort of torn, sleeveless, slimy / like a snake skin but not – shirt. These men do not plunge their threatening broken bottles in my body – but they move to the beat of a song (Britney’s “Protected”). Finding my character / self dancing, too. Suddenly, like a zap, I’d be seated on a theatre chair with 3 “durogista looking” guys infront of me. The sight of these broken bottles aimed at this handsome guy, supposedly me. – now, a movie actor on the screen and now, the situation I am in a while ago, becomes a movie on the screen that I watch in a theatre would make my shout, “Aw !” – fearful of the broken bottles to be stabbed on the actor’s / my body. This irritates the 3 guys infront of me, my shouting “Aw” 2x? They are giving me dagger- look stares. One guy to the right would sit on the lap of the other – as if he’s being fucked – but uncertain about this. I see the bare (?) back of one of them – the one on top. One guy stands up (right side) and transfers to my row – The chair to my right seems vacant. He sits there and takes my hand. I feel he’s about to cut / inflict wound on my finger – a blade – shaving blade – but, later I’d see / think it’s a syringe. He pricks my finger with this. I’d shout again in pain? Or being caught by surprise – startled by his act of cutting / pricking my finger. Is it with a disease / virus? AIDS virus (?). – Earlier, checking the 2 films. I notice I take out not films but 2 passports. I wake up from this dream because of what the guy does to my finger. – I see Ciara Sotto as one of the performers / dancers. I feel there are other ABS-CBN stars there – performing with others.
*Ciara Sotto’s “THE WAY OF LOVE” (for God?)
- TWO (?) BOXES OF YELLOW BELLS FROM KOREA TO BE SHIPPED (?) / DELIVERED?
EARLY JOURNALISM YEARS
1950Manila Times Newspaper Reported (at age 17) Manila Times War correspondent in Korea.
JUNE 20, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Going back to my apartment (I don’t know if it’s Baguio), I see through the window outside there’s a kettle (?) / cauldron on a burning stove – already boiling / simmering. Olive is in the bathroom taking a bath. Next scene, it’s Purita inside the apartment. She comes back from the U.S. and goes directly to my apartment. She doesn’t want others to know she’s back. Ramil arrives with Purita’s luggage. He comes after her. Purita looks slimmer, fresher – Face (smaller face), long hair. Ramil looks decent (a sign perhaps, he has money). Then, they are to tell me something – It’s Purita’s lending business with Ramil – I WARN HER ABOUT “USURY” – THAT’S A BIG SIN IN THE BIBLE. I look for Olivia – It’s given Olivia calls earlier – talks to Nanay. Another scene outside (?) I see signs / posters on metal stands – Seeing “DED NA MISSION” – Sign says “DED ANG MISSION” or “DED NA MISSION” – Say I, “You will become rich, but you will be condemned for it”. – I say, “Bagay kay Ramil” usury business. Ramil makes “sundo” to Purita at the airport.
JUNE 21, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Unfamiliar place. Ray is seated on the floor with another (?). He tells to visit Pina in the hospital – Supposedly, Pina visits Bel or Jee ? – Bel is confined or Jee ? Instead, she gets confined, too. Ray says, “Sumasakit nga kili-kili”. On my mind, afraid to visit / hesitant to visit Bel – Have no money to give them. Ray reminds me that, “ALL - EDDIE” had is in _________ (?)- to perform. He says, “Hindi sine-share ni Nick”. IKAW LANG ANG MAY HIGH INTENSITY – according to Ray. Is it the will of Ray? Unsure of Ray.
JUNE 26, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Suddenly, there’s me with Nolan’s parents. Chet would be showing to me her friend’s property in Quiapo – very nice property with a garage. Chet seated inside the house (sala area) and I beside her as we examine the place – We’d see how nice the interior of the house. We’d say “materyales fuertes” – I sort of question why they don’t buy it – “Nasa Quiapo eh” says Chet /or Teddy – Something she says why she is able to bring down the price 17 million to 7 million / or 10 million- unsure of 7 million – It surprises me – It’s cheap somehow. I peek outside through the door and view the vicinity. Infront of this house are stores – On the right side, as if part of the property is an office / store with the owner (?) doing business with some people/ running the business. On the left side of the property is the garage and some areas for some plants (?). I entice them to buy it (?) They’re going off – Chet gets inside a car – at the back seat – and Teddy to the passenger jeep – He is to drive it. It is to be Teddy’s birthday tomorrow / the next day – He makes “parinig” I could send some pulutan – “laing” or menudo – He says menudo is good and masarap. I can only nod / say yes – I wonder who drives the car where Chet is – I’d go to Chet and bid goodbye. She’d ask what I do / engage in – I say quickly “real estate”, several in my family are in real estate – Say I. They do not know that I am Nolan’s friend / MANGAALIW – or so it seems I hide my true identity (?). I shake her hand. I’d shake Teddy’s hand well. The vehicles are parked. – Don’t know if I easily say “Real Estate” to just crack a conversation / topic for a conversation, or I am really “active” in Real Estate – thus the visit to the property. – Teddy sort of invites me to join “drinking” as he gets to the driver’s seat (jeep) which I ignore because I do not drink. Teddy looks different, or so it seems – Unlike the man I see in Nolan’s video. – In asking where I engage in, I suspect Chet would be / is asking who I am – Am ready to answer “Bong” – Instead she asks (?) what I do – Part of the conversation – If they buy the property, they can do business / use the property for business. – Am I making a sales talk? God forbid! It means there’s no mission? That the prophecies will never come true – God Forbid! – I’d say to Chet “Real Estate” is bad / down nowadays. – Ted mentions the word “Gabi” for leaving.
JULY 1, 2003 – VOL. 14
- Susan Roces at the backseat of a car. To her left, is me. She talks to LA standing right inside the car, leaning against a wall. Susan mentions about the things Purita sends them. Says she, “She sends you cement / block / concrete cement (?). She sends you __?__. As if to remind them what Purita does for them. For a moment there, I would think of Susan as Purita? Not certain about this. Then LA’s cellphone rings. It’s Purita on the phone. It is given, too (by Susan?) that they receive / get money from someone – that Purita entrusts. – Conversation / phone conversation with Purita. There’s a store that I see / draw? – I TELL HER GOD STOPS HER FROM WHAT SHE’S DOING / INDULGING IN. I TELL HER GOD FORBIDS HER FROM CONTINUING.
JULY 2, 2003 – VOL. 14
- A stopover in a province on our way to Baguio. A typical provincial house – There’s a celebration / handaan / wedding ? We are to eat there. I see a very wealthy Chinese man (couple?) Unsure if he’s the owner of the house (host of the handaan). I intend / plan to invite him to come to my place (?) – Though I think we’re inferior to him (wealth). Are we still in the same financial predicament? – I hope he sees my sincerity - ? Table is cleared, I still have my plate full of food. Nolan, Tim and the rest (Cathy, Brian, Oliver) are out – They bring their plates somewhere (another house? Unsure). There’s a middle-aged woman who comes in – Sort of gives an advice (?) to us – regarding __?__ I forget – She intends to eat. Since the table is already cleared, I offer my plate of food – Lots of rice. While she goes to the kitchen (?) / another area of the house, I sort of fix the rice on my plate. Some pieces of viand / meat under the rice. She takes my plate and eats. I go out – foyer of the modest house – I see Nolan – I look for Cathy, Brian. I see Oliver with backpack and urge them that we carry the plates back here (the ones they put elsewhere) for some good image? I see the street, by the foyer, modest area / province type. I go back inside the house – where there is music playing. I play Lea Salonga’s song – “ON MY OWN”? – I play it a little loud. Lea’s voice crystal clear – nice – I’d like the people to hear. We have lots of tapes (?) / CDs?
TRIVIA:
My gay friends of many years, Tim, Oliver and Nolan (original members of the flock) opted to leave and pursue their personal lives outside the Mission and away from man who claimed to be Messiah just as Judas betrayed, Peter denied and Thomas doubted Jesus of Nazareth.
- Tim talking to me – He pours out his sentiments – “BORED NA BORED” na si Tim – He says he is – Somehow, I understand his weariness?
JULY 6, 2003 – VOL. 15
- In an unfamiliar room, there’s a very old man lying on a bed – At the foot of the bed is another bed where Jaime, Lorna’s daughter, lies down, as well, in a fetus position. This old man is a “gimmick” of mine – I check if Jaime looks on but her face is covered by a pillow – In an effort to make this old man disappear, as I don’t want Gam to find out about him – I’d wish (?) for him to disappear (?) – Another scene where there’s a man who holds a stick (wand? with beaming light at the edge / end of the wand – He’d chant something to make the old man become a horse – Taking the wand and making a circular movement with the wand, raising it up as if inviting some power from the skies / heaven – The old man would leer at him – After awhile, a flying creature appears, left side, up in the sky – As it reaches the right side, the old man sort of gets zapped by this flying creature – The old man is the flying creature itself – It (the spirit of the flying creature) sucks up the old man – Old man’s spirit (?) pursues the flying creature – and they’re both gone. Earlier, I would hear someone say, “A YEAR OF NOTHING!” – Am ready that Gam finds out about the old man.
JULY 7, 2003 – VOL. 15
- With my kids in an upper floor of a house / building – Am drinking water (?) – Suddenly, I cough out something / throw up something – I go to the window of the house and cough it out – I see the glass am holding – broken on the side – I swallow some of the broken glasses / slivers of glass and cough them out. From where I am, I see three (3) people – A lesbian (?), a woman and a guy on the ground, as if to enter the house (?) / building. I don’t mind them as I am more concerned with what I accidentally (?) swallow – I walk away from the window. Inside (?), these 3 people would approach me and inform me that I nearly (?) /or I do, (?) accidentally, pour my vomit on them – I apologize and tell them what happens to me – It seems we are now by the door of the room under the Old House dining area – They are to leave. This lesbian mentions about paying for the medical expense – It interests me. The woman companion (?) hands over to me a P500.00 bill and P100.00 bill (?). Unsure how much P100.00 bills, as if there is a smaller bill – as if the amount poses as earnest money. The rest is to follow. I don’t know if they sense my eagerness to avail of their help as I sort of delay / stop them from just walking away – The lesbian is accommodating, honest and very concerned about me. Nanay pops out and asks, “Ano ba ‘yan?” or what the commotion (?) is all about. I do not answer her. She goes in – under the dining area. Looking at the side of the mirador area, I realize that the 2nd floor window is not that high, where as where I am throwing up a while ago, I feel it is – It is the Old House, indeed. Several times in the presence of these 3 people, I would cough out pieces of glasses / broken glass. I do not know what triggers it, but I have this sensation in my stomach that makes me want to puke / throw up – Throw up the broken glasses. The woman companion would introduce herself and the lesbian (the guy?). I cannot recall their names. With the money she hands over to me there are pieces of paper, receipts and others – As the 3 get to their top down car, parked inside the entrance (stairs of the Old House?), I would see Bel and LC (?) pop out to glimpse at the lesbian who drives the car. Unsure if the lesbian drives the car. She’s beautiful though. Soon as they’re gone, I would check out the pieces of paper given to me – Their names are there – at least the lesbian’s – She appears to be a restaurant owner (?) and a doctor (?) – Unsure of her being a doctor. There’s some sort of a black ribbon – or a pentel pen (black) writing on the side of the paper. I remember this lesbian giving out their address – business address. I see that address, too, on the paper – Can’t recall the address – It bothers me somehow – what to tell them – maybe I’d consult a doctor and just ask what I need to take – so I can just get the hospital (?) / medical money she offers – but, then again, I could just tell them the truth – that I use it and divulge am a bit okay. I cough out several pieces of glass again which I show to __?__, I forget. It seems some of my flock is there (?). Next scene, I see 2 young women playing guitar (each of them). The girl on the left sings and plays her guitar while the other simply plays the guitar – She has a nice voice – On the wall, I’d see sort of a dark brown piece of wood with names of students written on it –
JULY 7, 2003 – VOL. 15
- A scene- by an unfamiliar street infront of a building / establishment. Putting bamboo- made little fence – “X” shaped/ arranged pieces of bamboos on the side, front of the property – As if I do this earlier, sometime before – While on the side of the property, there’s music playing. I’d think of it as the “BAHAY KUBO” song overlapping with another song (two songs played as one). Later, to realize because I sing it, it is the “LITTLE DRUMMER BOY” song – A Christmas song and that the bamboo fence am putting around the property is a Christmas decor. I can still feel every word of the song as I sing it in the dream – The X-bamboo is pre-arranged (?) or is like an accordion type fence / door.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
- Tim, Oliver and I on ______ Street (?) – It seems we are infront of Aguilar’s house (Unsure of this and ______ Street) – as if we are lost – I say to Tim that it’s like the Rotonda in Baguio – perhaps, _____ Street is developed already into such? Unsure of this – whether it’s _____ Street – or, it’s developed like Baguio Rotonda – Oliver walks towards the street heading for the market place (if it’s _____ Street). I say to him later that it’s not Baguio. As if a voice, I hear these words – Or, these words echo in my head – “WHERE YOU GO (WHEREVER YOU WENT) YOU’D ALWAYS GO BACK / STILL BACK / RETURN TO THE OLD HOUSE”. Said twice – It makes me cry – almost waking up – feeling tears coming out of my eyes.
JULY 13, 2003 – VOL. 15
- FLASH/ PASSING – A SMALL NEWSPAPER ARTICLE WHICH BEARS A TITLE – “EDDIE LINOS GLORYA / GRACIA”
JULY 14, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Two (2) mountain bounty / treasure hunters (tribal treasure hunters) – go on board a boat / semi-large boat – looking like a native boat (Kumintang-looking) – The boat is more like a ship – Hazy – One of them is a killer (?) – One is a powerful man – Both go on board this ship – I would sit. One of these men would sit beside me – I say it’s hot. It’s drizzling (?) – I’d stand up and go to the deck (?), upper, where there’s a railing – Overlooking the lower deck – I see Bel bashing her head on the floor – like crazy – I see a knife / bolo stuck / pierced to her head as she hits her head against the floor – Some of the flock are there. I call her name, “Bel, Bel”. She hears my voice, faintly though – “LOOK UP! I AM HERE” as if there’s a faint sound of clapping as some people, (perhaps my flock) hear of my statement (“I’M HERE”). “I will see you tomorrow”. Bel is now listening, stops moving around looking for me – Can’t be sure if she looks up - She is pacified hearing my voice – and the anticipation that I’d see them – I see Jee – feel the presence of others – Her group – Complete statement – “Bel! Bel! Bel! I’m here, look up!” – (2 xs?) – “I’ll see you tomorrow”.
TRIVIA:
METROBANK AD “M Here” came out August 26, 2004, Philippine Star
JULY 16, 2003 – VOL. 15
- In Georgie’s house (?) (with Inday present)- There’s a hunk of a man similar to Niño’s body/ physique. We go to another area of the modest house to make out. He’s naked (?) I notice two pale brown markings on his upper chest- nice body. I ask him about the markings. He just smiles. His phallus is similar to that of Niño. He stands naked while I am knelt on the floor. We would transfer to another area as I notice we can be seen through the window. Georgie is in the CR (outside the house?). Suddenly, it would seem like Nanay’s house but not because of the connecting CR’s. I’d like to go to the kitchen CR (?), Nanay’s setup. Inday doing something/ walking around. A scene where I ask the hunky man about his being a Security guard. He talks about his class cutting and his friends. I ask “Nagtraining ka ba diyan?” something like this. Fancy dream. I can vividly remember/ feel his phallus/ nakedness- I give him 800 pesos.
JULY 22, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Nolan, Tim and I rejoice / enjoying an article (newspaper) about being VP (VICE-PRESIDENT) in lieu of my prophecy – I write down on the paper my own title, “Last chance / Bet at being 2nd __?__” something like this – Though, on my mind, my prophecy is that am going to be the President? – THE TOP POSITION – Do I see names in the paper (different article)? It is as at this stage, am placed at the 2nd slot – close to the topmost position I dream about (prophecy).
JULY 28, 2003 – VOL. 15
- A voice/ someone telling me to stop going out / gimmicking/ hustling guys (?).
JULY 30, 2003 – VOL. 15
- I WOULD SAY- “I NEED IT IN PEKING”- ASKING FOR MONEY? Unsure of this.
AUGUST 4, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Beginning of the dream hazy- I cannot recall- In a fence area (small chopped branches of trees as fence), I would see Tim, myself (Nolan? Unsure of him), a man looking like Santi who, I think, doesn’t recognize me, guy #1 and guy# 2. I am just seated in one corner with my legs spread on the ground as I watch the others having some kind of game/ fun. Can’t remember what it is. Is there a small audience- Bel? and others? Very unsure of this. The other guys with Tim would be sort of moving around/ roaming around because of this game (?) Tim smiles/ laughs. Am afraid Santi would remember me especially when I call out/ mentions Tim’s name. A gay dressed-up like a Voodoo Priest (?)- not so-comes and talks about himself-that’s an expert? (not mentioned)- a professional- someone knowledgeable in treasure hunting (?)- that he can easily get the type of women needed in this ritual stuff (pokpok-type of girls). I would whisper to guy #2 to tell this gay Voodoo Priest to send/ bring us three girls- as if I really like them and to show the other guys Santi and others, I am as heterosexual as they are. Guy #2 would like the idea. This Voodoo guy would do something to guy #1 that would make him lose consciousness (sex? Unsure of this). Santi would openly disagree with what this Voodoo gay suggests they do. Next scene, this Voodoo gay would concoct something. From where I am seated, I see him standing holding a long metal object with a cutter-like edge nestled on the ground. There’s a small olive-like fruit- more like a bell pepper/ chili that looks like an olive fruit. He’s to include this to his potion- a gravy-like substance that he puts on guy #2’s and Santi’s penises. I would see these two men, earlier, caressing their penises to make them stiff. This Voodoo guy now puts the potion on the two guys’ penises. Next scene, I see Santi and guy #2 holding their long stiff penises in their hand detached from their groins. Like a roving camera, the shot is from the top of their heads. I could see Santi no longer has penis between his legs. He holds his penis like a knife/ an instrument to defend (?) himself against an opponent- or so it seems that way. I am just outside the fence- my hands/ elbows nestled on the fence as I watch. I ask the Voodoo guy how it happens- the penises detaching from their groins (without blood). He says the potion would make their penises CRISP. THERE’D BE THUMPING INSIDE THEIR GROIN- PUMPING OUT EXTRA LENGTH TO THEIR PENISES- BEING CRISP, IT NATURALLY DETACHES FROM THE BODY. I ask again- how it’s going to be put back/ attached to their bodies (penises). HE SAYS- “SURGERY” I see this Voodoo guy go to where guy #1 is- lying down on his chest. He pulls him up (kiss him?)- unsure of this- and throws him to the right side area to make him wake up?- which he does. He (guy #1) goes up to guy #2? Earlier, the Voodoo guy goes to guy #2 and does a licking motion to guy #2’s penis. I think for a while, he’d suck his penis. I see Santi and guy #2 holding their penises in their hands and running their penises on each other’s body. Santi running his penis in guy #2’s body and vice-versa as if they’re in a duel of sort but not more like a ritualistic act. Weird! I think Santi, guy #2 are chosen because they’re young? Also Tim, earlier- I remember Santi’s elbow brushing against mine. In one scene, one of the guys’ side abdomen is focused. I see the words written on it (on his skin)- “POWER OF GOD”
AUGUST 8, 2003 – VOL. 15
- In an unfamiliar place – A very modest area (very modest house). There are Tim and Nolan and myself in a room. I am to pee at the back area of the property. I turn on the light to brighten-up the backyard – Nice spacious yard / back of the house. Big place / spacious modest place – Night time, I go to another room, 2nd floor (?) – unto a terrace like area of the house – 2nd floor? I see a not-so-popular foreign singer writing songs in the wee hour of the morning – He has his own building in this modest area – out of his earnings (?) – Quietly, I go back inside the house so he won’t notice someone watches him – Crawling past a wide bed of children asleep (it’s dark). Mel’s kids are part of this group, as well as other kids (unfamiliar kids) – I see a tall looking boy – A scene all these children stand up and go toward the terrace to watch this singer. I see LA and some others (?). I feel happy knowing LA is around – Next scene, this singer gets pissed – Someone throws walis ting-ting over to us – I summon the children to get inside. Other neighbors are out, as well – Maybe these neighbors know him and protect him (?) – Raymond Burr, looking pale and old is part of this neighborhood which has knowledge of this singer’s existence in their area – Next scene, a not-so popular male singer (I forget who) witnesses this foreign singer’s performance and concludes, “Sisikat siya, sisikat siya” – A scene with the foreign singer singing his would be song – A trio with 2 Filipino singers (male) – Song is something like, “IT’S IMPOSSIBLE” (?) – Unsure of the song – Foreign singer sings the first lines of the song and then the 2 Filipino singer – It is as if they are on a stage-like set and they come / walk down as they sing one by one. One of the Filipino singers would sing his lines infront of a woman (Filipino) and make indecent dance movements (fuck motion) as part of the act – A portion of the song sung by Filipino singer which I like – (sense of style). It seems the kids (Mel’s kids) are with me? Very strange? And very taxing – Weird! It’s “madaling araw” – I guess some of the neighbor’s kids will go to school now – Mel’s kids and others no longer go to school? – Some details are forgotten –
- A quite big unit / room – where I kill 2-3 centipedes. Nolan is doing something at a table (?) studying (?) – I SAY I DREAM ABOUT CENTIPEDES AND AM AMAZED AT THE ACCURACY OF THE DREAM – I have centipedes here brought by __?__. I get my alcohol (the one Gam just buys last night? Unsure of this). Pouring alcohol on the centipede – It goes (?) / crawls to different parts of the unit – under something – a table (?) / closet (?) where I pour alcohol on a lizard, little mice (?) – From the window, sunshine / rays of the sun come in and the alcohol on the centipede and some areas burn for a while and is put off immediately. I wonder what Nolan studies / tries to study – Seems like the boarding house (Intramuros), but not – I open some sort of a cupboard (?) where I see some creatures inside each square division. I pour some alcohol on them. They sort of react to the alcohol. Don’t know if they die – I see some spiders under the last square division – I go to another area of the place – It is an old house – The owner must be abroad and rents out this house – There are 2 doors, one on the right side corner – if you’re facing this room and one in the middle shut by / covered with a square wood with curtain on top of it. I enter this room as if I enter first, one room and this room is another room with a room / connecting rooms. I tinker with some stuffs on the small table I see on the left side of the room – There are old pictures of days past of a woman (perhaps, the owner) during her younger days. (1940’s - 50’s) – I see a card, a letter (love) telling her husband (I forget the name) that she loves him – (long letter) – I open the door beside this table – oversee the neighborhood – perhaps, some boarding houses, too – I proceed to the corner door – open it and see another huge room with lots of closets / aparadors with imported clothes, mink / winter clothes just scattered (some) in the entire room – Some closet doors are open – I decide to close this door and open the middle door – removing the square wood placed there to shut it – It seems like a bed – perhaps, we can use it as such – Just as I get back to the corner door which I close, I find it open and the middle door shut again. Opening the middle door and closing the corner door, I find the corner door open again and the middle door shut. This house must be haunted – As I view, earlier, from the other room the connecting door through the middle door, I find the place more spacious – It seems to me, what I have can be stirred by the ghosts (?) / this haunted house. Later, I would have a reverie – A piano playing a particular tune – nice music and I do try to remember the tune – Am able to – Suddenly, a woman’s voice echoes – perhaps, the woman owner (in the picture) telling me if I could remember the tune (piano music) I could know her? Or, remember her – something like this – Odd! – Earlier, I’d call on Nolan to witness the opening of the corner door and closing of the middle door – but, he’s busy studyng? – This property / house seems somewhere in _________(?).
AUGUST 9, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Hazy – Nanay to slam herself against a wall – to go through (?) it or what? – Hazy – I see a snake slither inside a big room – Inside it is a chandelier-like snake – ALL SNAKES IN CHANDELIER FORM – The one snake slithering becomes like it, too (?) – Unsure of it – They fight each other- hitting each other’s body (snake). Details I forget.
AUGUST 10, 2003 – VOL. 15
- I hear a Christmas song playing- “YOU’RE ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS”- (male voice). On my mind, it’s just August. I think of what Jee says about Christmas songs being played as early as August.
AUGUST 19, 2003 – VOL. 15
- I put mascara on my lashes – and curl them with a curler (*I have never done this in real life) and proceed to a store to buy rice – The rice grains being sold are bigger, more stout – 3 types of this kind of rice are available – One whiter, lesser white, less-white – As the woman picks up the rice, I realize it’s expensive and try to buy the lesser white rice. Later, the less-white rice – it may be cheaper. But, every time I ask this woman the price of the rice, she doesn’t speak / say the price audibly / loudly / clearly so I can hear it – So the last type of rice (less white) actually costs something like P40.00 / kilo. There’s a square container of rice (which has rice in it) – the usual shape / size of rice (but has very little stones in them) I choose this one instead – but change my mind – There are others inside the store with this woman – They would sort of intimidate me – not return my money – A girl would say, “Yung totoo sa malapit na mata ko” – something like this – that she could see whether I am lying or not about my money – A reaction to what I say that the types of rice (earlier) are expensive and that I don’t buy such expensive types – I’d say, “Ang mga tao nagpapa-sosyal sa bigas”. I would be worried that the people behind the counter would notice my mascara – I’d look on a mirror and check if my mascara is pretty obvious – Not really – There’s a little curl in the mid-lash – I draw my face closer to this woman who checks on the veracity of what I say. There’s a boy and a man with these women – The man almost blocking my sight of them – He is infront (seated) of me – Am pissed here.
AUGUST 25, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Set in the olden times, 50’s? or older? – I am a call boy – along with many others in a cheap joint – Dexter Doria is our “mamasan”. One or two call boys are my friends – as if I have “sexual relations” with them? Very unsure of this – Lou Diamond Phillips is also a friend of mine (callboy, too). He comes a little later – I see some tattoo on his hand – and some tinea flava (an-an). Nolan says to burn them (on the neck?). That we have some local medicines – He disagrees – He says back home (U.S.), they have a kind of medicine he uses. I show my right hand / which has tinea flava that I burn with salicylic acid – A scene I go back inside (am outside) the joint with Lou. I see the other callboys lined by (seated), at the bar (?). One of them (the first on the line as if talking on the phone, wearing a white cap) is Niño. Am still out just peeping – It is given, I outgrow my emotions for him. Am elated about it – A scene am inside trying to get out – There’s this counter where I would try to climb up but then, lifting it up would be better – seems the counter is a small restaurant of sort (front?). Outside it rains. I see some military men? A modern car and some other, earlier, shades of modern times. I ask this- “Is this not 40’s or 60’s”. Afraid to be caught by police? / military men, I try to go to the other joints? (like stalls). I tiptoe or evade rain – flooded (just a little) sidewalk. I hear some news about callboys / girls being rounded up (?). “CHIPA” is the word used in callboys / prostitutes – I think I’d kiss Lou on the neck?
AUGUST 28, 2003 – VOL. 15
- On the road, walking – I stop by a small store (to drink?) – Under the table / counter, there’s a pig tied and a chicken (?) – A man inside the store accuses me of kicking the pig which I don’t – I deny it and walk away. Am to take a ride (jeep) – go to the other side of the road when I see a group of men – afraid they’re from the store – Standing right beside a foreigner (man) guy with his Filipino boy lover, I’d smell the foreigner – I am behind them – with freckles even. I say I could probably savor a foreigner’s kiss this time if he were my lover – (As before I wouldn’t or I don’t prefer them / their scent / smell). I carry something with me – Walking away slowly from them, am at the back of the foreigner – Our bodies touching. The foreigner has a lighter which he lights up a bit (just tries to ignite it) – A way of making me go away / distance myself from him. We stand on an elevated portion – The thing I carry in my hand (supot) falls to the left side of where we stand. We are infront of a church – I get irked by this – Getting my stuff, I guess, I curse him – Am now infront of them on the lower plane – The foreigner, also pissed, says these words, “that blood would ooze out of my body” when I get even with him – I say, “YES / TRUE BLOOD WILL COME OUT OF YOUR BODY” – something like this. Maybe he gets frightened, summons a woman vendor to hand over $100 bill – I hesitate (?) / maybe I’d get part of it – not the whole $100 – Just then, the statues standing as part of the facade design of the church, move – One woman statue gets this woman vendor – as another statue, right above the center of the church, comes near, as if the camera zooms in – The statue has a thrombosis? (long, tubular nose of an elephant). Immediately, it goes back to its position – zooms out again – The vendor disappears – Hazy. – A scene where I still walk – Right below me (overlooking) is a small narrow area surrounded by water? Or at the river bank is a small area where there are people – rehearsing – Stage play of sort – Later, I’d see them perform – They crawl, slide on the floor / stage (part of the act) – There are black men / gays as actors. They slither like snakes, having some pieces of rugs underneath their bodies / sides so to enable them to slide easier. Side of the stage, I’d see the players. There’s a small / short climb / stairs where they slide / pull their bodies / push their bodies to get up the stairs and down. – Hazy.
AUGUST 30, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Purita focused, though not at all looking like her – Talking about Ramil – that she will try to follow my advice. She notices my “coughing” – She says “UBONG PANG LAMOK” – “BA’T KA MAY UBONG PANG LAMOK?” –
AUGUST 31, 2003 – VOL. 15
- HAZY – I see Purita (?) reading the text messages i have in my “OUTBOX”. I ASK HER IF ALL HAPPENS AS FAR AS MY PROPHECIES ABOUT RAMIL ARE CONCERNED. SHE SORT OF NODS / SAYS (?), “YES”.
SEPTEMBER 2, 2003 – VOL. 15
- By the door of Nanay’s house staring at the SIGNS above (?) the window of the Old House (mirador area, front of Nanay’s room). I SEE 3 DIFFERENT SIGNS ON A PIECE OF MARBLE-LIKE TABLET. I would see a man / guy to my left, infront and another to my right. The guy to my left is also reading the tablet, counting the images/ drawing written there – Next scene, we’re in a scuffle – I get something from inside the house behind the wall. A small tube / metal tube. We reach the sidewalk near entrance (right of way). The rest, I forget.
SEPTEMBER 3, 2003 – VOL. 15
Comes Brian (my son) from his room? - HE SAYS TO ME I AM TO DIE AND WHEN I DO, I’LL NEVER (?) COME BACK (not given, but insinuated? Unsure) – SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT THAT I WON’T COME BACK – Someone is with us (Don’t know who?). Brian goes inside (what? Not sure) – lies down on a bed and reads? I follow him, am able to see he cries – As if on the wall (on the side) are written words (to the effect) that he would suffer in his life when I’m gone (be hard-up). He says something like, “O, ‘yan patay na” – I SORT OF ENVISION MYSELF DEAD – EYES CLOSED – I embrace Brian to comfort him – ON MY MIND, I WILL COME BACK IN ANOTHER BODY? / FORM TO HELP HIM. I would picture / see a woman sort of guiding some children / a child – I’d think of / promise to come back (?) one way or the other to guide / inspire him (or my children?). Next scene, am telling Tim that I’d die at 16 / 17 (?). Tim would exclaim something to the effect “BATA” / YOUNG – “O, BATA ... ” – Hazy
- In an unfamiliar house, Nolan hands over to me several pictures – On top of these pictures is one picture with me, Edu Manzano and Nolan (?) in it – All 3 of us seated on high chairs / bar chairs. On the background is a wide wall full of curtains. Nolan cautions me about one picture (this picture?) where the right uppermost portion is sort of torn (?) – The head of one person in the picture (Nolan’s?) is sort of erased (?) / affected – Nolan says it’s shot in our former Makati property – Another picture, also outside of the (back/side yard) Makati property. Amazing how I could see another image from the same picture – the picture showing what is shot (eg. the people), yet I SEE ANOTHER IMAGE – AS IF A TRANSPARENT / PLASTIC SUPERIMPOSED ON THE PICTURE, THEREBY ELICITING 2 DIFFERENT IMAGES – but why can I see this – Nolan doesn’t. I simply describe it to him – A picture where I see a book shelf, counting even the books on the shelves (one shelf has 6 books). On top of the shelf is a card inserted in a nail / nailed on the wall – There’s another stuff on top of the card – I can see only the date on the card, APRIL 3, 6686 – I say this to Nolan – Am surprised at the 6686 year – The trick is, seeing the “other image” from an ordinary picture / usual picture, is to not directly look at the picture.
- A flash where Nolan mentions a particular word (?) which I forget. He says it means- “MANSION (?)/ PALACE”. Unsure of the meaning.
SEPTEMBER 5, 2003 – VOL. 15
- Am in a sort of mall (?) / clinic talking to the secretary (?) at a counter table – Dentist am I looking for? – Lally is with me holding my BOOK OF PROPHECIES. I leave. Lally and secretary speak – It seems the woman secretary wants to look at my book – Lally pulling (softly) my book from the woman (opens it?). I go back to this woman. Lally gone – There are several pieces of torn paper for writing down one’s name (info sheets). My name EAB does not fit on the paper and I would get another – and another. I notice later, Dr. Roy S. is seated beside me. Still am trying out to write down my name __?__ / __?__ my paper. I am able to get a cut-out paper of a fowl (duck? swan?) – A fowl with long neck and legs. My name won’t fit again. Dr. Roy S. would ask if I would treat merienda (in jest) – I forget the rest –
SEPTEMBER 10, 2003 – VOL. 15
- I am a flying man in this park – Am in a park – A scene where I am in a huge covered playground area – There’s a boy who I ask why the area is full of litter. I see some trash on the floor – Not much kids (perhaps, 2). Still in the park, I see a father sort of whips his little child – The child is put in a cage (?) being carried by the mother (?) – This angers me – Holding the father tightly in his arms, I order him to undo what he does to his child (trying not to be heard by his family). I look at him intently – His eyes turn reddish / sort of crying. Next scene, I see them in a balloon store as the father buys his son a balloon. – The child doesn’t get it – I think (?) the father buys several pieces of long tube balloons which the child embraces and lets his body fall on the balloons – I am hiding against a wall, just observing them. I would then fly after seeing the child happy now – It seems I am “THE FLYING MAN” who, perhaps, will be known by a lot of people because I fly – Am wearing a costume (?) with a cape – In the covered playground, I think I do some flying stunt, too. – A scene where I wonder how it feels like to have all that wind blowing against my face as I fly – And I do feel that, later, as I fly furiously. AM A CRUSADER OF SORT – I SEE / FEEL MYSELF FLOAT / FLY IN THE AIR SO LIGHTLY, LIKE A FEATHER – ZOOMING MY WAY UP (a la Neo in “The Matrix” movie).
SEPTEMBER 17, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Ray and I in an unfamiliar house / bedroom – He talks to me – Am puzzled – He’s nice to me where in fact, “he dislikes” me in real life (or so I think). He’s sort of leaning against a wall while on the bed and I, on a lower bed (?). He tells me about a digging project – that Daddy – suggests he be the one to dig which, of course, he disagrees to(and so do I, as well). Daddy’s too old for such – or so I think that Daddy gets a little “selfish” (?) about the loot? Ray’s haircut is nice – His locks straight and being blown by the wind – Do I stroke his hair? We are a few feet (distant) from each other – I START TELLING HIM WHAT 2003 IS ALL ABOUT, OR SO IT SEEMS – OR MY OPINION OF IT – THAT IT’S THE YEAR TO BRING BACK “THAT” WHAT IS LOST – (properties?). It gets a little hazy in my mind – I forget the details – IT’S ABOUT THE RETURN OF WHAT IS LOST – could be the properties – Scene of the return of something lost – There’s a radio playing from far below me – corner of the room (left, if you’re facing that corner). At my foot, below me still, is Olan, who I ask to turn the radio off – It plays nice (?) music though – but somehow, something gets muddled up with the music and I get irritated by it / them – Brian, I think, turns it on and leaves the room – I see him at the door, just as he exits. I see Ray cover himself with a white blanket. Is this my room in _________? The spacing of the room seems the same – Unsure of__________. – I think I see in a Vision or Thought the muddy /or how muddy the digging project is – Seeing Daddy who may have a hard time with the mud?
SEPTEMBER 18, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Many people inside a church (?) – Hazy – A group of people talking / in a meeting – I’d hear these words, “PAPUNTA / PUPUNTA NA KAY BONG B. (EAB)”
SEPTEMBER 21, 2003 – VOL. 16
- REVERIE at about 7:30 AM – Position while sleeping – lying on my left side – My head / ear leaning against a pillow while another pillow on top my right side ear. My right hand nestled on the pillow – The familiar sound – I wish Nolan (who’s scratching my back) and Tim would not make noises, so as not to disrupt the Reverie – Such a great familiar sensation – I enter another “dimension” (?) (If it’s so) – Something __?__ the stage where you first hear that familiar sound / wiggling sound / noise – On the other level, darker (?) – I know, am pretty sure it won’t be disrupted – I am in (the reverie) – I hear the sounds – NBC radio sounds / music while the reverie is on going. The radio jock speaks to me – sort of – TELLING GOD DOES NOT / WILL NOT WANT US TO GO THROUGH STRIFE AND SUFFERING (FINANCIAL, I GUESS) AND THAT HE’D LIFT US (?) UP – though not sure if it’s said this way – Something like He’s going to make us be “Redeemed” (?) from our ordeal (?) – Something like this – I hear such beautiful melodies – smooth, jazzy, soothing music (the kind NBC (?) station plays) – I remember the radio jock’s voice – I do hear his voice on the radio – A scene where I hear Ray’s voice calling out for Olan (?) – not sure – and Joepot (Bel’s brother) as if am below him (Ray) and he’s stepping out from where we are – I hear Nolan’s voice giggling / laughing (2x?) – A scene where I see a very high ceiling with a square opening – wishing that my mother “sees” and “believes” in what I do – I see sort of a metal grill, supposedly the grill / steel cover of this square opening – as it lands right smack on the mouth of the opening. A scene where Tim, Nolan and I are in a square (?) room – to make them believe in me. More, I’d wish for God to lift me up / levitate physically from the floor (even a few meters / a foot high) – with my arms stretched to my side. I do not know if I do levitate – There’s another one in the room (a brother? of mine) – not sure who – A scene where I seem to be lying down – Above me – high above me / my head – like the sky high – I SEE AN APPROACHING / MOVING BRIGHT LIGHT – LIKE THE SUN SLOWLY COMING OUT – Its rays / brightness mystically appearing from the darkness / dark of night / dawn – It’s given – It’s the Blessed Virgin Mary – coming out – and I weep – And I say / call her, “MOTHER . . .” and slowly the wiggling sound / wiggling noise comes again – Slowly fading away to signal my exit, as it is, likewise, my entry to this reverie/ beginning of the Reverie.
- Am to insert my dick inside my trousers – Open zipper – My dick is cut in two (2) – As if it’s nothing – as I do see / feel nothing. I insert it in.
SEPTEMBER 25, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Hazy – Coming from the direction of the Banga Spot (?) heading for Nanay’s house, I see on the right side (where I walk on) lots of food stuff being sold in stores __?__ - I see chicken (cooked?) and other meats (one on top of another) in Lilia’s store – There’s another store before it (can’t recall whose) – Walking on the left side of the road and peeking at the Old House (mango area), I see it has a gate now and some people staying in it (left side of the Old House). I hesitate to look closer – Upstairs, 2nd floor, Nanay’s house as you come up the stairs, sala area, there’s a round table where my flock is – I see Bel, Jee and others (I don’t quite see) – Am holding a talakay – First, am seated at the side of the round table facing the window (facing the Old House). I AM GIVING INSTRUCTION ABOUT THE SMALL COIN-SHAPED “LIGHT” ON THE PALM/S OF THE FLOCK – which, later, I find to be just a round cardboard tied to their hands – I would find both my ears pierced. I say about the round thing on their hands to let it stay there for 1 week – Later, saying they remove it, “Mukha naman tayong tanga” – Later, it would be told Albert and Ace to read about these stuffs, as well as my ear piercing (A ritual thing) and try it on my __?__. I slowly or someone else slowly removes the needle from both my ears – Nick arrives kind of late and says he’ll eat first. Jee comments, “Kakain pa, eh!” Earlier, I would see LA at the mirador of the Old House (?) – Later, as I head for Nanay’s kitchen, I will see him at the dining area (Nanay’s house) and pinch his one ear and ask, “Sino’ng nakita mo?”
SEPTEMBER 26, 2003 – VOL. 16
- A HUGE CHURCH IS LEFT UNDER MY CARE – Beginning of the dream, I see Niño hangs his washed clothes by the entrance of the church (?) – A scene where Tim wipes the wet floor (of the church). There are rugs / carpets just as you enter the church and on the side of the church (just as there are doors at the side) – Left side door carpets are wet (from the rain). I tell Tim to just remove them (about 2 carpets) and one in the middle of the church (?). On my mind, I could take these carpets / rugs home, but then again, I guess I can’t (with the knowledge they come / belong to the church). I put them away / keep them and get them when needed. Niño is just around – I think of him as strong enough to carry these carpets, but I just let Tim do the task – A scene where I am by / pass by a window (2nd floor of a modest house) – overlooking a “baras” / steel bar where I see a man who strongly resembles Niño working out / lifts himself at the bar – tan, lean body – It would, later be Niño (later on) who’d do the baras – I wouldn’t want him to see me looking or so that he’d think I do. I see some familiar shirts hanging (Earlier) (clothes he washes) – I feel Cathy’s presence – (in the church?) Unsure of this. – Scene where I see the gorgeous man (and Niño later) does the bar – Similar set up in the resthouse kitchen window where I can see whoever does the bar (but not the resthouse place). Church seems similar to ______ church (inside, but not specific place / location given) – Too presumptuous to even think that – Basically, all churches have the same lay out / design, thus the similarities – Feeling of animosity evident between Niño and myself – More coming from me.
SEPTEMBER 29, 2003 – VOL. 16
- REVERIE between 6:10 am - __?__am – Entry to the Reverie – I doubt if I could enter this dream/ reverie because of the morning glare / brightness, but I do get in – If I open my eyes, I know I wouldn’t see anything – Can’t remember if it’s dark (?) or bright – I wait for something to happen – I HEAR ONLY HARP MUSIC – End of Reverie.
- ____________ house (?) – Am by the stairs – There seems to be an agreed (?) meeting. I agree (?) to it with Gam that I meet with some people (?) and some members of the flock – Cathy (?) and Nolan fooling around – running – I get pissed and order Cathy (?) to start cleaning the house – She doesn’t move / she just continues playing around with Nolan – There’s someone with me by the stairs – Can’t remember who / don’t know who – I guess I sort of yell – expressing my disenchantment or change of mind over the planned meeting – I go to my room – Later, opening Gam’s room and finding him there (his back to me) watching TV – Say I, “Nandito ka pala” – I explain to him I can’t go on with the meeting – that I can only meet with “My flock”. Gam gets sort of pissed. Is he lighting up a cigarette? – Unsure of this. Am standing by the door – He aims what he holds and squirts it to me (lighter fluid?). The can looks like it – I seem outside walking – pondering what I just say to Gam – that I can only meet with my flock – A query on my mind that he can always ask – “Aren’t you for the entire creation / people?” I’d immediately answer, “Yes” – They are- for later – The flock first – as if it is the flock that I should commune with / pacify (?) / teach first – and then, the rest after / later – Am infront of a very huge and beautiful house walking towards the left, as if leaving – Then, walk back toward the gate to enter – I carry something in my hand. There’s a taxi parked infront and a man delivering a small bird cage. He puts it on top of the gate post (left) – I softly affirm what he does saying, “Okay”. He leaves – Am staring at the house. As I open (?) the gate, I see a small sign attached to the ceiling that says NET 70 thousand (?) / Million (?) – A property for rent – Not, perhaps, the house I’m entering right now, but another (?) – Unsure of this – but seems like / feels like it. It is given, or so I feel, that I own the property – 4-car-garage or more on the side – To my left is another beautiful property – Our neighbor – Neighbor’s porch / entrance parallel to mine. If I need one lot space, I could request my neighbor to sell part of his property, so I can have a wider garage – If my neighbor doesn’t agree, I could just come up with a better lay-out, in case. I build one / am building the property / house – Am elated over the very spacious house that seems to be mine in a village. I must have several cars? Not given / not shown.
SEPTEMBER 30, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Am on the phone talking to Purita – with Tim, Nolan, Nanay ? – Olan seated behind me – I tell Purita about a guard behind me – at a small table eating. I describe where we are – Really don’t know – We are by the driveway / drive-thru of a huge building – Really can’t figure out where we are. THERE ARE HUGE STUFFS SUSPENDED IN THE AIR THAT FLY – I MISS ONE – WHAT IS WRITTEN ON IT. ANOTHER ONE COMES ALONG – I ENJOIN OTHERS (?) TO READ WHAT IS WRITTEN ON IT – I see “CULVER, DALY CITY” – I say to Purita – “I think we’re in another country” – (maybe, U.S.) – In between, I’d tell her / report to her stuffs / stories in the Philippines about the stuffs that happen when she comes over to Alex’s house – That Sonny is there and sees what Alex does to the “biscuit” (?) she gives him and the manner by which they greet each other – Cheek to cheek – That Alex doesn’t eat what she gives him (snubs it) but then I say, he is not hungry because he eats outside. Many instances, I’d try to check if Purita’s still on the line / phone – “Purita, are you still there?” A scene I am able to see where we are – the building annex – huge, tall – “Avant garde”. I say to Purita – Very expensive hotel (?), if it is – At a window (?) below, I see a pick-up vehicle park / transport service with a name written on it, “ED COMITAL / MAMITAL (?) VIA COM” – Perhaps, to ask Purita if she’s familiar with that name (here in the U.S.?). Am generally happy where we are – so does the rest of my company. I think I’d talk about Mel’s kids, too (?). I relay to Purita something – Can’t recall what they are – I remember the design of the building facade – Great / Awesome – I’d somehow remeber it when I see it again (for real). Though I say to her, I never see any foreigner, yet. I see the man driving the pick-up truck – foreign looking, but perhaps, with Filipino blood. He could be the name written on the vehicle. I tell / relay to Purita current affairs in ________ – I ask if she gets my text message to Melyn about LA, Gilbert and Eric staying at her house. She says, “No”. While seated on a bed-like furniture, I’d tell Purita, “I don’t know if I am just dreaming” / “I think I’m just dreaming this” / “I think I am in a dream”, repeatedly (the 3 statements alternately) – An awareness that I could really be just dreaming this – Where we are – that it’s just a dream – and it is – fantastic!
OCTOBER 3, 2003 – VOL. 16
- A fantastic stunt where I climb up the tallest steel bar. There seems to be a steel framework of stunts standing- very high where I perform/dive down to the bottom and land on something- another round steel bar. Like a trampoline, I am thrown back up into the air and dive back where I start from/ dive from-doing acrobatic stunts in the air. There are many people watching. I seem to be working for someone (?) who’d be watching my performance. A scene where I see Tim watching me do my stunts- a wonderful dive- a precarious stunt but I always jump up back- a deep dive and a fly high-jump.
- Hazy – Some details missing / I forget – A scene I am by the field on top of a vehicle’s roof with this guy (gorgeous). We’d be seeing letters / lyrics sort of written in the sky – words that include, “LOOK AT THE MOON” and I would sing it – Cry / my tears fall while singing it – Maybe of joy seeing it and singing it – Am familiar with the melody / song. Earlier, there’d be another song that I sing (partly). The guy behind me who’d be there for me, I kiss on the mouth (like a smack). I’d feel his hair sprouting around his lips (moustache / beard). He’s young (not that young). There’d be 2 guys coming / present. The other one seems to be the lover of the guy behind me that I kiss. I think he’d say, “Remember me (?)” Very unsure – and then, he exclaims, “Lorna?” Hazy – I think the guy introduces himself as “Mary” (?). I do spin / somersault in the air landing on some steel (round) bars and jump up / propel myself up again – as if I’m flying – Dangerous stunt / daredevil dives.
OCTOBER 9, 2003 – VOL. 16
- First dream today – By some POWER IN MY HAND, I rebuke / ward off negative energies (?) / Evil (?) spirits from the Old House (?) / Nanay’s house (?) – Unsure which or if both – A scene, I suction off from the ground such energies. I peek from a hole (in the soil? / ground (?) / from a lavatory (?) (Nanay’s house?) and see a smoke-like shape of a skull – I think (though not sure of this) that even evil spirits (?) can be rebuked / warded off by my hand (?) – Like a vacuum, such energies would be suck out from the ground – On my mind, maybe treasures buried under can be sucked out / lifted from the ground. Hazy –
OCTOBER 13, 2003 – VOL. 16
- I see a movie poster – It seems I see Mandy Moore’s name on it – Hazy. I think I see the word “JESUS” – and the spot where Mandy’s name is (but not really Mandy M.) the word, “IBRAHIM” or is it Jesus’ name fading and what would come out is Ibrahim (Very unsure of this) – only the name Jesus – Very unsure of the word, Ibrahim – just a flash. The picture on the poster seems that of a woman with a cloth covering half of her face – from nose down, like a Moslem woman / Arabian woman – Unsure if Mandy M. is really not part of the movie.
OCTOBER 14, 2003 – VOL. 16
- With Tim behind me and instructing Gam (at least with the scalp shot at the back of my head). Gam takes very close shots of my scalp beginning from the nape / almost near the nape (as pointed by Tim). Gam holds a camera – takes shots of my scalp – Camera touching my scalp – Then he takes shots of my eyes – My eyes tightly shut / closed – He takes several shots of my eyes – Despite them being shut, I can almost see the flash beaming before me – every clicking of the camera. Gam takes shots of my face, too? I say to Gam, “Enough” – My eyes may get “strained” – something like this – ARE THE PICTURES / SHOTS FOR GAM’S RECORD / KEEPING / FOR POSTERITY – BECAUSE SOMETHING HAPPENS (?). I ask in the dream (on my mind only).
- Inside a theatre, I see a man being sucked by a woman while others watch (?). There are other women sucking other women with dicks/ penises. The man being sucked speaks with a squeaking voice (like a gay).
OCTOBER 18, 2003 – VOL. 16
- A building that is closing (night time) with many guards. At one end / entrance / exit to other floors / access, I am sort of hypnotizing the sole guard with the sway of my hand – I am able to get in (sneak in) – I would sway my hand and the guard either falls asleep or out of his senses, follow what I wish for him to do. I do not pursue this as another guard comes /or other guards are nearby. I join some of the people waiting at the opposite end (nearby). I walk back and forth pretending to wait for someone – A scene outside the building where I see Erwin, gym instructor with his gf / wife. I throw a bit of something / hit him with a bit of something to notice me – Next scene, there’d be my relatives – Onggay, Ligaya? (Unsure of Ligaya ), one of my flock and Erwin who joins us. Am to tell Erwin I HAVE SOME KIND OF POWER IN MY HAND – but would like to tell / divulge it in the presence of some other members of the flock – saying, “Wala sila Bel, Jee (?)” – something like this – I say to them, “Joseph Estrada is on the 4th floor” – A huge truck passes by – A man clings to the truck as if to go unnoticed through the truck – Say I, “Kaya ko ‘yan!” – the stunt the man pulls – Earlier, Erwin, looking stouter, would say, “Di siya nakilala ni Gam” – not certain – Building seems to be the Manila City Hall – Scene with Erwin by the entrance to the underpass (pedestrian).
- A handsome man that I photograph using Tim’s camera infront of the Old House which doesn’t look like the Old House. Am resentful (?) about the Old House. The man has a girlfriend? I try to get a good shot of this man- a good angle where he’s so handsome but everytime I try to take a shot/ click the camera, the lens produces a blurrish image of him. I try to take a shot several times but to no avail. Hazy- as if we are inside the Old House (?)- unsure of this. Am with other people I do not know- with some of the flock. I dare someone to go outside- PEDDLE OURSELVES- IF ANY ONE WOULD WANT TO SEE TWO MEN OR TWO WOMEN PERFORMING SEX, WE’D DO IT (FOR A FEE?). I see grace. I say if Jee and Bel are there, they’d laugh at this ridiculous idea? Weird dream
OCTOBER 19, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Old House? Master’s bedroom – Am in the master’s bedroom – I write 2 songs – One already finished. Taking Tim with me and Edu Manzano, I check out this song – represented by a cauldron of rice still uncooked – boiling still with some water. I stir it with a spoon – I say this song / boiling cauldron of rice is for Edu Manzano and Dina Bonnevie. The other song which I, earlier, try to compose has a great melody, a la Basil Valdez song – still unfinished. Edu would say he is composing a song for __?__ (I forget) – A scene where I tell this to someone (?).
- Like a REVERIE – Slowly entering another dimension – I hear Christmas songs from different singers (Jazzy type of Christmas songs / easy listening) – Slowly, too, do I go back to the state of being awake – dull, lifeless, meaningless state of this “real” world. Slowly, too, am I brought back to this sublime, joyful “world” – These transmissions happen 3x- 4x (?) – I recognize Harry Connick’s voice – not a Christmas song though (?) – but not too certain – Martin Nievera at first, sounds foreign – until the chorus portion betrays his voice – not a Christmas song – A song from him to me – (Old song) – All Christmas songs sung are familiar to me – Martin sings in one corner of a road / building – then, walks toward a blazing (with fire) mountain – He goes near it – I wonder if he’s going to burn himself – still singing? Mountain is raging with fire – Music is crisp, clear – A feeling of serenity and joy – to go back and forth to the reverie is a wonderful escape from this inutile “reality” of life – “Reality” feeling is dull / payak / hungkag / meaningless.
OCTOBER 20, 2003 – VOL. 16
- A scene where we park the car – area outside – There’s a guy / gay guy I know who passes by, right side of the car door – walking and leading a vehicle / car with passengers – The group / client looking for houses – We’re in a village. Says the guy, “Yung Dapdap street – P35 M”. He is showing his clients some properties – Another guy (?) passes by – a former household help (?) who also shows properties – I think we’re infront of the property? Unsure of this – IT OCCURS TO ME TO GET LISTINGS THIS EARLY – BUT I SAY TO MYSELF I WILL RESPECT / LET 2003 PASS – Next scene, am on the terrace of a house for sale – Some stuffs out on the terrace, also for sale. I have coffee and bread with me – eating – The maids of this property see me – I say to them I live nearby – and just checking the property out. Going down the stairs, I notice the stair steps are narrow – (wooden slabs). I see some wood planks on the side /or right above us – perhaps, reserved for the stairs. A scene where I see CHARO SANTOS going down the same stairs. She mentions her apprehension over narrow steps when something happens to her during her younger days – She steps down the stairs (narrow stair steps). Don’t know if she steps down as she goes down now or during her childhood. I seem to see her step down?
OCTOBER 22, 2003 – VOL. 16
- I see Gam praying with misty eyes – I ask him if he prays. He says, “Yes”. I TELL HIM NEVER / NOT TO PRAY FOR MONEY –
OCTOBER 25, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Something about me and my brand new Volkswagen (green) – Next scene am waiting outside a property. The van comes. The driver sees me and recognizes me. Some people / staff are with him in the van. Another truck (?) comes. I run to my parked car at the right side, front of the property. I park the car way too close to a something. I check the back bumper touching something – checking if it has a dent – None (?). Next scene am driving my green Volks but being riddled with bullets by a helicopter above me. Earlier, I would see another Volks (different color). I fear my car gets lost. While waiting outside the property, I see a huge MADONNA poster in the garage leaning against the wall. It is given that Gam owns (?) this property and that he finances this Madonna concert – It doesn’t really make money / not a hit. I think I’d see (?) Gam and another (a woman?) in a car / in their car. I seem to not stay in this said property. Hazy – While waiting outside, a little boy (?) would come and ask for money. I have some coins in my hand. I say I have no money but coins. He asks for coins – I give him 5 pesos (coins). Still would ask for the rest of the coins – I decline, for other kids would come ask, just as he does. True enough – 2 kids (girls) come – I give each P1.50. One peso is left – Another girl (?) comes – but I say I only have P1.00 – I give it to her - guess she’s not satisfied – I ask the money back. She gives it back to me. Earlier, one of the 2 girls would tell me, “YOU’RE LIKE SANTA CLAUS – YOU ARE SANTA CLAUS!” – giving out money to kids – Something like this – It brings tears to my eyes.
*Madonna’s JESUS
OCTOBER 26, 2003 – VOL. 16
- A scene where I am visited by Gorgie (my brother) and his woman / wife (not Inday / Mel). I am imprisoned for a week (?). Am drawn to Georgie who looks like / is Niño – kissing him 2x on the face – Do I wipe his face with something?
OCTOBER 29, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Resthouse – I go down to the ground floor – It looks a little different when I enter a room – I see Ray seated on a bed while Danny, Ruben’s brother, is lying down. They are talking – Danny says something to him – He smiles – I notice his beautiful eyes and handsomeness – As if I get something from under the bed. I go out of the room, I see Rina coming in. House is empty – She goes to the lavatory (unfamiliar) – sort of makeshift – leaning against the wall where the small / round dining table is placed. I say to her, “Magkakasama na naman tayo – Malay mo – 2-3 days” – (as if to mean, we can get the properties back). As if I just arrive at the resthouse that night / day – Rina relates a story where she joins a religious group – makes a wish to own a lot and she’s awarded such – According to her, this group also awards / gives Inday 2 hectares (?), but gives the property over to Lorna and Ray – She mentions Nanay (?) – urges me to be quiet about it / not to tell anyone – She’s happy about her own property – Envious, I ask her if I could join, too – She says, “Sasamahan kita” – something like this. She doesn’t want Ray to know what we’re talking about – Someone comes (?) – I forget who – Unsure of 3-4 days / 2-4 days – Something like this – Rina says when she reaches the group’s place, she sees, “Puro mahihirap ang nandoon”.
OCTOBER 31, 2003 – VOL. 16
- TEACHING INSIDE A PROPERTY / THE PREMISES OF A PROPERTY – YOUNG PEOPLE, NOT SO MANY, WITH SOME OF THE FLOCK – I feel Alma’s presence. I teach a young boy and girl (steadies quarrelling) – The girl who doesn’t want to be used-up sexually so much by her boyfriend named China (“China”), good looking – Somehow I feel Lucky’s presence, or could he be “China”? No scene of him being China. Chena wants his gf to come back to Manila (?) / promise to be with him. I’d say to them, “ONE LESSON MAYBE APPLICABLE TO ANOTHER AND THE OTHER, ANOTHER LESSON” – Something like this. Hazy. Nice teaching – I forget girl’s name. Gam calls out for me – He’s cooking – Something/ someone calls / pages me – BONG MUÑOZ – I remember this name before (in this dream). I hear this name before – I say, “I don’t know him /or know anyone named Bong Muñoz”. IT IS GIVEN IT’S MY BIRTHDAY – I go to where Gam is – He fries something – I don’t know why am going to the other door / house – A former house we own (?). Perhaps, to get a pen and paper to write down the name of Bong – There’s a woman washing clothes (?) at the gate – Someone opens the door and gives me water that has some white little worms / kiti-kiti? I remember drinking the same kind of water, too – I hate the thought of it – Hazy – Not kiti-kiti – a white (elastic) filament like worm.
NOVEMBER 6, 2003 – VOL. 16
- Ace (my nephew), being 5-6yrs old, all covered with shit or just his hands are, runs after me to touch me with his hands (with shit). On my mind, Inday doesn’t take care of this child or so I think in the dream. The rest I forget. Inday comes out.
- There’s another child / boy who follows Ace – He is with shit, too – Hazy – He’s seated as I am – He changes face / blackish – wriggling face – In a way, he says he sets me up with guys – On my mind, it’s not right since I feel we’re in another person’s house – A scene, night time – Am checking security of the house – A wide door (similar to the Old House’s)- I lock the / check the locks of this door – from top to bottom – must be 3-4 locks – Suddenly, the door falls inward toward my direction – catching the door with my hands – Right outside the door is a line up of guys (less than 10). It is a covered area / like a garage? (Unsure if a garage) unto the street where I see tricycles parked / drivers. Tim would appear from behind me softly – curiously, as if with malice / intent / desire staring at the line of men (now increasing) – less than 10 becomes more than 10 – I think a line that reaches the street – I say to these guys it’s not right / proper since we’re just “guests” / visitors in this house – Out comes Nolan – just as Tim does. One of the guys (4th from the 1st guy / nearest guy to me) says something “flattering” upon seeing Nolan – It is implied that of the two, Nolan will surpass Tim when it comes to gimmicking – The same guy (?) says it’s for money – Earlier, I’d keep on pushing the door to its closed / locked position. It seems like a big room / area where Tim, Nolan and I are in. My cousins are present. Don’t know who – Checking the cauldron of rice – not much – need to cook rice. There’s a tall, white plastic container of rice where I get rice from – There’s a glass (?) measurer inside the plastic, yet I hold another (plastic) and use it – getting 2-3 cups of rice – Tim is present – I notice the rice is somewhat wet (in the plastic container). I think, at least, 3 containers of rice – One in the kettle (our ____________ kettle for heating water). It’s also wet on top (?) – The other container also with water – I try to drain both containers (of water) – Pouring the kettle, there’s water coming from its mouth – On my mind, who puts this rice in these containers? Earlier, I’d hear the sound of broken glass inside the 1st plastic container – Surely, there are lots of tiny broken glass in my cauldron and the container, as well – Can’t cook it / need to throw it away. I call Cathy – ask her who puts this rice in these containers without realizing there’s water in them – She says it’s her – Earlier, I say to her Daddy would be angry – She says it’s Daddy who buys it – I spank her butt twice / 3x – Hard – Earlier, Tim getting something from the closet (dining area,___________? where plastic bags are put) – makes some kind of a joke about the incident – I reprimand Tim – not to make this a joke – Cathy slumps down near Tim infront of the closet – unmindful of my spanking – I tell her there are lots of “bayong” / bayong supots I buy from the market – (I see them arranged inside the closet) that she could use instead of these containers with some water in them. Next scene, I leave what I cook? and head straight to my bedroom – Unfamiliar bedroom. I throw myself to my bed – My cousin Cesar is seated at the front row of what seems like a theatre – because of the huge screen infront of my bed – What is showing is a Vilma Santos movie – (Scene is she gets caught by the real wife). Some characters /or Vi herself try / tries to persuade the wife to go elsewhere neutral / another room where they can talk peaceably – Two women characters, one dressed in a nice Filipiniana costume walks away (with the other woman) towards my left – now my room / now real a scene – enters a door. As they enter this door, I see the back of the head of this woman dressed in Filipiniana dress – Her hair is great – but she wears a picture frame at the back of her hair / head. I tinker with the idea of “doing” my cousin, but I negate it (?). I think of Nolan as if he were the woman in costume – and he’s infront of a beautiful man and is attracted to him – I guess I’d understand? Since I, myself gets to be mesmerized by gorgeous men? To my right is another screen, smaller than the one infront of my bed. Showing is a shampoo commercial where a woman with long hair is being attended by a guy? Or a woman flipping her hair. This guy / girl looks like Albert (another nephew) – From above me comes Nolan talking about Albert’s homework – It seems he is with Albert or he works on his assignment (?) – Nolan says, “To make the dream /or invent (not said) the dream” – something like this. To my utter disdain as I collect my thoughts – I say “YOU CANNOT / I CANNOT MAKE A DREAM” – or something like, “I CAN’T AFFECT MY DREAM” (not spoken this way, but the first statement) – Just giving the core of my answer, Albert comes in with his books / papers. Nolan, earlier, lies / reclines just above my head. Albert puts one of his legs on top the pasimano and whispers to me / my ear, “Name your price” (in helping him with his assignment) – As Albert leans on the pasimano, I’d see his armpit / part of his arm / chest – Am enticed by it – On my mind, I think of sex as payment but then, I say to him or about to say to him, “You can’t afford it”.
NOVEMBER 13, 2003 – VOL. 16
- There’s a party to be held in MANILA PENINSULA (?) that I wish / plan to attend / go to – dress up with Nolan and Tim – I am there now (Pen) – I see some not-so- popular celebrities – A woman celeb who’s so small like a midget – She’s pretty though – She’s with an alalay? Comes another midget, Rolly Quizon with some children and another guy midget. Rolly tries to do funny stuffs like toying with the carpet – perhaps, so the kids with him would laugh? Later, he turns / stands on his hands, his feet up against a glass wall / display window (?). Carpet isn’t the usual carpet. There’s a banner at the lobby (?) which is pointed to me when I ask (?) what the occasion is – I can’t remember or am able to read it. Gam hesitates to go. Cathy would like to go. She says, “Maganda naman ako”. It seems it’ll be later in the day that the party starts – When Cathy says she wants to attend Pen party, she’s sort of close to me, physically – slight embrace / infront of me.
Manila Peninsula rebellion
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The Manila Peninsula rebellion occurred on November 29, 2007 at The Peninsula Manila hotel in Makati City, Philippines. Senator Antonio Trillanes IV, Brigadier General Danilo Lim, and 25 otherMagdalo officers walked out of their trial and marched through the streets of Makati City. The mutineers called for the ousting of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, and seized the second floor of the Manila Peninsula Hotel along Ayala Avenue. Former Vice-President Teofisto Guingona, Jr. joined the march to the hotel, as well as some of the soldiers from the Armed Forces of the Philippines.
After several hours, Trillanes and Lim surrendered to government forces once a military armored personnel carrier had barged into the lobby of the hotel. Trillanes and the mutineers were arrested while several journalists that covered the event were detained. The journalists were subsequently released.
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