OCTOBER 17, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Am in a foreign country – Middle East? I remember I’d think of the people there would smell “bad” / smelly – unsure if it is an Asian country. I travel? alone – I see myself wandering around the city alone.
- Thought or dream?- With Tim in China wondering what it’ll be?- unsure of this.
OCTOBER 17, 2004 – VOL. 22
-On board a passenger jeep – sole passenger – seated on the edge of the seat – The jeep runs fast on a highway – I hold on tightly – even putting my feet – (one first?) on the ledge / estribo – I sing-along with the song being played on the radio? with lyrics – “I am young, you are old – You’re giving me the scare – Why did you love me? /or Why do you love me?” I forget what song it is – 60’s song. Another song plays – Del Shannon’s “Runaway” – I sing along with it – I remember singing the last line, “My little runaway” – as I sing-along – Suddenly, I see a male passenger is already seated infront of me (across my seat) – and another man with his boy just standing (both of them) on the ledge –
- Still on board a speeding jeep- I see people on the side of the road- one standing, some seated near a cemetery- It’s near November 1- not yet Nov.1- a few days before Nov.1 as they clean and visit they’re dead so as not to go there on Nov.1 to join this chaotic day-
-Still on board the jeep – thinking of Tanauan group as they may, perhaps, have some inkling that I WOULD ONE DAY TELL EVERYONE TO ABANDON THEIR LIVES AND FOLLOW AFTER ME / FOLLOW ME – Mobile, street is focused – Highway – and they would complain why I don’t require my relatives (immediate – Purita in mind) to leave their lives – and I would say something to this effect – That they labor? for me? – It’s not only for Tanauan group that I’d say, “COME, FOLLOW ME” – It’s for everybody –
OCTOBER 22, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – A newspaper? / magazine article about me? – It says everybody knows my “unaffected / disaffected” reaction toward the “No show of healing” with the Rio Diaz promise? – That I still pursue the Mission? Something like this – as if my picture on the article.
On board a ferry boat – Standing up on the side of the boat. There are about 2-3 men behind me – One man with printed polo shirt stands very close to me and rubs his crotch against my butt – I move away from him and head for the other side of the boat – It’s dark in both areas / sides? of the boat – as if we’re passing by Quiapo (?) downtown area – unsure – as if it’s Quiapo – coming from the Mercury side / Times theatre side (not shown / given / these 2 landmarks – only for direction). I wonder how I’d get off the boat – Earlier, I remember that I promise myself never to take a boat / ship because of my fear of sharks – I see the river / sea water – Across the road? / from the boat, I see about 2-3 3rd run theatres – 2 theatres quite near each other are without electricity / brownout – and the people, mostly gays are outside / at the entrance area – Earlier, on the 1st side of the boat where I am, a man arrives, perhaps, coming from one of the downtown theatres? and talks to another man behind me – I think the 3 men behind me are all gays? -unsure of this – A scene am already off the boat – on the road now wandering around – To my left, comes Francisco B. (Boy) – as he looks like during our college days – I ask him what time his classes are?/ he goes home? – He says 5 pm – Immediately, I recall I live with him – The beginning of this dream – Am just seated in a place (a boarding house), pensive – Another scene, downtown area, I try to find out if am back in the past – through the commercial posters on a wall – pictures / posters advertising different products – For a while I think of one of the posters having Nora Aunor - but looking closely – it’s not her? -not sure of this – On my mind, could God? / my dream? have the ability to reprise / reconstruct the past with all the footages of that particular time / era / year – Intact to create / recreate the past / a particular time / year as it is / was that year / time – There’s a smile on my lips checking on the posters. There’s a gay guy (cute) who stands / leans on the poster wall – poses – tries to get my attention. He looks familiar to me – Not far from where we are, I see a gazebo type rest area – There are 2 women seated there – I head for that area – Getting near it, I see a policeman seating / seated on the right side area of the place – It could be a place where the gay guy and I could go to. Is there a CR there, as well? I see the gay guy pass – past the gazebo type covered area (behind it). It seems there’s a river behind this rest area – Suddenly, I see a huge fish on the shore of the river (bigger than a man). Earlier, I think I see this gay guy as he walks past the gazebo – that he holds a bolo knife in his hand / tucked to his left waist – Could just be a thought – Blur
TRIVIA:
Butandings on Philippine shores
OCTOBER 23, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – Outside a provincial / barriotic house – Am to get / give someone a CARABAO – (for him to plow and labor? not given?)
*In the service of God?
OCTOBER 25, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – Am on the sidewalk, front of the Old House (?) – There are 3 doves on the ground – One of the doves flies and hits itself against the windshield of a vehicle parked infront of the property – There’s a man who gets it – I get the 2 other doves – I think I get one of the doves, earlier, (the one? that hits itself against the windshield) – showing it to Bel (who’s with me?). She says the white colored doves are the better / nicer ones – I get the 2 doves – One light grayish blue and the other white – We’re now inside the garage (?) of the Old House – (unsure of this) – Doves seem very weak – their heads leaning downward – Bel gets one of them and pits the 2 against each other (like sabong) – She says this will enliven (?) them – Something like this – I’d see there are small leech–like worms / pests / lice on the skin of the doves – I remove one of the lice – and kill it with a small stone – Bel puts the 2 doves on the ground – Yi’s with us – She just looks on – DOVES NOW NESTLED ON THE GROUND AND BEL INSTRUCTS THAT I SHOULD MAKE “LILIM” TO THE DOVES – BY LOWERING MYSELF TO THE GROUND – ENCLOSE THE 2 DOVES WITH MY ARMS – but the lice worry me – A scene Ray passes by and gets the 2 (?) doves – Another scene where he / I get one of the lice and burn it with Ray’s cigarette. Later, I’d get one more louse (?) and use another stone to kill it – The louse sort of turns into something else – like a colored “chimuchang” as I make “ipit” the louse – Doves do a “dove-fight” / like cockfight where their neck feathers are raised initiated / suggested by Bel –
OCTOBER 27, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – Recalled Portion Only – There’s a gathering – I go to the CR (ground floor – dining area, Nanay’s house) – There’s a young, lean guy standing at the very corner of the CR as if waiting for me – I come to him – embrace him – He says, “Akala ko hindi mo ‘ko type / gusto” – I think we sort of kiss in the mouth – There’s a small window on the wall (facing Old House) – Standing perhaps, on a tall chair / table is Merly whose backhead I see outside, close to the window – I shut the window (capiz) – 2 wings of capiz window, so she won’t see us – but she turns around and does see us – but she’s a nice woman who may not think ill of what she sees – me and this young lad in the CR – Anyway, I say on my mind, the flock knows everything that I do – I go out to the right of way thru Nick’s garage – and see Bel and others (?) waiting (Old House ground, backyard, front of Nick’s garage) – Bel has a car, new? – I realize my car is taken by someone – I say to Bel that I’d just text Nick to bring the car over to me so I’d proceed to the venue – I ask Bel where the wedding is – ___________ church? Bel says, “Punta kina Merly (sa _________ ?). Punta muna sa pera” – Merly goes there – wherever it is – There are people coming / arriving from Rizal street – (perhaps, from the “PERA ACTIVITY”?) – coming towards the right of way / Bel’s area where they wait – foreigners – brown-skinned – I think the one who’s to marry has a foreigner for a partner? Am standing at the entrance of Nick’s place (behind me is the small CR window – ground floor) where Merly stands on something. I decide to go get my cell to text Nick for my car – I see this brown-skinned foreign woman (relative / mother of the one getting married) chopping a buko / coconut / opening a buko with a bolo knife – On my mind, “Marunong palang magbukas ng buko” (despite being a foreigner) – Reaching the corner of the garage (right of way) near Obet’s place, I realize am only wearing briefs and a white shirt – perhaps, my shoes, too – Pulling my shirt down to cover my butt and my dark ass skin, so Bel, Jee (?) and others won’t see it, I enter the garage – I see several people standing in the garage – I think I see Juday / Judy Ann Santos with others – as if guests to the wedding – Entering the door / backdoor Nanay’s ground floor, I imagine Sharon Cuneta’s husband (not seeing him, but Sharon’s face) as someone puts on his pants – focused on the insides of the pants – HOW AFFLUENCE / HAVING MONEY COULD MAKE ONE WEDDING DIFFERENT – OR ENTERING A MARRIAGE WHERE A PARTNER IS WEALTHY – OR HOW ONE ENTERS A MARRIAGE OF AFFLUENCE / WEALTH – THAT A CAREFREE / COMFORTABLE LIFE AWAITS HIM – Is it I wearing the pants? I think am now wearing the peach? / popsicle- colored pants / flesh colored pants? and a dainty white shirt (a little tight shirt) – Earlier, standing at the entrance of Nick’s place and realizing Merly goes to the “Pera activity”, I worry about my I2I shades (recently bought) – Merly holds it – Looking at the pane of the CR window, I see that Merly puts it there and I get it. Imagining myself wearing this tight, white shirt and my flesh / popsicle- colored pants and wearing my shades would be a perfect / cool ensemble for the wedding? Is it Merly who weds? (unsure of this) – Seeing Bel, ground area, Old House, waiting and intending to go to the activity area, I say I’d just follow. Realizing my car is at the cemetery (unsure of the cemetery), I’d just text Nick to drive it back to me so I can proceed to the church? / Pera area – IT IS GIVEN THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS TO MARRY ON MAY 10 – IS IT I? I WILL GET MARRIED ON MAY 10? -unsure of this –
TRIVIA:
May 10- the historic May 10, 2010, Automated Elections.
Francis Pangilinan wins as Senator and vies for the Senate Presidency.
Judy Ann Santos marries Ryan Agoncillo. She is currently infanticipating-In an unfamiliar place, Court room? / Precinct? where I accompany this man (and another) – He is sentenced to 5 years / 10 years? – There are 2 women in front of us – He is to proceed to the imprisonment area when one of the women tells me to call him back – Only this man that I get to know, earlier- but the other guy who’s with him tags along – The woman says, “Mabaho siya and needs to clean up”? – something like this – This man comes near the 2 women (along with the other guy) – I hear that this man and his relatives are not able to eat earlier, not given food and so they go to SM to eat – As we proceed to the imprisonment area, I tell him that it is fate that brings us together / that we meet not by chance – because it seems I help him with his case? Blur –
TRIVIA:
A flock member is currently in prison awaiting trial.
OCTOBER 28, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Thought? or Dream – That Tim wants me to sign his passport – Am to write on the blank page (on a page of the passport / front / first page of the passport) – “DREAMING THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM” –
OCTOBER 31, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Nanay’s room – There’s a square table where there’s a talakay – Mike V. and another man – Mike is a bit doubtful – He asks a question – There’s a scene where I try to explain – I say, “Sinasabi ko nga, ‘IKAW ANG DIYOS’, eh” /or “ANG TAO ANG DIYOS” – Something like this – Then, Nanay brings in 3 more people – One man in his 60’s (?) with thick spectacles and 2 (?) women – one with a brochure of “Likas” papaya (?) soap – Am sort of uneasy – Now, am infront of new people – who’d listen (?) to me – The woman with brochure opens / browses on it – I borrow it? / she brings it to me, opens it and turns each page – A picture of a man with greasy, black smudges on his face – as he uses “Likas” -Slowly, his blemished skin (black blemish) disappears – Suddenly, am alone – body low on the ground, my left knee (?) leaning on the ground (genuflect position) and the other folded with sole on the ground – Am staring at myself in this big / wide mirror that is placed on the floor. I have normal hair – looking at different angles (night time – a little dark), I see my face – the face I love before – youthful – maybe early 30’s (?) – The face that gimmicks love – I stand up – I don’t know if I go “into” the mirror or just pass / walk by (unsure if I enter / pass through the mirror) – I ENTER A BEAM OF BRIGHT LIGHT – THE WHOLE WIDE “LEFT TO RIGHT” – SPACE BEAMING WITH LIGHT – I PASS THROUGH IT, OR THIS LIGHT SHINES UPON ME – Next scene, am lying down on a bed, Nanay’s sala – There are others lying on the floor (with mattress) sleeping, as well. Don’t know who they are – It’s early dawn (?). I listen to the silence of the night – wondering if there’d be someone who’d break in to the house (robbers). I see the ceramic figurines I buy years ago up on the shelf, almost touching the ceiling (shelf between sala / piano area and dining area). But it seems it extends up to the sala area where I am – I think there are 1 or 2 (?) people out of the room, peeking in / seated just outside the door of Nanay’s room –
NOVEMBER 1, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Am entering the ground floor of a building? – It’s Nitz G’s place – as I enter the door, I see to my right a counter table / office / receiving area – where Nitz sits. Across her office is a closed area – her conference room – The place is huge – like a condominium residence con office – I inspect the place – wide, spacious and elegant. I go out front where I see a school for children (building? / establishment) next to her building. On the second floor? / upper floor of her own building, I see people seated, their backs against the glass window – as if having a meeting / seminar. I go to the right side of Nitz’ building – She has this side area for her – a garden set / chairs infront of the building with a quite low ceiling – Nice – I see her backyard (from inside the condo) – The whole ground floor is hers – Comes her son who looks different – goes straight upstairs? / inside – I am with 2 friends (female, flock? not sure). I ask one of them if our group knows her sked (schedule) – Nitz’s son would be the one to answer this question (though not directed to him) – I think he says, “Yes”? (unsure of this) – Nitz comes rushing in telling me that dinner is ready – I say, “Kakain ng dinner at night?” (Am aware that I don’t eat dinner). She’s in a hurry because according to her, she’s to play golf – I think I call my other female companion – Is it Jee? (not sure of this) A scene, earlier, where I browse around her counter table – looking at the papers / magazine on top of it – A thin magazine of a man – the title of the article is “FILIPINO NAZARENO” – I see big pictures / magazine pictures (cut out) of female showbiz personalities – One young female celeb – I think a small picture frame turns over and I place it back to its position or Nitz does – All through out this dream, it is shown how “busy” Nitz is with the world – She’s moneyed. As I am to sit at the kabisera, my back to the backyard (open / sliding doors?), I’d see a tall stuff that she uses when she travels abroad – with the numbers “1225” written on it – before this I’d peak at a corner area (right side) – a small bar perhaps, where there’s a small “water falls” décor stuff – several bottles of Gerber on top of another on the right side – Nice area – As I am to sit at the kabisera upon seeing the “1225” and these “display of money” / Nitz having acquired these expensive lifestyle, I fall to a fit of sadness – if my mission would come true – or if it does happen in time where Marivel C. can see it? -something like this – A scene where I ask Nitz if her _______ apartment / is already gone / is still with her – She says, “No – puro perahan lang d’on”, (meaning, it’s expensive and owner just derives money from her – something like this) –
-First dream with Nitz – I see she resembles Yazmin Kurdy (Starstruck) and am about to tell her this – but am unable to – She looks young? / age doesn’t show on her face –
NOVEMBER 2, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Very blur – About 2 snakes – Hazy – One snake – as if a voice (?) / someone telling – Not necessarily a voice – that it’ll lay eggs – The 2nd snake (Nanay’s house) will lay eggs and that “IT WILL HAPPEN” (It will happen) –
NOVEMBER 4, 2004 – VOL. 23
-A scene in the hospital where I am to get water – There are other people trying to get water – I pour in water from the thermos into an inverted glass – I wonder how I could get clean water – How to get the water into the inverted glass. Don’t know what I do – I have this plastic bottle now with (1/3) water in it – I guess I pour in the water from the glass – and get some more / fill the bottle with water coming from the thermos – and throw the water / empty the bottle off with the water coming from the thermos (to make it clean) – Perhaps, I intend to pour in some more water from the thermos – There are other trying to get water. Gie appears in the scene – She’s a nurse in the hospital and she says to me, “Bumalik ka na lang” – She’s a bit tense supervising the area – or tired / irritated seeing these people trying to get water – I leave for my room telling Gie I’d go to the talakay 5 pm – I don’t think she really hears what I say – as she’s busy – talking to other people in the area – On my mind, am to tell Purita that I allow the flock (Seems all work now) to work – that Gie’s a nurse now – something like this – It is given I don’t work – I go search for the 3rd floor. I pass by an area (2nd floor?) finding a police station. I ask one of the policemen, “Is this the 2nd floor?” -don’t know who’s hospitalized (?), if any – I know the room is cold (air-con).
NOVEMBER 5, 2004 – VOL. 23
-I seem to be sprawled? on the pavement / sidewalk of a nice (classy?) subdivision? – Two (2) young / teenage? girls and one young teenage? male attend to me – Don’t know if the guy has a thermometer – Am lying on my chest – I think he checks my butt area – It worries me that he’d smell my ass – They leave – their backs to me as they walk away from me – I hear the young man saying, “GALUL, MAANGOT / MA-ANTOT?, MATANDA” – I write these words on the pavement (broken part of the pavement) – “Galul” and the rest. Suddenly, a physician- looking man, wearing a doctor’s white gown / lab gown, on his 60’s – takes a look at me with a thermometer that he places on my right armpit – Am still sprawled on the ground? Then, he says / mentions about vaginal nodes? / nodules? that I should not have them removed – and that I should just “SERVE GOD” though all what would seem like “illnesses”? I’d be inflicted with? As this man speaks, there seems to be some noise / music of instructions / overlapping with his already faint / fading voice (advices) – As if a camera on top, overlooking different angles / frames of many people dancing – Overlapping frames / one after the other frames of people dancing. Weird – Frightening dream. I remember the node? that gives / comes out of my left singit –
-Lying down again with my one hand on top of my other hand – as if a misfocused TV screen, I seem to have a double vision of me with my hands on top of the other – As if laughing like “Jekyll and Hyde” and with a squeaking? / childdish “Chucky” voice saying, “LAGOT KAYO, PAMILYA KO, KAKAIBA / IBA ANG GUSTO NINYO” – Sounding like a threat – In the same room where I lie down, I see other people lying down / sleeping? – I see a foreign-looking woman with her child beside her (both sleeping) – Weird frightening dream – With the “Lagot kayo” – there’s a suspense thriller kind of music in the background – Frightening music –
-I leave for sometime / go on vacation / runaway? for quite awhile with Nolan – Don’t know where – Suddenly, am in a house with my flock (and some others?) – Small areas, dining – place where I am – I see Nick who’s seated on a small, tall table – or at least, his feet are above the table / chair – I tell him to put down his feet – To my right side, another small area, there’s another one who’s seated on a small, tall table – I urge him to get off the table – THEN, I REALIZE, THE PLACE WE ARE IN, THOUGH KIND OF SMALL, IS A NEW PLACE / HOUSE FOR THE FLOCK – AS IF THE ENTIRE FLOCK STAYS THERE? (Implied) – I see the blue? paint on the wall, pastel color of another paint – I ask for my notebook – to write down this dream – That the flock already has a place of their own – though kind of small – But then, it comes to mind, don’t we already have a place? As I am to write this dream down, I see Abbey beside me, to my right – peeking at my notebook – what am about to write – There’s an impish, if not “hiya” smile on his face – (embarrassed) –
NOVEMBER 6, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Going up Nanay’s house, I see a man standing as if waiting for someone, landing area of the stairs – I go to my room – Nanay is with me – Someone (?) comes to my room, informs that there’s something Nanay has to sign up – (a letter) – I say I’d do it – It’s the man standing on the landing area who delivers this letter – A letter coming from a church? with a bulk of pictures in it – Old pictures – 1940’s pictures – Am seated on a chair, right side of the stairs – This postman (?) standing on the stairs leans up towards me – sort of informs me about the pictures – On my mind, he sees these pictures before /or he opens this letter and sees these pictures – Style of writing on the envelop is a little old – long tailed letters, black ink – I go to my room and show the pictures to Nanay – She says men during the early days dress- up like women – because I’d mention to her the loose pants men wear in the picture – just like the ones I wear – Nanay is lying down on the bed. THIS LETTER, PERHAPS, IS IN RESPONSE TO THE LETTERS AND E-MAILS THE MISSION SENDS OUT.
-A scene /or a picture?( among those pictures) of a U.S. President’s very old car that is abducted / lifted up – There’s a machine- like device used, on stand-by, waiting for this President’s car to pass by – THE U.S. PRESIDENT’S CAR LIFTED UP / HANGING BY A CABLE WIRE (?) –
NOVEMBER 7, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Looking at Brian and Tim at the edge / end of the bed – Hazy – Brian comes to me sort of weeping – He seems younger – He says, “Wala naman tayong diamond ring / ring” – that he needs for his school project – On my mind, or do I clarify it to him that it’s just a fancy ring he needs – I can just go out to buy – some stores that sells toys and stuffs – Surely they have such fancy rings – I open an under-the-stair cabinet and get something from it – Cabinet looks familiar – painted white – Doesn’t look like _______ under-the-stair cabinet – unsure of this – but the position of the cabinet isn’t _________ – I consider just going to a nearby department store – Another scene where I open this cabinet again and see some Christmas decors in a box – I would use them / I have these decors to use on Christmas – I see a rosary in the open box – and lots of red pendant crosses. SURPRISED TO SEE ONE RED ROSARY IN MY HAND – I GET ONE RED PENDANT CROSS AND KISS IT – Aware of my being MANG-AALIW – paying respect to the man on the cross – I think I put the red rosary in the box. Maybe I keep that one red pendant cross – unsure of this – Closing the cabinet and putting something infront of it – the usual decors – I think the decors include a small chair – I forget the rest that are placed infront of the cabinet. I think I see a glimpse of our sala? – Nice – Seems different from ________ – unsure of this – Bed where Brian and Tim are is Tim’s bed? unsure of this –
- Someone hums “Ave Maria” – song usually played in funerals – Is it I humming it or someone else?
NOVEMBER 10, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – Details missing – Tita Marina lets me stay in their house – though she’s not shown in the dream. At the terrace of their house, where I am, I can see her father in the neighboring house, at the terrace, too, just looking at me / us – I think I have someone with me (?). I am just in the terrace (a la Nanay’s house and Old House, but not?). Tita Marina’s brother despises my staying in their house – so he sends 2 men with guns to kill (?) me – Looking at the approaching men, one of them fires his gun and perhaps the other gunman, as well – I am shot in the chest, near my heart, perhaps in my heart – Three (3) times, I “feel” the bullets enter my body – one bullet after the other – each bullet feels cold – Pain isn’t much felt, yet, only the penetration of the cold object through my flesh – One shot is aimed in the head – I “know” / feel the entry of the bullet in my head. Perhaps, I slump to the floor – Next scene, I see 2 men again (the same men?) just outside the premises – behind the low fence – about 2-3 feet away from the terrace – They carry big knives (knives used in chopping meat – market meat shop). One of the men tries to hit me / cut me by reaching me, stretching his hand – almost cuts me – slight cut on the knees – Next scene, I see one of the men, now Robin Padilla, as I hold his hand high / raise his one arm high and later, I cut it off (?) – I must have a knife (?) / sword – in cutting Robin’s arm? – Earlier, “after”, the gunmen shoot me, Marina’s father wants to stop the gunmen – but he only does after the act is done – A scene am telling someone (Eric? not sure of Eric) that I now know how it is / how it feels to be shot.
-Another dream with Robin Padilla – lighter dream? -unsure of this –
NOVEMBER 13, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Don’t know where we are – I enter a building – about 4 story – where most foreigners are (visitors / foreign guests) – wearing their costume- like attires with turbans on their heads – dark colored (black?)- unsure if it’s really black like ISRAELITES (?). It seems they are already to leave the country – (Philippines?) – As I climb the stairs to what seems like a market place – I hold a tall can (oil can) of something – Is it wrapped in newspapers or newspaper (crumpled) inside the can ? – I see some dark costumed, warrior type of people (ISRAELITES?). I AM TO SPEAK BEFORE THESE PEOPLE – I could picture the scene where someone will ask who I am – If I am JESUS – And I will confirm it to them saying, “YES, I AM” – in a powerful, sort of modulated voice – A scene where Bel is helping out (a ploy) this one Israelite, who is to throw some garbage into the open hole on the ground (?) – that Bel suggests to put. There are one or 2 people with them – Bel gets the Israelite’s can? / stuff and places it inside the hole – under the spot where she kneels – Then, takes out her 2 big cans of (explosives) and places them after the Israelites’ garbage? Someone, immediately, suspects what is inside Bel’s cans. But Bel warns him to shut up – She silences him with a “Ssh” – Still, walking the open area with my can (don’t know what’s inside), it worries me that I may get apprehended when these explosions rock this place – and I would be incarcerated, like JESUS (of 2 thousand years ago). I am to make it known that I AM ALREADY HERE – something like this. Another scene where I pass by an office to my left – small office where the Lady President of the land stays / holds office? (unsure of this. Unsure if it’s Gloria Arroyo?). I see her blazer / blouse hung on the back of a chair (low chair of a table) – It’s that the government requests that these foreign guests stay some more days / time.
NOVEMBER 20, 2004 – VOL. 23
- REVERIE - About 10- 11 am- Like the dead of night- silence- where one hears only the steady noise of insect sounds. I am brought to the interior portion of a house- lying? on the floor facing the stairs- seems dark- Is there a room atop the stairs? am at the foot of the stairs. A scene I feel the breeze of the wind coming from an electric fan- blowing my pubic hair
NOVEMBER 24, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy beginning – Mila M in the Old House, master’s bedroom – There are 2 beds as you enter the bedroom. While lying down, I pour my heart out to Mila – Is she just above / head side of my bed listening? – Is there a bed, as well? – Is she lying down? Unsure of this – I cry informing her that the diggings stop since she leaves and the job is left as is – The dug holes and the mounds of soil – “Matigas na nga mga tambak na soil” – Something like this – In a way, perhaps, out of pity and love for me? she agrees to help me out – I think she leaves later in the day (Night time, Sunday it is). Bel, Gie and others (?) (unsure of others) are just outside the room – on their beds? – Surely (I think) they hear my pleas to Mila – A scene where Brian throws some pillows (?) unto my bed, as if fixing his bed – Somehow I feel comforted that Mila will help me out (again?). Seated on the side of the bed, I put my index finger on the side of my right ear, cheek side (left hand) turning my head to a position where my ear canal faces the floor to let some liquid (luga? though not thick) fall out / drip out of it – About 2-3 tablespoons of liquid drips out of my ear – Then, turning my head to the other side (left ear), liquid comes out of it, as well – IT SEEMS “DIGGING” WOULD RESUME? Though not really given / specified –
TRIVIA:
Many years of digging in search of the “GOLDEN IMAGE OF JESUS” (RESURRECTED) as instructed in the dream.
- Hazy – Cathy, Brian and I are at a table eating – (Don’t know if I am) – They’re eating spaghetti – There’s another boy (quite big eyes, familiar, child actor?) about 9-10 years old – I clean up Cathy and Brian’s plate – some tidbits of spaghetti on their plates and ask the boy if he would eat the small amount of / strands only of spaghetti – He refuses – sort of – Next scene, I see a group of people and Noel A. come in – Noel holds a set of keys as he’s to open his room – The group is Nick’s friends – I walk towards the door, go out – AM A BIT ANNOYED / ANGRY AT NOEL FOR BRINGING A LOT OF PEOPLE – OUR PLACE IS QUITE SMALL (unfamiliar place) AND CANNOT ACCOMMODATE THESE PEOPLE –
-Bits and pieces only – Elevator? /or in a room?- unsure which – where I converse with a woman – (nurse?) – There’s another one (gay? unsure of this) that I talk to, earlier – He’s gone now – only the girl – Comes a handsome guy who sits on my lap – I caress his chest (hiding it from the girl) . Now, I wish to go – to my room? I pretend? to have a room? unsure of this – or I pretend to be a nurse? -unsure of this – I ask the girl (though, I think I know the name of the place) but couldn’t remember it / the name of the place (hotel? / hospital?) I make some guesses – Next scene, am in a room, Edu Manzano on the bed – Am below him – I could see his balls (partly) from where I am – the handsome guy is with us, too – Next scene, this boy tells me that he touches / pinches my balls and that my balls aren’t sweet – that he touches Edu’s balls and tastes them (with his fingers, puts his fingers (tastes) in his mouth) and says Edu’s balls are sweet because they’re clean – Edu’s lying down on the bed – Am seated on the bed below him. The guy is off the bed – In the elevator, a scene am lying on the floor (of the elevator) and on my chest, on the floor.
TRIVIA:
Edu M. is EDUARDO Manzano
NOVEMBER 25, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – Walking / running away from __?__ with a group (?) to find “luck” elsewhere (not my flock) – That should I find luck and establish my own home, I’d still get my mother – Something like this –
-I see myself (though not looking like myself) combing the hair of a small boy doll – parting its hair in the middle. Pensive, thinking of finding “luck” – hoping for luck in whatever field? As if am a man abandoned or alone –
-A scene with Alex in an unfamiliar place – in the room where Nanay and Pina sleep on the floor. I seem to be fixing some blankets – Alex touches the sole of my foot / feet (heel) and sort of says I need some cleaning / foot spa – I say, “Bawal sa akin” – Touching my leg – smelling my ankle – Emphatic on the “Bawal sa akin” statement – Hazy –
- Hazy- Am looking at myself in the mirror (lifesize) naked?- lean body- slim/ narrow waist. I say I have an “H” body-
NOVEMBER 26, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Recalled portions only – Am walking on the hall of an establishment that rents out stalls – Someone runs after me – A young Sylvia la Torre? (unsure of this) – I think she wants to hire me – We stop awhile – Now, she talks to a woman – Sylvia asks what I know / can do – I say, “I sing a lot” – She sort of sneers / ignores this – I think she intends to make me her store-keeper / bantay – On my mind, I can’t do an 8-5 job – Different scenes of different people, pasosyal effect conversations, not necessarily pa-sosyal – would really be sosyal – Blur – I forget the rest.
-A scene am with a group of people – like in an office – I forget what the scenario is – I inform them of something that I can’t (?) do – “I am fifty years old” – All of them are shocked – disbelieving what I tell them – as if they see me totally not 50 years of age – I ask them how old they think I am – A young woman answers, “Less 30” – I ask how less thirty – “What age?” – something like this – I turn and ask the people behind me who dont seem to mind the on-going discussion. I lay out P500 bill (blur scenes) on the counter to give out to the person who gives the right answer – On my mind, I wish they’d say 17 or 18 (young, teen age). Suddenly, I’d see the place is empty – The counter table now looking like 2 long beds with cloth covers on them. I slump on the floor? I remember this set-up resembles my room with 2 beds – or that I remember 2 beds – Another scene confirms / shows I am in my room with 2 beds – like am in a camper – away from other houses / dwelling places / campers? (not necessarily campers, or that am in a camper) – Seems as if am isolated? / alone – PEOPLE THINK AM INSANE? – something like this – unsure of this – Details missing –
NOVEMBER 28, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Walking on a street, I see a man (worker) with 2? others – about to go home (after work) – Next scene, am with this man – He’s my lover? now – I carry a square, black leathery bag with a long strap (on my shoulder). It’s Niño’s bag or the bag he chooses to buy – filled with some groceries from this man. I am walking him home – He mentions something about Niño – or that according to him, he talks to Niño – that he says something about me – I ask what Niño says (against?) about me – He admits he doesn’t say anything ill against me – The street to his place / his ride seems a bit steep – Before reaching the street where he takes a ride / near his place, he goes to one corner and pees – I take a good look at him, his back to me – I think he wears slippers – ordinary working man – a bit rough skin – He takes out his long dick – I guess that’s what I like about him – Near his street, there’s this gf of his standing at the corner – He avoids her – takes a left turn while I go straight, upper part of the road and leave the bag infront, or he does? of a house – I go down the street about to go home, but decide later on to get back to the street where I (?) /or he leave the bag – if the groceries and bag are still there – Among a pile of trash? is the bag, empty of its contents. I realize he returns back to this place and just retrieves the groceries – I get the bag – I may not like it as it’s Niño who picks this bag out – but, I can still make use of it. On my way, I meet this old man (not so old) who’d hold the bag with both his hands – I think he asks why I wouldn’t let him bring his bag – something like this – He keeps pulling? (unsure of this) the bag. I get pissed. I see a long piece of wood- I, hesitantly but eventually hit him with it (on the head). I run away / walk away fast from the scene – reaching a corner street, I sort of take cover – close my eyes and try to put on a SHROUD OF INVISIBILITY around me – Check for myself if it works – It seems I do this before in one of my earlier dreams – I wait for the old man to appear / pass –
DECEMBER 1, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – That I am to wed a woman who’d see me or vice-versa – It seems it is “pikot” – Blur –
DECEMBER 2, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Now, in Sony’s / Corazon’s house. It seems Mike, her brother, is her husband (?) – Very hazy – It’s a 2 storey unfinished house, but already livable – I think my friends are with me – though I don’t see them – We’re guests in Sony’s house – Not sure if it’s in Bel’s dream – where I see people rushing to a direction – THERE’S FIRE? a bit far / distant from her house / Sony’s house – Unsure of this – It’s windy in this area – A scene am in their bedroom – where Mike goes out – Corazon / Sony in the bed with her child / daughter? I go to their bedroom terrace – I get scared – It has no protective grills – just open – I think they still don’t have money for the grills – It’s windy. It seems there is no nearby neighbor – Is it an open field? / grassy area? – It’s night time – Going back in, I tell Sony, at least, she has her own house – This seems to be another house apart from her Biñan house? – I say, “Ako nga walang sariling bahay” – something like this – The wall where her bed rests against has a small square hole – perhaps, for ventilation – I see Corazon put her head through the hole or she places her head near the hole for some air – Suddenly, somebody outside / behind the wall grabs her and her child. I hear, “Pulis! Pulis!” – the one who pulls mother and daughter out of the hole (hole being narrow) – I rush out of the room calling out Mike’s name, “Mike! Mike!” – Checking in the other room, I see a man (companion of mine? /or it seems it is Arthur? -unsure of this) wearing white polo shirt (?) – already held captive – and so is Mike – I suspect my friends? are in that room? I run away from that room – I suspect some men are inside Sony’s house – I think I see a closed (wooden covered) window – And I would just storm out of this house through that closed window? Throwing my body against the window – Am able to get out of the house – Open field – And I run (at least, that’s my only recourse) – A THOUGHT THAT PEOPLE WOULD DESIRE TO HUNT ME DOWN – A FEAR OF IT BECAUSE OF WHAT I CLAIM / DO – something like this – AND KILL ME FOR IT? – unsure of this – I see Arthur? standing upright – though I know he and others in the room are already held captives by some men –
DECEMBER 4, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Recalled Portion Only – I see myself in a huge beautiful room – not much furnishings – Am on a bed? (not sure) – Near the entrance door, innermost part of the room, I see Nanay? and Brian – Brian plays scrabble? – Next scene, they’re gone – I go to the CR. Behind the spot where Nanay and Brian are, earlier, is a glass wall – where I can see Ditas’ house – Am looking below – where I am is a tall building – overlooking her house – Her house not so great – small, at least, her room – I see the roof of her house – I feel the presence of children (hers) in the premises? of this property (though I don’t see them) – As I pee, I feel she can see me from where she is – Am half naked. I lean my back against the wall – stretching my body a bit as I pee – a teasing position, should Ditas be watching me / be seeing me – Walking back to the room / spot where I am – as I am to go there, I see a clothesline with many white briefs hanging – some with faint smudge on the groin area of the brief – I see its brand (I forget). On my mind, I can use them – if someone / the owner leaves them – Approaching the entrance door are a young man and a 50 year old? looking man – Straight to the room unto the inner part where the hung briefs are. It seems he stays in this room, as well – I ask, “Are those shorts” – later I say, “briefs yours?” – They are his – He’s a bit pissed as he finds out game boards / gadgets are in disarray / nowhere – “No game to play!” says he and throws away something / a thing – I remember Brian tinkers with the scrabble – I think this young man, though a bit short, but stocky body / frame looks like a foreigner – These 2? men go out – or at least, the old man goes out through the side / back door – 2 leaf door – nice door (with grill designs) – On my mind, the design of the door is nice – perhaps, to make this room look more “sosyal” / classy – A scene where I see Lou Diamond Phillips – who learns / acquires the skill to wriggle his body (lying with his back on the ground) to move – instead of walk – I think I go out the side / back door, too, of the room – and so does the young man – I think he follows Lou Diamond – as he is to play some sport – The young man would play something else (I forget what it is) – Lou is by the bank of the river – lying down the river bank and wriggling his body down the river – and under – On the river bed, he wriggles his body still. Envious and eager to learn what Lou does, this young man asks Lou, “Teach me?” Lou says, “No” – Suddenly, I think the young man grabs / gets a bird (?) and sort of challenges Lou if he can catch up the bird that this young man lets loose in the air – on a higher mountainous side (left side – horizon). Lou dives straight to the water – Don’t know how he pursues / catches the bird – Somehow, I know he can – I think Lou has a new movie where he uses this wriggle technique – AM I LOU? Or am just watching them? -unsure of this –
DECEMBER 5, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Hazy – A four (4)? line – stanza addressed to Tim (and me – unsure about me being included), and Nolan as well – There’s a very small house (like a barn) – “TITI” IS MENTIONED IN THE STANZA – being always “back” to doing it (gimmickings) – “TRUE LOVE” – is also mentioned. In essence, it tells of how Tim, Nolan (and I?) go back to their old habits of whatever nature not attuned with HIM – that TRUE LOVE COMES? OR IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRIUMPH? OVER TEMPTATIONS (not mentioned) OF THIS WORLD – something like this –
* “Titi”- penis
DECEMBER 6, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Bits and pieces only – There’s this man – wearing a laboratory gown? – We’re in a clinic- looking place – both of us standing – Am facing something like a wall? while he tells me, “Maraming gagamitin diyan …” referring to my hollow cheeks that he intends to inject with silicone? (not mentioned) – to give a puffed- up look on my cheeks – Another scene, Madame Auring prepares the syringe and stuffs she’d use on my cheeks – A scene I look out at my face in the mirror – I decline this procedure – I forget how this dream starts – If I consult them or if I desire to have this sort of face lift – I run away from Auring – Hazy.
DECEMBER 7, 2004 – VOL. 23
-Almost dark (pm) waiting for Mila M – back of Nanay’s house – I think she passes by as if she still goes home to her old house site – near Bel’s lot (not given – just a conscious thought / awake). She doesn’t mind me – A scene where I see myself writing down many dreams – and perhaps, these dreams I show / send to her- which don’t have any impact on her / importance. On my mind, as perhaps, she’s like a “dead woman” / unmindful / silent – beside me / passing by me – I wonder if I’d ask for help (money?) and I hesitate – Or if she, herself would offer to give which she doesn’t – A scene while I write some dreams down, I see the words, “Sofia (?) white / white sofa” – A weird scene / thought – that when I would write down my dreams, I see a man wearing a white sando who lies down / lying down on my bed, his head near the lamp shade / headboard of my bed – and that, I’d sort of wake him up – let him open his eyes as, perhaps, his open eyes are my SOURCE OF LIGHT in writing my dreams down – Or sometimes, I just find him with his eyes open – and I’d write my dreams down – Waking up from this dream, I can still imagine / sort of picture this man beside me – his legs infront of my face – It scares me – I seem to expect help from Mila in this dream – but she’s cold, numb – She couldn’t care less.
-I see a picture of a small house / hut (same as the small hut in December 5 Tim dream) – Immediately, I know it’s the one I draw / describe / picture earlier before (not necessarily the Tim dream) – I draw one again – On the left side of the hut is another (smaller) space – This space has some sort of significance – IS IT ABOUT JESUS? very unsure of this – Earlier, I’d put some sort of design (dayami / bush effect to be its roof) – It’s as if I put with my own hand the dayami thing on top of the roof. IT’S AS IF IN THE PICTURE (newspaper?) IT HAS A JESUS? INSIDE THE SMALL SPACE (left) – very unsure of this Jesus inclusion in the small space –
- Blur – Bel asking Tim if I kiss (our mouths sealed together) a certain person in an inverted position, a la “Spiderman” kissing Kirsten Dunst while hanging – my leg as anchor – Later, I’d picture a gorilla – (lapat ang bibig sa bibig ko) – Is it Abbey? as the man – unsure of Abbey – Next is a gorilla – Tim answers, “Yes”?
DECEMBER 9, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Blur – Ray is present – I REFUSE TO PILOT / FLY A PLANE – Hazy –
DECEMBER 10, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Blur – Very unsure of details. Am with a couple, husband and wife? – We’re in front of __________ Shrine? or the plaza? – I TELL THE HUSBAND THERE IS GOING TO BE A CHANGE – SOMETHING ABOUT HIM AND JOSE RIZAL (unsure of this) – As I speak to this man, our heads are close to one another – and we just kiss on the mouth. The wife who I think for awhile as a gay man, slugs him to stop him from what he’s doing, kissing me – She is jealous. There’s something that I say about “AT THE END OF THIS MONTH” – I forget what it is – There’s a burger patty on the ground hit by someone’s foot – unsure of the dream’s details – We can see the Shrine’s staff still working (from where we are – outside the Shrine) – I remember I know someone working there – a distant relative?
TRIVIA:
EAB’s Sleeptalk: December 11, 2004- Vol 24
“Alalayan ninyo ako mamayang alas dos ha?... Japayuki…. Juliet- how are you, Juliet?”
*Juliet means youthful, changeable
DECEMBER 12, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – Angry at Nanay to a point of confronting her and slapping her – threatening her that I’d go to a point of having intercourse with dogs, big dogs – Big dogs / gorillas? with big dicks – Weird – Inform her am going home and that she shouldn’t be there? -unsure of that – A scene Paolo Bediones (?) interviews someone about dogs / gorillas? regarding mating with them? Another scene where someone envies these / through reading / by reading something / an article about those who’d go through bestiality / do acts of bestiality and envy them as if it’s such a great thing to do – Hazy – I forget the rest. Nanay is palaban –
-In a church – by the altar, there are some long chairs – ours shorter – left side of the altar – There are people with me standing (flock?) – I’d go to the right side of the altar where Alma waits for me. I wear a white robe – I go near Alma who “BAPTIZES” me with Holy water (in a small plastic bottle). She pours some HOLY WATER on my head. Water drips from my head as I go back to my chair – Afterwards, I’d step out of my row – Someone passes infront of me with a piece of wood that blocks my path as I intend to go face the churchgoers – I think my shirt / clothes that I wear gets entangled with something on the chair – I need to lift up my foot to avoid the wood blocking my path – Now, infront of the crowd, I say – “I COME…… BE BLESSED” / Baptized (a la JESUS baptized by John – To re-enact the same process of humility) by Yi to tell you of THE GOOD NEWS, “I AM “HE” THE WHOLE WORLD IS WAITING FOR” – Before I could even finish the last statement after saying “I AM HE” – the audience (people) begins to walk out of the church. I follow them to the door – Everyone is out – There’s a little boy behind me about to exit, as well. – I put my right hand on his head and say, “BE AN ANGEL” – I worry a bit / fear a bit if he does become an angel – AND HE DOES – He flies high above the sky – Some people see him – His wings are not as huge and wide – but like the birds – though I don’t get to see him up close / near – I see him already up in the sky –
DECEMBER 14, 2004 – VOL. 24
-A scene where I see Rennie B. in a genuflect position (?) – just his body lowered to the ground as he tinkers with this tablet / medicine – I ask him, “Hindi ka ba binigyan ni doktora?” – It seems that there is this lady doctor – I look behind me – for she’s just around earlier – giving out medicines – Rennie shrugs his head – Tears running down his face – I say to him, “HINDI BALE – HINTAYIN MO LANG PAGKA- MESIYA KO – AKO’NG BAHALA” – something like this – Am also weeping as I stroke his back? / his shoulder. I know that Rennie has an ailment that remains unhealed – Earlier, Rennie’s head is nestled on his knee – when his tears run on his face – When I look for the doctor behind me, she’s already gone – Rennie’s right cheek (his head / face) nestled on his knee – facing me.
DECEMBER 18, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – I am in Chet’s house (though it seems it is Nanay’s house) – Am (seated) at the dining table with Chet – She’s doing something – preparing something to cook? – vegetables? -unsure of this – while I do something, too? (Don’t remember what?) – I call Nolan to do something for me. He is “Soiny” (Nolan). Coming from the piano area, “Soiny” comes to the dining area and gets the thing I ask “her” to do / get – There’s another character in this dream – I don’t know who is he – like Nolan who is Soiny, represented in the dream – This person I know is represented by Odette Khan. A scene where Chet asks why is it that I need to wait for later to eat – something like this, as I say, earlier, that I’d eat in a while – I have an answer to this question – I forget what it is –
-Hazy – Nolan asks what he is to say to Chet / excuse he gives his mother. I tell him to say, “NAGKAKAGULO NA!” – “FOUR MONTHS NA LANG” – or “FOUR MONTHS NG NAGKAKAGULO” – something like this.
DECEMBER 21, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – I am taking ROTC – I am absent one time / always? I go to the ROTC office? – There’s a man there – and others (students) – It seems this man is in-charge – He informs me my haircut which I just have isn’t short enough, at least, on the side – That I need to have the sides trimmed again – While going out of this office / department, he walks with me – I get to see his head / haircut – At the back he has some crooked cut – just like what is done when one’s haircut is not done right and they cut your hair anywhere (ugly cut) to force one to have it cut right / properly – I wonder if he’s a student, as well. – Next scene, I seem to be talking to a higher-up / training / ROTC training department – perhaps, the head – I walk along with him – informing him that I am done with college (Med. Tech.?) at the FEU (to go abroad) – I intend to tell about my exemption? at the ROTC, my intent to apply again, because of my hypertension – I could make it an excuse – can’t do much training, neither do I know some training steps / rituals / march. Suddenly, we pass by a tall tree – Beside it, is a terrace where Rufa Mae Quinto is and a young boy (little). It just so happens I pass by them. There’s an idiot board (the idiot board hangs up the tree) – that one is supposed to read as a response / answer to Rufa’s lines – Can’t remember what the line is – I say it – She answers – and I say, “Talaga?” – Rufa says something like, I’d get this price (or her?) for P30.00, “Yung iba nga libo-libo, hindi ako nakuha”. She says her lines comically – her usual funny self – Earlier, the little boy comments, “Ang bilis naman” – the way I read the lines / answer. Suddenly, there’s Dolphy running naked – his dick showing – not as big as rumored – though I don’t get a good look at it – Nolan present – unsure if Nolan is at the back (on board) a truck (open truck or it is the ROTC head, naked, as well, with his dick showing – There are 2 dicks I see in the ROTC head’s body – There are 2 “things” on his left waist – One is penis? and another __?__– I say, “Mas malaki pa punyal (knife)” on his waist compaired to his dick between his legs. I say to Nolan I’m going to run after Tito Dolphy, who runs quite fast – I couldn’t catch him – He dresses-up while running – but is met by a young man (not so young) – He kisses Dolphy on the mouth, hitting Dolphy’s lips – It’s his son and urges him to go home – something like this – or who commands him to go home (instructs). FOR A WHILE, I THINK / FEEL AS IF DOLPHY IS MY FATHER? (unsure of this). Earlier, I am to inform the ROTC head, am already 50 years old – old enough to train / do ROTC. It seems am not done with the 4 Ms training.
DECMEBER 22, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – Forget the start of this dream – That I am to marry a woman? I think I sort of hesitate and back out – or leave for awhile – to breathe some air. Coming back, as you enter the right of way, there’s a quite long table with food on it (lots of food?) – My relatives / looban are just waiting / observing – at Ligaya’s garage? – somewhere interior of the looban, looking at what I’d do with the handa – Tito Osy and Tita Eleng pass by – perhaps, going to the church – Don’t know if I have someone with me at this table – They, Eleng and Osy, leave now – After a while, Belen comes and I invite her /or she invites herself? (unsure which) to eat – Next glance, I’d see others eating already – I see Tony, our houseboy eating (seated) and others – Suddenly, Osy and Eleng arrive and I enjoin them to eat – I suppose this gesture of mine, as far as letting them eat the “handa” makes me agree / automatically married? on my mind. I wish / know this marriage could just flitter away and I get talked about having liaisons with other men – Hazy – In another scene, there’s someone reading something – about the girl I marry? or about to marry – Her likes and dislikes – or her preference for a husband – The one reading what seems like an article in a book? or a magazine? column where this girl says – “KAILANGAN “KA-PUKI” KO” – and some other description using “VAGINA” as part of the requirement / in a joking manner? -unsure of this – The reader giggles while reading it –
DECEMBER 23, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Gam? holding a huge poster map (like a big square table) – taped together – of the Philippines with the sign “THE POLAR EXPRESS” (small, square picture) at the back of the poster map while I look on – or is it I holding the poster map? -unsure of this – Somebody (a media person?) gives this / sends this poster map to us.
*The ticket given to the boy bears the letters B and E (the Bearer’s initials – BEA, EAB). The boy’s task is to BELIEVE and when he does the word on the ticket will be complete.
*Believe in EAB as JESUS?
TRIVIA:
SCENE IN THE MOVIE “THE POLAR EXPRESS”: TRAIN TICKET HAS THE NUMBERS “1225” *221/122,223/322,225/522-(the mystical numbers of the Mission)
DECEMBER 24, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – with Grace – I say to her she has 2 teachers (?) – She says, “Yes” – “Who do you prefer?” I ask – She says, “Bel”. The 2 teachers are MANG-AALIW (Me) and Bel – Don’t remember her justification – On my mind, I hear myself say, “Okay lang” –
EAB’S Sleeptalk: Dec. 27, 2007- Vol. 24
“Pababayaan yung friends mo…. ayoko yun!”
DECEMBER 28, 2004 – VOL. 24
- Hazy- A man with TWO AXES in his hands- A scene, I hold both his hands with axes/ hold the handles of the axes (that he holds). Next scene, I see him hit his head against the axes he holds – something like this.
DECEMBER 28, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – Bits and Pieces Only – Niño and I together in the Old House? – though the Old House seems a bit unusual – A scene, I see an area where it seems dilapidated of sorts (not really, but quite). A scene where we would kiss – Are we on the floor? – HE IS TO LEAVE FOR A WHILE AND HE’D LEAVE OUR SON TO ME – (as if we’re husband and wife and we have a son). For a moment, I feel as if the Old House area where we kiss seems like a movie house? – There’s a scene where I would say to us (Niño and myself), “Wag ng mag-aaway!” Hazy – Another scene, it is given /or I realize that Niño is a movie star (sort of action-bold movie?) – Another scene, am at the lobby of the theatre – as I go out of a theatre. I see some young women staff members of the company / film company? where I overhear that the owner? / producer? sells Niño a defective equipment /or merchandize he uses for business? (Magulo / confusing situation) – That, perhaps, Niño is short of cheated by this person – I remember an earlier scene (perhaps, just feed to my mind) where there are some women staff talk about this defective stuff / machine? – now, with what they say, I am able to confirm it – Another scene where I see Niño, now turned Richard Gomez climbing up a wall ? of sorts / tall fence? – a la action hero – perhaps, part of a movie scene? – Earlier, inside the Old House? / theatre? / place where Niño and I live, our son is just a few feet behind me – Niño goes out and I pick up our kid – Someone pops out of the door – It’s Pablo Gomez – One scene, I see him (as if am viewing him from the top) lying on a bed? sprawled, lying on his back – as if he wears a kind of clothes used in weddings? / debutantes – cloth used in petty coats (under the main cloth) – white, net-like fabric. But the one he wears is sort of pink? – a la gown? Another scene, my son and I are outside (garage?) of the Old House? – where I see someone peeking at a window hole / capiz hole of the window – The room / place where Pablo is, is where this man (owner / producer) stays and he’s to get information / some stuffs / leads to what he does against Niño – Pablo winks his eye in the hole – Suddenly, Pablo hangs by something – climbing a wall? – This is his way of instructing us what to do to find out why / how this owner / producer swindles? Niño – Pablo seems to wear a rabbit costume – Now, his body, as a rabbit, is cut in half – From his mid-rib are grasses / green hays? – I think he holds the other half of his body / rabbit costume – Weird – as if he seems to climb / crawl up on the wall. – Blur. –As I am gladdened by what Pablo does (as he winks his eye and does something to find some solution? / answer to Niño’s would-be problem), I’d kiss the child I hold /or he’s beside me, on the forehead – Now, I know that this small child is Pablo Gomez, too – the small child is Pablo S. Gomez (PSG) – Weird dream.
DECEMBER 29, 2004 – VOL. 24
-I, already an actor – On board a car heading to a place / abroad? to star in a movie opposite Jennifer Lopez – Hazy – In a modest house, (J-lo’s?), I see her boyfriend, not handsome, ordinary-looking – seems like Asian, brown-skinned? – Dining table – J-lo’s boyfriend very jealous of me – He has a kitchen knife somewhere protruding above his shoulder / behind him – His friend is seated to his left – I think am holding hands with J-lo – Upon seeing this knife and his angry look, I extend my hand to him and say, “No” (seeing the knife as well and sensing what he might do) – Turning my head to my right (looking at J-lo), J-lo’s bf takes his knife and aims it at me – I guess I raise my hand to protect myself – He cuts the back of my palm / hand – runs the knife at the back of my hand – making a long cut – I feel the tip of the (sharp pointed tip of the knife) knife cutting my skin / flesh – Next scene, in the hospital – where my cut is being sewed?, J-lo present – outside? Am lying down? Hazy. Earlier scene, where J-lo enters an area of the house and I start kissing her neck down to her breast (with her shirt / blouse on, no bra) – I can smell her body scent – ordinary smell – Her bf follows her, as she enters this area – Perhaps, he sees what we’re doing? -unsure of this. As I kiss J-lo on the neck and breast (with her shirt on), she says softly, “Wag, wag”, but doesn’t push me – allows me to kiss her despite this, “Wag, wag”.
-I HEAR DRUMS – LOUD DRUM MUSIC – AND I DANCE TO IT – Conscious not to move / dance the way others do on MTV or any dancer’s movement / gyrations – I need to be dancing / moving “MY” way – A dance movement that is exclusive to me /or would remind people it’s my own movement / statement (perhaps, as MANG-AALIW?- unsure of this) – No lewd gyrations or fuck movements – Drum music is enticing / mystifying / inviting – as if am being watched / documented / recorded (very unsure of this) –
DECEMBER 30, 2004 – VOL. 24
-Blur – From Nanay’s house, we go to Bel’s property – infront of Bel’s gate – There’s a little girl with me (about 5 years old?) who I think (but not sure) is “Liberty”, Rita’s daughter and a little boy – about 2-3 years old – Liberty? informs me that her relatives (Olivia?) go to Manila (I can’t remember where as she mentions the place) for “Pamasko” – even Gilbert goes there, too – She says, “Ang laki ng kita” (Pamasko money). I turn to this little boy who’s mestizo? looking with tall, aquiline nose and tell him to go to Onggay and ask Pamasko – (or say Merry Christmas? unsure of this). On my mind, she’d only give P100 – if ever she gives. Pamasko is for me? I ask this little boy if he can come back – I think he says he can – I notice Liberty carries something in her hand? /or pocket / chest. She takes it out / shows it – A pack of HOPE cigarette – She says Ligaya summons her to buy P11.00 worth of HOPE. But that she can no longer take the cigarette to Ligaya, so she puts it in her pocket (chest, right side). I notice Liberty is seated on the pavement (we’re on the sidewalk, front of Bel’s gate as my car is parked there) – Am to get my car there and head for Manila – And I fear these 2 kids would tag along and that I’d be forced to take them to this place where her relatives / Gilbert go for Pamasko. I tell her not to sit on the pavement / to stand up as her white, silky / satin like panty / pants would get dirty and as such, would dirty up the car seat – I don’t remember what answer she gives me – and asking her if she knows how to travel alone / get back home for Manila. She says she’s not going with me to Manila – She says she’ll just go to __?__ (name of a woman – perhaps, her relative – (Sounds like Aya / Anya) – Earlier, I’d say to Liberty to just give me the HOPE cigarette – that I could use it - Am in a squatted position and looking up after saying I’d just use / smoke the cigarette myself. I see Nolan standing infront of us – He’s with us all along – Liberty mentions the name of the relative Olive and Gilbert go to – Temyong – Liberty mentions about a Herrera? (unsure of this name) being sold at P1M – I ask her if it’s a property – I think it’s her relatives’ property located in that place? – unsure of this – Could be that “Herrera” sounds like the actual name she gives – not sure of this – Earlier, I fear if Liberty along with this little kid could get back home on their own – For a while, I think / feel the little boy’s with me? – Hazy – I do not know who he is – or a slight inkling who he is –
*The new HOPE cigarette ad, April 28, 2008, Phil. Star
*221/122,223/322,225/522 are the Mission’s mystical numbers
*EAB is the NEW HOPE COMING?
JANUARY 2, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Nanay’s house – There are these 2 young boys – about 11 or 12? – early teens – very handsome boys – mestizo type – They are brothers – On the stairs of Nanay’s house, the eldest brother of the 2 boys is seated (almost mid-stairs) – Osiris V. goes down the stairs, past this eldest brother of the 2 boys – Osiris is the father of these 3 boys. The first 3 sons from another woman? (not Eleng). The eldest looks a bit old – late 20’s? or early 30’s? -unsure of this – He relates his resentments over Osiris – not sure if he’s the one who informs me of someone who goes to a mountain dressed as “JESUS” – as if imitating or enacting what is written in a book entitled, “RESURRECTION” authored by a certain “Joaquin”? (unsure of Joaquin) __?__ I forget the surname – Am also by the stairs – The book is infront of me – on the floor – I turn the pages of the book after seeing the title, “RESURRECTION”. This act of being Jesus atop the mountain is a charade of sort / an act –
JANUARY 4, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – Nighttime - Outside a house? / seems like an office (closed) is a small dog. Its balahibo is rusty color – It barks at me, first – but I sort of talk to it – It sort of gets soft on me – whimpering – I pick it up and take it with me – I know it’s somebody else’s dog – but it’s not taken care of – and hungry – Ground floor. back side, Nanay’s house – I enter through the backdoor / garage – Near the dining area, I’d let it loose – There’s a cat I see in the house – I give the dog a piece of bread (pandesal?) – Eating the bread, the cat joins in and later, quarrels with the dog – Hazy – I see the dog like a tiny thing (smaller than a chick of a balut, no balahibo) - I take it to the lavatory area, now Nick’s dining area – There’s a stove where I see some big slices / legs (pigi) lechon / cut body of lechon – leftovers, perhaps and some other stuffs being cooked. Olan sets aside something for himself. In the place where I put the dog, I seem to see a picture of Michael Jackson – Later, I’D HEAR MY LITTLE DOG, (though small, balahibo less, limp and not moving at all), SING A CHRISTMAS SONG. The first one it sings, I forget.” and The 2nd one, “WHITE CHRISTMAS the 3rd one, a love song – ALL SONGS WITH THE VOICE OF MICHAEL JACKSON – BUT, IT’S MY DOG THAT SINGS THEM – Tim is with me, comes in once in a while. Another stove where I see a cauldron of something being cooked – I see big hotdogs (frankfurters) – light brown hotdogs. I think I commission Tim to sort of bantay / prepare these stuffs – for us to eat? Right side of the lavatory area, I’d see some live ducks. Hanging mid-part of the wall is like a shelf with some hays on it – There are hatched duck eggs – I see several chicks – Earlier, I’d ask Tim what my dog sings – He says the title and the 2nd song title. Gam’s present and Kuya Obet? -unsure of Obet – Both seeing my puppy dog which I name as RUSSIA – Earlier, I’d have problem finding a name for it – I have a name, earlier, I forget – but I fear it’ll offend Bel – perhaps it’s associated with her – I forget what it is – So I choose Russia – Earlier, in the spot where I put the limp dog, it defecates – one thing I worry about – cleaning his shit. Earlier still, getting it from outside the house where I see it, I am afraid to put it close to my body (but I do) fearful it might have fleas – but I guess, it doesn’t, as I look at its body – It’s a male dog – I see its testes – with its shit. I pick it up and wash my hand directly from the faucet – seems slimy – not easy to remove the slimy feeling on my fingers / hand – WHEN THE DOG STARTS TO SING, IT BECOMES A LITTLE BIGGER – STILL THUMB SIZED, FURLESS “THING”.
JANUARY 7, 2005 – VOL. 24
-While I paint white the walls of a buildings on the street, upper side only, I hear Gam informing me how much contribution (to the government) and help the nurses give since – even the PGH is helped tremendously (or painted?) by the nurses – I ask him, “Since when?” I say to him that I remember Purita’s nursing education is free – but then, I say I’m not sure. Surely, Nanay pays something – Am on the floor painting partly the PGH? side wall (seems like P. Faura Street – side corner where the Philippine Nurse’s Home is located) – I think it’s still part of the PGH property? -not sure of this. As I paint the walls still ___?____ – One straight stroke of what I hold in my hand – a piece of cloth? soaked in white paint. I reach a corner wall / end wall – saying to myself (in my head), as if addressing / informing all the people that “I” AM COMING to their town, city, province, barangay (place) city – that they better clean/paint their place (cities, municipalities) well, as they never do before – for the MERIT/ AWARD that will be BESTOWED upon them COMES DIRECTLY FROM HEAVEN. Now, am painting (rubbing it, using what I have in my hand) the upper trunks / branch of a tree – which seems has no leaves (unsure of this). It seems the lower part of this tree already has white paint on it – I lift up my head to the sky / heaven and say, “IF NOT FOR YOU, MY GOD – THIS I WOULDN’T DO (the things I do / the things I forego because of HIM) – And I sort of weep – while saying these words, “I DO THESE THINGS FOR YOU” – while I say these words, I hear loud orchestral, HEAVENLY MUSIC (like in movies where a particular scene is accentuated or becomes impactful with the sound of music – feeding the emotions conveyed by the characters on the scene / screen) – Now, a particular musical piece is played – Great climactic tone of music – And I anticipate what scene transpires next – end of dream. – The ANNOUNCEMENT of MY VISITATION / COMING to every municipality / town / city is ADDRESSED NATIONWIDE (at least, in the Philippines?).
JANUARY 7, 2005 – VOL. 24
- Am now in a place where Ray and Lorna stay – Am fixing something / doing something – I hear Purita’s voice – She’s bathing her child at the kitchen / bathe area a bit far from where I am (sala?) – There’s a bag I get / a big? black? heavy bag that Purita sends before (an earlier visit to the Philippines) – Opening it, I see a thick black (cover) album – pictures of a man (1st page) something /someone foreign? Turning the other pages, I think I see Charito’s picture? and a picture that has FPJ in it, among other people (side view of FPJ leaning on a table) – I see several magazines – A nice backpack with stuffs in it – unsure if the bag that contains all these things is with a black cover – I intend to bring this bag and the stuffs in it – on top of a low cabinet / consul table? I see a small leather wallet. Opening it, I see a thick pair of round spectacles that I suspect to be Ray’s – I put it back – There’s another small pocket-type stuff not far from Ray’s leather wallet of sort – of similar shape as Ray’s – I guess it must be Purita’s – not sure of this. I know Ray knows / is aware of my presence in his? Place. I wonder if he informs Purita about me – He’s now in what looks like Nanay’s CR, bathing. Unsure if Ray passes by me (where I am) and goes to the CR – I need to pee and I’d go to the connecting CR (right next to Ray’s)- This in real life, is supposed to be (in Nanay’s house) / is the kitchen’s CR. Inside the CR, I fear Ray would ask who’s in the CR, next to his, where he is – as my urine touches the bowl water and creates noise. In real life, there wouldn’t be another CR other than the kitchen CR – because from where I am, I can still hear Purita bathing her child – I hear her ask, “Si Nanay?” as if asking if Nanay is present – or perhaps Purita is no longer in the CR? Interior of the CR where I am seems nice – bluish / blue john? Earlier? / after? I pee, I call on Tim and Nolan. I assign to Tim the thick album to carry, as well as the backpack (am worried if it gets dirty but decide Tim carries it on his back). It is as if I deliberately want Tim to carry the heavier stuff. Nolan to carry the rest of the bag’s contents. Thoughts while in the CR- surely, Lorna would tell Purita of my presence in their? / Nanay’s house yesterday / just the other day – saying I’m working on something – as if I hear her say these things already. Earlier, as I get the bag from the small / low cabinet / consul table, I see some paste tubes inside the drawer – looking familiar to me – and other stuffs? -unsure of other stuffs. A scene where I see Purita having pity on me, her usual anger-subsiding way – apathy later turning to empathy/ sympathy – hugging me. We seem to be inside a small room where I look at the walls. I see a big cheque-like poster posted on the wall infront of me – I seem apathetic, unmindful / reaction less towards Purita’s condescending way of showing / expressing her apology? / love as a sister. Staring still at the wall to my left now – I see an illustration / sketch? of a woman (a la old British royalty picture, but not?) Blur – Image of this picture / illustration /or this part of the dream – AN IMAGE / VISION OF MYSELF IN MY “PATHETIC” (to man’s eyes and to my sister’s, as well) JOURNEY TOWARDS THE FULFILLMENT OF THIS MISSION ALL THESE YEARS – Yet, no vision of such a struggle is shown – Only felt by me “inside” – FOR THE VISION I SEE OF “MYSELF” IS JESUS WEARING THE ROYAL CROWN – IT IS I WEARING THE CROWN while Purita hugs me, in tears? while I stand emotionless to her whimperings. Jesus is His usual? bearded, bemoustached image of 2,000 years ago, wearing a crown similar to what is depicted or drawn / illustrated in pictures / posters sold / are available in bookstores – Yet, it is I WEARING THE CROWN – Unsure where we are, Intramuros boarding house or Nanay’s house – as the earlier scenes are (situated) near the boarding house – Manila City Hall? – CROWN IS BULBOUS.
*Manila Standard, JANUARY 26, 2005
*Note the “Homosexual Acts” word right side article. The Bearer who claims to be Jesus is a homosexual.
JANUARY 9, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Garage, Old House – There’s a foreign-looking man in his 50’s – late 50’s or early 60’s – as if he directs? / anticipates the blowing of the wind – On the front fence / wall of the Old House, leaves sort of spotlighted, but not – On the right side wall, as if there’s a building on the right side (place of the fence) is a leaf, too – or, perhaps these leaves are but shadows of leaves. The movement of the leaves depicts the flight of the wind / direction of which it blows – It is, sort of, the foreign man’s wind vane – He instructs me to go for it – FLY – And I do get lifted up by the rush of the wind /or the wind circulating around the garage area in circular? or a whirlpool motion – strong enough to carry me up – and I FLY UP – Gam is near the gate and I tell him, “LOOK AT ME, I’M FLYING” – This, I do twice – Am positioned at first, at the gate, my back to it – facing the Old House.
-I see Brian, Westlife ex-member – with his big smile. I think I say (shout), “C’mon Brian”. I see him jolly – Is he the one now watching me fly? or instructing me to fly? -very unsure of this – A scene where I stomp my hand on a table – Is it when Brian, ex-Westlife member, is present? -very unsure where Brian comes in –
JANUARY 13, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – Some sort of gathering (in my house? Unfamiliar?) – Am checking out something – that looks like a light stand (?) – Unsure of this – Looking at a hole (?) from which the light emanates from / through it pointing to something – IT IS AS IF IT’S A MAP / GUIDE OF SORT TO A TREASURE? / something – Can’t recall the shape or how this stand looks like or the hole through which the light forms something that sort of guides me to a find – I discover the inner, upper ceiling of the hole has some screws (?) in them that, perhaps, opens up to something inside the stand (though stand is small / narrow / thin). A scene where Nick looks at it, too – People come in with their own plates of food – Hazy – Abbey comes in, as well, with his plate – with some chicken (fried) on it – It is that I collect some of the chicken from the plates of others who come in and get Abbey’s chicken, as well – Or stop him from getting chicken from the plate I hold – It is as if these pieces of chicken I collect from them come from inside (?) the lamp hole (unsure if it’s a lamp stand). Abbey comments, though a soft complaint about it – I forget what it is I think I say as a warning / reply – “Don’t do it again”? (very unsure of this) to which he lifts up his head and says something like – “If ever he does it (not the exact words), pang-apat na “offense” (not the word used) na ‘yun” – something like this – Before all these scenes, at about the time I inspect the stand, the phone rings – “Hello?” say I – Silence for a moment – then, a woman’s voice blurts out, “I didn’t ignore / abandon you – Yung “walang kwenta” (not sure of the word) Nanay __?__ (ang abandoned niya)” (Purita). I don’t answer / respond – I see Matthew among those who come in to this area where I inspect the stand – I call Mat and ask, “You want to greet your mother, Merry Christmas?” It seems like a Christmas gathering – I guess some of my relatives (?) come to the place where I am. I give the phone to Mat – A way of evading Purita – I think I resent her long disregard for me – Another scene where, after inspecting the stand himself and discovering, as well? or is he the one who discovers the screws inside the hole?, Nick just winks at me – since there are people with us. The wink means something in the stand could be worth looking at, later. Seems that cut-chicken pieces look like lechon manok / b-b-q chicken slices. Abbey seems a bit resentful? / a bit of sarcasm? (unsure which) with his comment – unsure if it’s my / our house.
-Hazy – It’s as if Nanay builds a house beside? / at the back? / in the middle? of her house (present) – It’s a nice house, surrounded by hanging doors which are all open giving the house a very spacious look. Waking up at about 5 am, I hear something just outside the door (back door?) within the premises – Opening the sliding screen door (a la ________ lanai screen doors / sliding screen doors), I see Tita Pina washing? something (perhaps, her clothes?). I think I tell her it’s much too early. From the gate? a gay guy comes in, with eye liner on his eyelids. He informs Tita Pina about a certain girl, his protégé? who wins in this contest – (foreign judges) and is to be awarded with something, like a trip abroad? – Cathy comes to mind – I think I feel it’s too late to join her in – Yet, I feel she’s in the contest? and hope she wins something – unsure of this. I go to the other door, front? door? There’s a handsome man, perhaps, in his late 20’s or early / mid 30’s – someone familiar, a neighbor that I know in the dream. He has eye liner, as well, on his eyelids. On my mind, it must be a fad now even among heterosexual men – He asks something about Digo – where he stays / lives – I am just by the door – I say, “_________” – He says, “No” – Realizing he doesn’t really stay in __________ anymore, I am puzzled as to where Digo stays presently. I see Nick seated left side of the area, just outside of the door infront of this familiar guy. Nick’s back to me – He’s now being asked by this guy. I don’t know what Nick says – Suddenly, this guy sits on the floor (outside the door) and slides to and fro – seated. The floor seems blackish with granite or something? (asphalt-looking) – And I wonder if the butt side of his pants gets smudged / stained by this blackish floor. He says something like this while sliding – “Don’t do this to me” /or “Wag naman, pare” / “Wag naman sa akin, pare” – Perhaps, something that Nick says in jest? Before this, I’d say to this guy that Digo lives in the house beside ours – I ask Nick, “Di ba diyan nakatira si Digo?” – Since Nick’s back is to me, I don’t know what he says that would make this guy do this odd thing of sliding to and fro, rubbing his butt / pants against the blackish floor – Earlier, seeing Nick, this guy would tap Nick on the shoulder / thigh / leg? Obviously, he knows Nick and vice-versa – He asks, “Si Digo?” They are friends during their younger days – as if they, Digo, Nick and this familiar guy are barkadas during their youth days. The guy seems happy to see Nick – Nick is silent / pensive. I feel awkward not inviting the guy in – and decide to go in – Hesitant to lock the door – I say to them, “Isara ko lang ito, ha?” (the door) which I leave a bit open – I go to the other part of the house. I close one hanging door – It’s windy / ventilation is good with these hanging doors open – I see there’s a short stairs leading to the basement? -unsure if it’s a basement. Inside this house, a thought comes to mind – about a dream, earlier dream, of Nanay’s newly built house that gets burned down? -very unsure of this – I am to inform Nanay about this dream – that I’d have my flock locate this particular dream – (In reality, I don’t have such a dream). Earlier, walking around the house, inspecting it, I feel a sigh of relief that we own this house – Having a feeling of satisfaction and security having this house / owning it without any bank encumbrances / loan to pay up – This feeling gets screwed up with this thought of an earlier dream that foretells of fire eating up Nanay’s house? -very unsure of this – This guy is well-dressed- seems a successful working man – There’s a special occasion this day? – unsure if the fire dream is just a thought or part of the dream. Before this familiar, neighborhood guy comes, there seems to be another one, earlier –
JANUARY 15, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Sleeping in the boarding house – My room – We are to go outing (beach?), me and Carlos Agassi – Piolo Piolo and others go out – I don’t know who are with Piolo – though the rest may still be awake or, perhaps would see what we’re doing /or about to do. I still make a pass at Carlos – which I guess he entertains – I start planting small kisses on him – his legs (hairy) – almost touching with my elbow his almost erect penis, not that big? (though inconclusive – not yet touched by hand). On my mind, kissing him on the legs, I say, “He’s just like Matthew, mabango lang”. I feel a bit awkward doing this thing with Carlos – I suggest we go out to the CR (2nd floor) – Inside the CR, the lock seems broken. Carlos helps out – gets the nail (on a string / tied to a string) used as the blocker / locker. There are 2 male boarders coming down the stairs, just infront of the CR – They carry (each of them) basins, perhaps some dishes to wash – I notice the lower part of the CR door is missing / open. Our feet could be seen from outside – Carlos almost touches my lips, earlier (CR) – but am a bit conscious of my breath. I suggest another place – a motel room – I ask if he already goes to one – I can’t recall his reply – He agrees – We go out of the CR, put my right hand around his shoulders – Am proud to be with him or be seen with him – As we walk on the street, we’re to get my car to go to a motel – He says, “Nakakahiya / Nahihiya ako sa ‘yo. Baka ma-traffic.” I think I say, “Ok lang ‘yon.” – Next scene, on a street where there are some people – I worry that the only money Gam gives me is P500.00 – I guess it’s okay – perhaps, I’d ask for some again (on the phone). I say earlier to Carlos, we’d go to a cheap motel – Earlier still, as I kiss him in the room, I think he tickles with my moustache – He seems affectionate – perhaps, just for the experience – I say to myself – He’s young and hot for sure (but not given) – but something like this thought. A naughty idea in my head, if I could “do” Piolo – but I guess, I couldn’t, anymore – Carlos A. could be a-okay already? Great feeling with Carlos!
JANUARY 17, 2005 – VOL. 24
- Walking up to fancy restaurant, I am met by this woman/ receptionist?/ waitres? She says to me- “KAKAIN KA? BATA MO PA PARA DITO (RESTAURANT)”- “PANG MATANDA ITO!” I think of the fastfood restaurants ___?___ or they just cross my mind.
JANUARY 19, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Mila and I (with Nolan?) inside a covered area (open, like a stall counter, but not). Mila is behind the counter – Am outside this counter. There’s argument over religion – I say to her, “You’re a liar and a thief” – A question I ask, “Is Jesus God?” – She says, “Not all the time” – “You belong to a Christian group – Jesus is Lord” – something that this man says (Supposedly Nolan, though not his usual look) – Something about “Eleven (11)” – As if being 12 is the answer. Hazy – NOLAN (LOOKING LIKE ANOTHER GUY) SAYS, “WAITING FOR 11?” unsure of this –
JANUARY 20, 2005 – VOL. 24
-I see myself walking around – Squatters’ area – Weeping at every child I see – Children who hardly have enough food to eat – impoverished homes / shelters / makeshift houses. I hear the sound of my voice crying – Asking GOD why the need for this – why poverty / such utter deprivation exists – I say to myself that I’d visit each and every house (BEING ME – JESUS) and HEAL every person in that place / house.
JANUARY 21, 2005 – VOL. 24
-It seems Nolan, Tim and I are in an apartment – A scene, I tell Nolan what Tim tells me – that when he goes home (?), he will show him his strength? / how strong he is – Tim shows me, earlier, how he lifts up a pail of water, holding it with one hand on the mid-side of the pail. When I tell this to Nolan, I think Tim shows it to him? -unsure of this. Afterwards, he stands on the pail – I think I tell him to get off the pail as it might break – Yet, it occurs to me TIM IS ALSO A BODY OF WATER (pail has water in it) / TIM IS ALSO WATER WRAPPED IN FLESH OR A BAG OF WATER – something like this – Asking myself why GOD makes man like a soft (as a) pillow – Why not solid like wood or stone? – Hazy.
JANUARY 23, 2005 – VOL. 24
- Blur- Doing some sort of a Math? Exam- don’t know where we are- on board a boat? There are others with me doing (a few) this sort of exam- a teacher (dressed Orientally like a Korean/ Japanese, female teacher)- First part of the exam am able? to do with the help of this girl beside/ infront of me. Next part, I couldn’t do- It’s like drawing a three-roofed boat houses. I can’t draw its actual form- Every detail of each roof (Oriental like that of the Japanese/ Korean houses) shown. The girl offers to do it herself- draws some kind of a boat (the base part). Unable to do it, I ask the girl to do it for me. The teacher walks to and fro behind us. We seem to be working on our exam on the ledge of the boat. I think there are only two others with me (one female- the one helping me). Ont know if the other one is male or female-unsure if female. Blur –Unsure if I am able to do the first part of the “TEST?”- I think I do- only the second part, I seek this girl beside me/ infront of me to assist me. Is she a classmate of mine? – not given.
THREE-ROOFED BOATHOUSES
JANUARY 25, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Recalled Portion Only – That I act like Robin Padilla – As if am abroad – shots of me are always – walking with my back on the camera – only my back walking like Robin P. –that I am a scriptwriter – hanging around with gay lovers – A scene, I say to myself, since I am ethnic looking, my ethnicity stands out – and foreign? men always choose me – Am a hit because of my ethnicity (brown color) – YET, STILL I FEEL I AM ROBIN PADILLA – tisoy? Still, they like my color – Next scenes, I always tag along the real Robin P. – always a part of his movies. A scene where both Robin and I are inside a store-like place – There’s a counter – A group of men with heavy guns attack me – thinking there’s only me in the place – Robin helps me out – He has de-boga guns (double-barrel?) We take cover behind a counter / window where there are lines, especially of people – and our enemies line-up with them – either behind the lines / last on the line or middle of the line – Robin would just fire his gun – Somehow, though I see the many round bullets not directly hitting the targets, it is as if they are always killed / subdued. The enemies fire back at us. A scene Robin and I walk together – I make lambing to him, requesting him to always make me his sparring partner or partner in the movie. I say, “Kahit extra lang” – I see myself lean, my head on his shoulder – left or infront of him (my back to him) – and I would walk around him – teasing him – to this request. I guess he agrees – One scene where he gets out of a room (we’re in a house) - AND I AM HIM – I AM ROBIN P. Another scene, a (still) picture that includes or just being together as a group – myself, Rustom Padilla, Carmina Villaroel and another – I guess Rustom is as himself now (openly gay?), even to Carmina? – Earlier scene, (first part?) where there are 2-3 gay men / bi-men who say they’ll fuck / butt-fuck me, now. Something I don’t exactly like /or enthusiastic to do (with them?). This one gay informs that he gets butt-fucked the other time and so it’s my turn to be so – Blur – Are these gays part of the movie crew? / staff? -unsure of this – A scene where I join Robin in firing a shot – holding the gun together with him / pulling the trigger with both our hands on the gun – Something like this –
JANUARY 27, 2005 – VOL. 24
-Hazy – I forget the start of this dream with Mila M – She comes – Blur – While we walk going toward where Bel is – My mind thinks – about how financially secure Mila already is – She must have properties (house and lot) – perhaps, a million in the bank – She’s a bit jolly - I think something about a love life which I suspect to be a lesbian relationship – a woman. I don’t think Mila would lend me millions / a million – or much less give me / help me. Nanay’s house – We enter / climb up to the 2nd floor / veranda type, open – sort of fast food outlet (Jollibee owned by PNB?) – There must be an open stairs where Mila and I climb up to reach the veranda type 2nd floor. There’d be Bel and others (?) (I can’t recall who are with Bel) – A small table typical of fast foods – I’d ask Mila to sit on my left side – Blur – Next scene, I find myself sleeping on a bed located on that site where the table is – Bel and the rest already leave. I search for my stuff, cell phone – I see other cell phones belonging to my friends (?) / group – I couldn’t find my cell – I carry 2 or 3 cell phones belonging to my group – almost falling from my arms. There’s a small drawer (closet) on the right side – I open it – search / look for my cell / stuffs – I go down from the veranda- type area and see Nick front of the right of way / Nanay’s house – and ask for my cell (?) – He points to Ody who has my cell / uses my cell. Ody wouldn’t just hand it to me, walks towards further front of Nanay’s house. I think I say, “Putang ina (?)” or Nick does upon seeing Ody doesn’t hand the phone to me. He follows Ody, gets the phone from him and gives it to me (Nick). I see my cell – seems like a gray transparent housing – small cell (looks new because of the housing) – though smaller than the cell I give him (3310) and the one I use now (Brian’s cell). I intend to go up Nanay’s house – by the gate, right of way. There are Georgie and Olan approaching – Olan carries a long metal bar (TAKTAK? -unsure of this). He seems ready to go to Bel’s property as he says, “It’s going to be demolished” / “For demolition already” – Georgie says something to Olan to remind him of what he tells him, earlier – something like, “Sabi sa ‘yo” (of what answer I’d give him) – Am already past the gate – I walk back toward Georgie and Olan and say, emphatically, to Olan, “HANGGANG SA HULING SANDALI, OLAN” – That all of us (flock) would wait till the last minute, facing the odds and uncertainties to prove our FAITH TO GOD – That He will help us – That we’ll wait up to the last second / minute for His help, even at the expense of our lives and properties – Olan drops the long bar he holds – Don’t know if before or after I say my piece – Upstairs, I see Kuya Obet, sort of, playing around / talking to one of his children (Mike?) – unsure of Mike. I don’t see him – I place my stuff (I think 2 Books of Prophecies – brown cover Book of Prophecies and another) – on top of something (dining area, back of the display cabinet – Sala) – I go to the kitchen – perhaps, to prepare some food / milk to drink. I ask for Nanay – “San ang Nanay?” I ask Obet 2x – A scene at the dining area coming from the kitchen, I see Roberto / Obet looking slim and young – I say, “Ang payat mo” (running my hand on his tummy) – “You look young”. Albert’s presence at the veranda area (?) felt – Am cautious / conscious not to be seen by the _____ staff running this Jollibee outlet (left side, counter area) – While I talk to Georgie and Olan, my stuffs are with me / I carry my stuffs (around my arms?) – Olan intends to go to Bel’s property with his taktak (?) – Earlier, I think of inviting Mila over to the talakay – or how to enjoin Mila to the talakay – Hearing what Olan says about “demolition”, OLD HOUSE CROSSES MY MIND – It’s as if – just a thought – IT’S ALREADY TORN DOWN? (not given as such – but a very faint thought – or fear it’s already torn down – or if it’s torn down – very unsure of this. There’s someone with me on the bed (lying down, sleeping, as well) – Can’t recall who that person is –
Trivia:
*Eat Bulaga (EB) comes up with a contest named “I-TAKTAK MO”
JANUARY 28, 2005 – VOL. 24
- Nanay’s front door – Old set-up. I am infront of the door – just inside the covered area – It seems Nolan is just behind the covered area, right of way. There’s a woman who arrives. I can’t recall who she is. She informs / tells me that Nolan “worships” / “nasamba” – as if Nolan knows / hears of this “group” and “worships” silently / secretly – Nolan is pensive – goes to the Old House – ground floor – just outside – infront of the 2 doors leading to the 2 rooms (ground floor – old set-up). Nolan turns on the light in the left room (without going in – The switch is perhaps, near the door). It seems he stays in the room next to it – right side. He comes back, near the covered area – Am angered by what I hear – that he “worships” – I tell him, “DO NOT PRAY TO HIM” (Jesus of 2 thousand years ago). Realizing “Jesus” is CHRIST, “too” – Realizing as well, I AM ALREADY HERE – I say, emphatically, to Nolan – “PRAY TO ME” – “Do not pray to Him (the old concept / idea of Jesus) but, PRAY TO ME” – while I converse with / reprimand Nolan, I seem to be fixing something in the plant box (covered area).
JANUARY 29, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Am seated on the edge of the bed, former room, Nanay’s house – Facing the door, head up to the ceiling / looking / staring at the ceiling ASKING GOD WHEN MY HEALING HANDS COME –
JANUARY 30, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Altar area, Old House – Nolan writes something for Nanay. It is given the resthouse is being / going to be negotiated for sale by Nanay – She has a buyer for it and she asks Nolan to do the papers for the sale (something like this). It enrages me. There are 2 other women in front of me (Nanay’s colleagues). I leave them with a threat that I will “punish” them (something like this) when the mission happens – I think I go to the kitchen – and as I do, I think of how much commission Nanay will get from the sale – Would I let go and allow her so she could get the commission? –
FEBRUARY 2, 2005 – VOL. 25
-On board a car, I AM JAY ILAGAN? or Jay Ilagan gives me clothes (several pieces). On the driver’s seat is an actress. I forget who she is - __?__ (I know earlier who she is) – Don’t know why Kuh Ledesma enters / is an option, but not – Is it Amy Austria? very unsure of Amy.
FEBRUARY 4, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Recalled Portion Only – A dream with Keannu Reeves in it – who, later, turns to Ben Affleck at the end of the dream – I forget the details of this dream – AS IF I AM KEANNU REEVES..
- I see myself with long hair- low/ mid/ back portion of my head (long back and trimmed crown area. I look at myself in the mirror (?) or I just see myself sporting this hairdo, wondering if my crown area and forehead area as well have thinning hair- but I think/ feel I have hair on these areas. Another scene where Nolan and Tim are with me- Long back hair and grown hair on the crown/ forehead areas. Am brushing my hair parted on the left side. I say (to myself) I look young with this hair- I think my hair is thick.
FEBRUARY 5, 2005 – VOL. 2005
- As if I am half- submerged in water (sea?) with Tim- As we look up to the sky, U.S. planes fly by – cant remember if planes have an exhibition (?) or so. This is a long dream as if we’re in the US? Details forgotten.
FEBRUARY 6, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Hazy / Bits and Pieces Only – In a 3rd (?) run theatre – there’s a group of men (3) that includes Piolo Pascual – One of these men, I seem to know / a gimmick? of mine – Blur – Next scene, I see Piolo lying on his chest on the topmost area of the balcony – lying on the floor (no seats, topmost area). I see Piolo’s lower mid-back (waist area) has 2 moles – There’s Nanay with us – Piolo turns around- Now, he lies on his back. I guess his polo? shirt is open – I see and pinch / grab both sides of his tummy (some flabs) saying, “Ang taba mo” (?) – I feel a bit proud knowing Piolo (as regards Nanay). The friend / gimmick guy that I know comes around – sort of lies on my lap (?) / on the floor – I show him / introduce him to Nanay. I say, “Guwapo rin siya, ‘di ba?” I never get to see the 3rd guy. Piolo and I go out / go to another area (window? / fence- like area) and sit there. Piolo is talking to someone on the cell phone. I ask him what his sked is tomorrow, as I intend to have / take him to show Gam, Tim and Nolan- a picture of these 3 guys – Piolo in particular (picture with him and me). He says he has a sked tomorrow – Perhaps another day. There’s a woman who hangs my white turban (the one I use in talakay) infront of us (right side of the fence?). I show this / point to the hanky, informing Piolo that it’s my head piece. Earlier, before we get to this area, I see a woman talking (lower level of the balcony) to another – perhaps asking where Piolo is – She climbs up to where we are. For a while, I’d presume she’s just going to exit – Am about to inform her, “There’s no exit here” – But she speaks to Piolo about something – (his skeds perhaps). At the fence area, while he’s on the phone, I look at Piolo, intently – visualizing how he does the scenes with Judy Ann Santos in movies. Staring at his lips, I think I see a white hair in his nose – It occurs to me how I must look like in the picture, considering they’re young and I am old – perhaps, I could wear some clear eyeglasses to camouflage my age? It worries me, too, if I bring him over to my room (?) / rented condo (?) / apartment room? (with Nolan and Tim). He’s supposed to be well-off now – My room is just ordinary – something like this. Am aware of his star status – I DO NOT MENTION THE MISSION, _________house (or consider taking him there). Conscious afterthoughts- I think I could also remember? / recognize the gimmick’s face, just as I would Niño’s legal “wife”? -unsure if I really would. In the dream, I say to myself, I will show Tim and Nolan where this 3rd run theatre is – Who would think that Piolo goes to this theatre and does this ____________–
“At night, when men are asleep, God speaks to them in DREAMS and VISIONS……” Job 33:15-16
FEBRUARY 7, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Hazy – I hear myself say, “I WILL DESTROY THE WORLD WITH A TUNING FORK!” -unsure if this is a thought or VISION or a Dream?
TRIVIA:
The onslaught of natural calamities all over the world, typhoons, floodings, rotating earthquakes, global warming, solar storm are but the beginning of God’s wrath on man.
FEBRUARY 13, 2005 – VOL. 25
-First part of this dream I forget – Hazy – Heaven (my partner’s nephew) sits on a reclined position watching TV – Beatles song is being played. Am behind Heaven singing along, though some of the lyrics I forget “I (?) / We have to admit it’s getting better – It’s getting better all the time” (Don’t know if the words “DREAMS ARE GETTING BETTER ALL THE TIME”) – or it’s just a thought – It seems Heaven sings along? There’s a little boy holding a small paper money and basketball card game who approaches us / Heaven – Heaven urges him to play – I forget their conversation – The boy is with the mother who’s just a few feet away. I see two women – Don’t know who’s the real mother – There’s a woman who comes near us – I guess she’s the mother – Another scene shows Heaven standing and the other woman knelt before him. Heaven is wearing sando and his very thin frame is seen. I don’t know if we’re outside (on the street, or in a mall – hallway). This woman knelt before Heaven says something about this foreign (?) group who owns this commercial establishment (?) (unsure of this) – “They are the ones firing people” says she. Suffice to say, we shouldn’t patronize them? (not said – This is just the thought of her advice) – Hazy – A scene when Heaven urges the little boy to play – I tell this boy, “Uwi ka na” – not sure if we’re just infront of our __________house – one of the streets in ___________– and these people we meet are co-villagers –
FEBRUARY 17, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Something about Michael Jackson – that he really does something nasty – and that HE HAS A WAY OF ESCAPING FROM THE PROBLEM HE CREATES – ZOOMS UP TO THE SKY AND SORT OF ERASES HIS “SINS” (not the exact word given) – AS IF IT IS I WHO ZOOM UP TO THE SKY? Or is it MJ? -unsure who – The nasty things Michael Jackson does smudge / stain the tummy part of his outfit –
EAB’s Sleeptalk, Feb. 19, 2005- Vol. 25
“Ang measurement…yan ang measurement!”
FEBRUARY 21, 2005 – VOL. 25
- At a table, Nanay (seated) sings a song with lyrics- “DARATING/ PAGDATING NG ARAW (X’MAS?) TATAKBO RIN TAYO” (reffering to herself and Cathywho’s a few feet from her.
FEBRUARY 23, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Blur – A man? / Something who can swiftly fly jump from one tall tree to another place. He / it can imitate other things – take its shape and form – Several men (?) in pursuit? – I hear someone say 2 things on how to capture him / it – when he’s / it’s as straight as a rod (silver? looking rod) or when he’s / it’s __?__– I forget the 2nd one. A scene I see one man climbing up a not so high wall with steel / grills – The INVINCIBLE MAN coils himself round this man’s arms – His comrades (police?) / one of his comrades says, “The Sheriff is caught” (something like this) – It seems this Sheriff is doomed in his state, IS THE INVINCIBLE MAN ME ? -unsure of this.
TRIVIA:
Hayden Christiansen the “JUMPER”
FEBRUARY 24, 2005 – VOL. 25
- An initial thing is done to my penis’ skin (neck side) as part of circumcision. A second, sort of, circumcision procedure is yet to be done. Nanay’s with me. I ask her about a certain physician whose clinic is located infront of Nanay’s house (?) I ask the physician’s gender- a woman/ lady physician. I guess I hesitate at first but I guess it’s okay. Recalling if it’ll would be painfull or if the recovery period will be that long. I guess my penis will look better? – or so I think
- An initial thing is done to my penis’ skin (neck side) as part of circumcision. A second, sort of, circumcision procedure is yet to be done. Nanay’s with me. I ask her about a certain physician whose clinic is located infront of Nanay’s house (?) I ask the physician’s gender- a woman/ lady physician. I guess I hesitate at first but I guess it’s okay. Recalling if it’ll would be painfull or if the recovery period will be that long. I guess my penis will look better? – or so I think
Passage Genesis 17:24: 24And Abraham was ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin. |
- Hazy- My hair long and with some curls/ waves on the edges- as if a wig (but not). I put my long hair on a bust-like mannequin head to check on it. I see it’s quite thick- Tim and Cathy with me. To sport this type of hair would make me feel good or a bit hip/ desirable despite my age? A scene I walk on a street-enter a not- so- strict subdivision area- sporting this long hair- MY REAL HAIR long and thick- something new to me- hair length reaches up to my shoulders.
FEBRUARY 27, 2005 – VOL. 25
- I don’t remember how this dream begins – I pick-up a very gay “gay” (“girl”) and bring “her” to my place / room (unsure if it’s Nanay’s house?). “She” takes a bath in the CR (not the actual site in Nanay’s bedroom). Earlier, I think, before leaving my place / room, I see 3 pieces of beautiful rings (colored diamond rings) on the side table of a bed – Am aghast to find they are gone – I panic – Suspecting the “girl” steals the rings, I search the bed, lifting it up. I presume Mike V. (?) accidentally throws them away as he fixes? the bed? – I go near the CR door and ask the “girl” if “she” finds / gets / steals the 3 rings – She, of course, denies it – Still looking in another area of the room, I tell the “girl” that if it were “she” who owns the rings and I am “her” visitor, she’d do the same – Suspect me, too – I go out of the room – Head for another room where Nick is – (looks like my former room, Nanay’s house? -unsure of this). I sort of ask Nick’s help in interrogating / forcing this “girl” to admit she does steal the rings. Nick seems unperturbed – I go back to the room – Still panicky – wondering if I put the rings in my attaché case – But, then again, I realize I don’t have my attaché case here – I go to the other area of the room – There’s a narrower bed near the bigger bed – that, perhaps, Mike (?) uses – On the floor, near the narrower / smaller bed, I see the 3 different (?) colored rings – And find another ring (4th ring). I pick them up and bring them to the closet – There’s a drawer inside the closet – I put them there – along with a watch (?) (unsure of the watch) – Promising myself never to lose sight on them / guard those rings in the drawer because of this (“girl”) gimmick who I pick-up – I fear Nolan arrives and find “her” still here – Am to make out with this gimmick – ONE OF THE COLORED DIAMONDS IS A BLUE DIAMOND (?) –
MARCH 2, 2005 – VOL. 25
- Blur- Two (2) merits – written by me?- that am about to put in two separate forms. Nolan is present-
MARCH 4, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Start of this dream, I forget – About Nanay’s resentments over the property losses? She’s airing her resentments? A scene where a radio on top of a tall shelf (?) / closet suddenly elicits a sound – It’s on – sounds like a soap opera / radio drama – One voice monologue – then, another voice which says this – “SUNDIN MO ANG TIBOK / ANG SINASABI NG IYONG PUSO” – It seems like A VOICE FROM ABOVE – consoling me, as the prior scene / scene that precedes this, is plagued with much pain and resentment coming from Nanay ? / over property losses – Earlier, I’d say to Nanay, - “I DID IT ALL FOR GOD” (in Tagalog) – my statement of defense to her bickerings.
MARCH 5, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Hazy – There’s a man who, sort of, confronts me / us (my family?) regarding our inability to pay our debts. – We seem to be at the back (coming from Nick’s garage unto the right of way, going out – to Rizal Street) - though the garage area or area where Nanay’s house is erected seems synonymous to a structure torn down – (not given as such, but feels like). Hazy – I see myself sweeping the ground (right of way) using a walis ting-ting – not sure if there’s water on the ground – sweeping dirt (?) / top layer of the soil – sweeping water with the top layer dirt (dust?) to the center of the area – from spot fronting the garage to the entrance area of the right of way coming from Rizal street – Nanay / Susan Roces helps out – SUSAN ROCES IS MY MOTHER. I, now, go to the wooden stairs area – located at the very edge of the old set-up – entrance area (see sketch). I wash the dirt / tiny soil particles / dust particles on each stair step – starting from the bottom stair step (as you climb up) – Susan Roces helps out – She’s a few steps higher than me. We clean the stair steps with water and walis ting-ting – Cleaning every step from the bottom stair, going up. For awhile, I think that we should start from the topmost stair step, descending not ascending, as the dirt we wash coming from the higher step, pours down the already cleaned lower stairstep – and as such, we still have to wash off the dirt that runs down the lower steps. There’s a faucet on the right side, bottom of the stairs. – Susan, my mother, helps me out – hands me a tabo of water coming from the faucet. She goes to the right of way. Earlier, as I start cleaning the stairs, I see Olan helping out? – I tell him to sweep all the dirt toward the center / gather the dirt toward the center. While we do all these cleanings, I take pity on us – as the neighbors see what we’re doing – poor folks, not being able to pay our debts – It seems we lose this house? yet, clean it up? – something like this. Though the position of the stairs as opposed to the actual stair position and location seems like the normal position / location – as we walk towards the stair to start cleaning it. Earlier, it is given that MY LOVE AFFAIR IS SIMILAR / CAN BE LIKENED TO THAT OF MY PARENTS’ – SUSAN AND HER HUSBAND – FPJ? (now dead) – There’s music playing as I begin cleaning the bottom stair step – or so it seems – sounding like, “Kapantay ay Langit” – the part that’s sort of sung / played is, “PAG-IBIG KO, KAPANTAY AY LANGIT, Sinta – Hindi magbabago, kalian pa man”. Am sad, feeling the feeling I feel – Blur – A scene (infront of the garage, right of way) – where it seems to be given that am to build a building somewhere – and the man who, sort of, belittles us asks (sarcastically?) where we shall build our building. I say, intriguingly, “You will know it” / “You will know about it”.
- Am in an office- naked while my co- employees/ co-worbers are all dressed in office attires- I wonder if I’ll get cold for not wearing anything- but I guess I don’t. Infront of me/l ooking to my left, other side are my co- workers? While the window infront of us is wide open- Hazy
MARCH 5, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Old House? dining area window (facing Nick’s garage). It’s as if there’s a room behind me (am seated facing the garage by the window pane along with Lucky,Yi’s son). This room Lucky utilizes – as if he sleeps there. He is to report to me – his dream? -unsure of this – Something written on a notebook which I have a chance to glimpse on – The flock / some of them, at least, are in the kitchen area, chatting – Lucky starts reporting what is written on the notebook – I listen, at first, to his report that seems to be as written on the notebook. Later, it seems what he says are his own (he doesn’t read directly from the notebook). I forget what he reports – I know what he says are beautiful. There seems to be someone else with us. A guy who sort of doubts? / questions what he says – Lucky answers / says he doesn’t / can’t invent what he reports. I sort of agree. An interruption – some noise from Burgos Street? which we can hear/ see from where we are thru the window? Lucky’s friends on board a car. Seeing / hearing them, as if on a cue, Lucky goes to the disclosure window with my cell phone, lets my cell fall to the “ground” - no longer such, but a river-like / canal- like body of water – Lucky has this remote? control – directing the cell to sail like a toy boat / motorized of sort – runs towards the river / canal wall. Upon hitting the canal wall, Lucky, through the remote? makes the cell climb up to where we are – At first, it sails back to us and then, climbs up the wall of the Old House? unto Lucky’s hands, gives it back to me. I see my cell having some protrusions / pimple-like designs on the left side of the cell – looks like a new cell (?) - unsure of this. – LA’s presence felt watching what Lucky does. I comment, earlier - “What if the battery is low? It can’t climb back to us” – something like this. Tim comments, “Tinanggal na ang nguso (ng cell)” (so it’s easier to climb up) – something like this. As if Lucky attaches / disattaches something from the upper end of the cell before giving it to me. Back to the window pane – Lucky reports / continues reporting. I notice Lucky has long hair – up to the neck only / ears only – He looks different – still a handsome boy – but looking like somebody else. There are some people at the altar area – young people. There’s a particular girl who comes in, positions herself infront of Eric’s room. There seems to be something posted there that this girl stares at – Amazed, though it bothers me – She comments something like she, sort of, believes in what she sees / stares at – She’s a bit annoying. There’s a banner that hangs on the spot / wall where the Resurrected Image of Jesus is once placed – I see this banner, earlier – Can’t / Do not really see what’s written on the banner. Lucky continues – He mentions about Nolan already teaching / a professor of sort – Nolan who stands a bit distant from us – seems like on a street /or the altar area (?) - not sure which – And I sort of agree to what Lucky says, “Yes, he can be a professor now /or teach now (in school?)” . Lucky continues – He mentions something about his experience? / dream saying, “Sabi ni Jesus – BAKIT AKO NABUHAY?” – “Natakot ako”, says Lucky – Or, “Kinilabutan” in the room where he sleeps. I call his attention to my observation that what he says is different from what is written on the notebook /or perhaps, not written in the notebook – He repeats what he claims earlier – that he doesn’t / can’t invent what he reports / says – I sort of nod / agree to what he says – Lucky’s friends says it’s okay for him to do his “thing” / go do their agreed plan / game of sorts and so Lucky goes to the disclosure window – unsure if Nolan is present during the first time Lucky reports, or during the 2nd time – More on the first time – He sort of listens to Lucky’s report –
MARCH 8, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Recalled Portions Only – I am taken in / recruited to take the lead part in a theatre musical as “Jesus Christ”. It is given, I am a neophyte / new comer in this arena – performing with such artists of caliber – A scene I say to someone (?) that I wish it were / is a movie instead of a play – I get to sing here – as if it’s “Jesus Christ Superstar” – But little do they know – I’d do it / play the role as I am (the real “J.C.”) – EVERY SCENE WILL BE “A RE-CREATION / RE-ENACTMENT” BY THE ONE WHO TRULY IS JESUS – Am just worried about my voice – if it gets hoarse in the middle of the performance – or do I really know in memory / by heart every line in every song – Would there be an idiot board? or something where one gets to read the lyrics of the song, so I could just follow ? I hesitate at first – Yet, I know I’d let them hear the best of my voice – Another scene where I prepare myself for the show – shower room – (CR). There are several small cubicles where your head can be seen by the other CR users – The separating walls are not so tall – I put my stuff (songs and all) in one particular cubicle – several guys comes in – one uses my cubicle. After him, another guy gets in, uses my soap. This pisses me off – I sort of give this guy a mouthful – telling him that he doesn’t even ask me that he’s to use my soap – something like this. Earlier, with only myself in the CR, at the door, I’d put 2 pairs of slippers outside. I reposition my other pair of slippers where the heel sides (of the slippers) would not be seen as they are worn out (pudpod). When some of the guys come in, I see their stuffs are nice / expensive stuffs compared to mine – It is the night of the performance – It sort of makes me panic – as if there are rehearsals whatsoever – A scene I practice (?) / sing out some of the lines of a particular song – “Ah, such majesty this show must be” I say to myself /or so I think – I may not reach some of the high notes? The other performers surely do not know me – I feel proud to be chosen / picked to play JC part – eager to tell this to someone (Gam?) - not sure of this. Opening scene? /or do I just see a scene where there’s supposed to be a wedding and this High Priest (wearing a head dress) runs / elopes (?) with a woman – Carmi Martin (one of the performers) – Carmi sings her piece – Am very familiar with the song (as well as the one I sort of rehearse / sing alone) – as if to practice. Nolan is with me – Perhaps, it is he who I tell proudly that I am taken in as JC – Odd thing he does – He tinkers with the decor (a tied knot) on top of the vehicle- type? (arch- type structure) / carosa- type structure where the High Priest and Carmi ride / get in – Nolan uses his feet / foot tinkering with it – I call his attention to it – Driving to get to the play venue with Nolan – on a street (residential street) – I see a particular house blocking the entrance to the Araneta Coliseum where the play is set to be held. I say to Nolan, Araneta would buy that property to widen their space – or perhaps, for Araneta Center to convert into a parking lot – I can see the Araneta Center from the road – behind the house – LITTLE DO THE ENTIRE CAST AND THE AUDIENCE KNOW THAT THE ONE PLAYING THE LEAD PART IS THE REAL JESUS THIS TIME – something like this – and I’d play it as “I AM” – I say to myself I’d modulate my voice – perhaps, someone in the cast would suggest I take something hot? to drink – to preserve my voice for the succeeding songs? – The High Priest is supposed to be close to me / my mentor? of sort –
“Nolan, nasaan ang aking PAPEL”
MARCH 10, 2005 – VOL. 25
- Hazy – Bits and Pieces Only – Highway – top of the underpass – I am with my children? Minnie B. and others (can’t remember who). I AM TO TAKE THEM FLYING USING A SMALL BALLOON – Strapped and already afloat, am still sort of fixing / tying the mouthpiece of the balloon (like a welcoming party balloon) – Hazy – Someone asks me if I know how to fly /or take some people with me – as I am already afloat about 4-5 feet above the ground / road, I sort of move / fly myself further – off the top of the underpass – hanging afloat with the underpass below me. Can’t remember what stalls me – Another scene, where I realize I can’t use the balloon anymore, as it deflates slowly (hole in it) – Seems we’re in my house / a house now – Minnie is seated – Cathy somewhere in the house – I forget what she does – I see her – I tell Minnie the balloon can’t carry much of us – as we’re heavy for a single balloon to carry – Balloon has some print on it – I notice /or Minnie tells me of her ailment – ulcer – that she’s taking something? /or consults a doctor? -not sure which. I WISH I COULD TOUCH HER TUMMY – Next scene, I see her on the cover of a magazine – Her face lightened up, smiling – English writing describing her MIRACULOUS HEALING – half on the front cover of the magazine talks of her HEALING plus her picture – The other half, some pictures of her again, telling of her pursuit of a nursing career / she practices nursing /or works as a nurse – something like this. I ASK MYSELF IF IT IS I WHO HEAL HER – I am happy for her. Magazine article / cover also says Minnie follows this group (Christian group) – my group? – I feel it is such. – That I have a camper (?) van? /or a small room? which has a small kitchenette / lavatory. Olan comes in, goes to the kitchenette, sees a pitcher (?), drinks from it, gargles and spits it out into the pitcher (During the healing with Minnie?) –
MARCH 12, 2005 – VOL. 25
- Recalled Portion Only – Supposedly out as a group – Bel, Gie, LC, Victor Neri and I – don’t know where we go – Bel and Gie separate from us (I don’t see them go). They are to join a cooking contest – LC, Victor and I are together. – LC is to separate from us, as she is to have a haircut – Victor and I are to be together – LC says that Victor already knows about my preference (gender) and that “he’s okay” / it’s okay with him. Lc sends us off to what seems like a theatre. Victor is very sweet / concerned about me – as he guides me where to go sit – On my mind, while we walk toward our seats, it occurs to me that I can’t possibly “do” it with him as I AM MESSIAH /or that he knows I AM. Left side / middle row?, we are to take our seats – though the “seats” aren’t really chairs, but we are to sit on the ground – There are small mounds of soil around us – This place is being constructed still / there’s construction going on – There are people? around us, too. There’s some sort of “wire” around the area where we sit – wire as if a marker of sort – A guide where to sit. I keep looking behind us – searching for LC– maybe for LC to find out where we are seated? I excuse myself from Victor, as I am to look for LC or go where she’s having her haircut – Can’t find her – Next scene, I am talking to Bel (on the phone? or in person – unsure which) – She informs me about the cooking contest – The stuffs they prepare and cook (I forget the stuffs / ingredients – something white) “Nagustuhan naman ng __?__ (place)”. When I talk / ask Gie, I think she says “It’s Gulubong”? (not sure of Gulubong). I see Gie, so I guess, I talk to them in person? I tell them where LC is having her haircut – “Sa Magallanes, P300? / haircut dun” – We are all surprised and amazed. Behind / at the back of Magallanes is where Victor and I see this “movie”? (I do not see the screen, though Victor looks at the direction of the screen) – A scene where Victor and I are in our (?) house. Attached to the ceiling of a room /or a bed? are some metal stuffs for exercise. Victor holds / finds this exercise gadget and attaches it on the ceiling. He is to try it himself (sort of a “baras”? -unsure of this). Nick, sort of- meddles with him – He tries to do an exercise (baras also) at the very same time Victor would try it – and so he can’t do it well with Nick’s interruption / trying to join in – which isn’t possible since the gadget can be used by a single person at a time. Nice exercise gadget on the ceiling – I have this controlled attraction to Victor (subtle).
MARCH 14, 2005 – VOL. 25
- Hazy- About the tubes/ some tubes in my body. Bel says -“Okay na”/ “Pwede na”- no need for replacement- not said this way but something like this-
MARCH 15, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Hazy – That I (?) am seeking help from DARNA? Her face, left side, mine, right side – 
*June 13 – Purita’s Birthday (Bearer’s sister)
*June 29 – Nanay’s Birthday (Bearer’s mother)MARCH 17, 2005 – VOL. 25
- Hazy- There are many of us- each representing a letter from the alphabet (?) – We’re dressed in costumes (?)/ uniform like a Roman- white short shirt- don’t know the upper wear. We’re on top of a counter- like structure with cushion. Our leader/ head – an aging man, lies on the cushion while all of us are standing up- He’s lying on the left side of the counter- circular counter? – I transfer to the other side of the counter – under? the leader. He stops me and asks one of our members- if I exercise would I really be younger looking? This member confirms it and that he may achieve this physical change but not this certain woman- but he says she’s what he has in mind. Earlier, I start singing, toyingly, ABCD song. I represent the letter “F”.
* “F”- Faith?
-There’s a scene where I change outfit – A black sleeveless shirt and pants? I go to a mirror and look at myself – It occurs to me, with reference to myself: – Here comes a great looking guy – and I do look like the cute guys around – I DO LOOK YOUNG? Next scene, I am being harassed by this gay to follow him somewhere where he’d sex me up – I pretend I’d follow him – As soon as I see an exit door, I flee – Go straight to Nanay’s house – Am hiding – Old House area (though not seen) infront of Nanay’s room – calling out for someone to open the door – as I fear this gay guy follows me –
-A variety show at the ABS-CBN? that Vic Sotto joins in during his earlier days in showbiz – He’s just one of the many stars in the show. They are to do a game – Instructions are given as they are all lined-up on stage. Vic is still young – They are to enter some cubicles - makeshift hiding places of sort. Earlier, there’s this gay staff who’s so in lust with me – Am still young, as well. As I watch the on going show, the gay comes to me and asks / persuades / insists I go downstairs / somewhere quiet / isolated – I follow what he says – I know he just intends to sex me up. With this in mind, it sort of tickles me – that he’s to suck me – reminiscent of my young libidous days. But, I need to pee first. Entering one of the makeshift cubicles and trying to lock it, but couldn’t, I pee. This gay guy enters the cubicle – I say I need to pee first / am peeing. Still he insists, bows his head and allows his head to be drenched with my urine and so I let him shower with my urine. Joey de Leon appears in the scene, walks outside and sees what we’re doing. He wiggles his head (shrugs) a bit and says a little tirade against me / something like, “Ikaw talaga” /or “Ano ba ‘yan” – I retort back saying, “Siya kasi” / “Siya, eh” and follow him as he is going back to the taping site –
TRIVIA:
Current gay pornos feature urinating on sex partners and drinking their urine as part of the act.
MARCH 18, 2005 – VOL. 25
- THOUGHT? or DREAM? – Am down on the (Old House) floor – unsure what particular area – dining ? Am touching the floor –OVERWHELMED by the reality that I AM BACK IN THE OLD HOUSE and vice-versa – There’s A FLASH OF LIGHT as if at the sway and point of a magical wand. MY WISH TO RECOVER THE OLD HOUSE IS GRANTED. Tears of joy well up my eyes – crying / wailing to a point – HAPPINESS OVERCOMES ME – I wake? up almost wailing / almost crying. Unsure if this is a dream or a psychologically / subconsciously influenced by the “Jay de Lara dream” – COULDN’T BELIEVE THE PROPERTY IS BACK – Wanting to run around (inside) the house – every corner of the Old House – Feeling it once again – this time, for good. My incessant crying is synonymous to the SLEEPTALK where I cry TEARS OF JOY – “45-46 BLESSINGS”.
*Old House- seized and wantonly demolished by the bank. To date, still possessed by the bank.
MARCH 20, 2005 – VOL. 25
-I am on the upper (3rd floor?) floor of Nanay’s house – Nanay? informs me of some visitors (girls, students). Am still in bed – I hurry to go down, secretly, without the girls seeing me. I think I go to the looban (?) where I clean up my face with facial cleanser (a la Eskinol). I am with someone / 2-3 people seeing what I do (Don’t know who they are – Nolan is one of them?). My face gets a white (paint-like stain) “mask” because of this lotion – I think of washing it with water? – Yet, a somewhat “reddish” mark / stain on the left temple doesn’t get washed off with water – I guess it does get removed? – As I secretly, again, go back to the house – I don’t know where the guests are – Finding Daddy and Nanay on the 2nd floor, sala area. Daddy sort of prepares the sala area – He puts an extra sofa, positioning it facing the other sala set (leaning against the shelf / divider between the dining and sala areas). He thinks of removing it, but I suggest that it stays for the interview with the girls. Daddy says, “Where they (Daddy and Nanay?) could sit on”. I, now, intend to go up to the 3rd floor / attic? and I wonder where the stairway is, leading to it – And it would be a ceiling manhole located at the inner portion of the aisle area, right side, top of the stairs – Someway, I get to talk to these girls – On the phone? – Where they ask if it’s true that I am a schoolmate of theirs – which they couldn’t believe – That the author of 2 (?) famous “articles”? goes to the very same school they go to – On my mind, or do I inform them, as well? -unsure of this – that the MESSIAH, other than / aside from the famous articles / author they admire, goes to this school, as well. I seem to see a book? with the line “What’s in a name but __?__. I forget the rest –
-_________ – Am driving a car that looks nice inside – It is a “newer” car that I buy – I sell the other car (Honda? my old Honda) – This car is slightly more expensive than the other – A scene I am walking to get to the car – backside – I see the trunk of the car – looks like a Honda car (color of my former Honda car). It is given I still have the Mazda. Am now driving to the place / house where the flock is – A 2 story wooden? modest house – Looks unfamiliar. Inside the house, I plan to buy some food – Merly suggests to buy in _______? – I take Nolan with me – suggesting to him to take Grace with us. A scene we are by the stairs – already with OKOY? – Medium bilao-sized okoy? 2-3 pieces fall on the floor. I pick one – It doesn’t get out of form and bring it upstairs – Tanya Gomez comes down and picks up one, too. Am surprised Tanya attends the talakay – though she looks pensive / pissed? Another person (a handsome male) picks up one more okoy on the floor – brings it upstairs – Is it my birthday? Earlier, seeing myself – I look well-dressed – driving my car – I seem to look like my former self – maporma? Nolan says Grace returns the puppy to the “munisipyo”? – Nolan uses the dust pan in getting the okoy – I call his attention regarding this – that it may have some dog shit –
MARCH 23, 2005 – VOL. 25
-Hazy – I see 2 Molato children (girl and boy) biking? or walking? on the street – I think I /or just am informed / I inform Nolan? the African? Americans? are preparing their Christmas – or, is it South? African Americans? - unsure which – Then, a Christmas song is played – And I sort of hurry someone to replace the first song on the tape with another Christmas song – AS IF ONE CHRISTMAS ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS BY REPLACING THE FIRST CHRISTMAS SONG IN THE TAPE? WITH ANOTHER CHRISTMAS SONG – something like this – The young boy’s face is riddled with some pimples.
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