NOVEMBER 14, 2003 – VOL. 16
-A scene where I show Nitz (?) who becomes Purita, my pictures published (?) in a magazine / newspaper (?) – One with hair on top / crew cut / am younger / handsome – The other my current appearance. Nitz / Purita seems unaffected. I know she buys the magazine. Am excited seeing my pictures. – It is given there’s another article / item inside about me.
NOVEMBER 19, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Am with a man (opponent?) informing me about the deadly wires / threads planted by a woman (?) – If I jump up to reach these wires, either my head or any part of my body, gets cut off or something – It worries me when I jump / fly up – The wires are just below the roof – Hazy / Weird – Is it my mother (?) who installs this deadly wire trap? Unsure of this – just a mother figure –
NOVEMBER 21, 2003 – VOL. 17
TRIVIA:
November 21, 2003- “THE GIFT OF GOD” File/ booklet sent to different people especially the media.
NOVEMBER 25, 2003 – VOL. 17
- I just hear “myself” answering questions . Instead of seeing people/ characters in my dream, I just hear “me” explaining some things- several times.
NOVEMBER 26, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Waking up on a bed, modest room and finding Purita standing beside my bed. It seems she looks after me – since I Sleeptalk and she gets the Sleeptalk – She conceals this from me for a while. She asks instead – “May isang taon (1 year) ka ng nagla-Lasix?” I collect my thoughts – I say, “No. Why?” I, repeatedly, ask her – As if I suspect that if I do (use in a year), I’d be hospitalized or something – I don’t know if Purita is putting on her pants or removing her pants / pajama (?) – She hands me a piece of paper – where she writes down the Sleeptalk – I read it / I forget the exact lines / statements. It is given I remember that, “I do make a Sleeptalk” and soon I wake up uttering them – The thought of the Sleeptalk written on the paper – THE SKY WILL TURN DARK / DARK CLOUDS – A VERY STRONG TYPHOON LIKE A TEMPEST AND THERE’D BE FLOODS ALL OVER. At ito ang “HUDYAT NG LANGIT” / DIYOS – The Hudyat ng Langit / Diyos exact statement on the paper. I stand up – and see Nanay and Daddy. Nanay is in the small kitchen of this modest house – as if cooking something – Daddy takes the small cauldron of rice. He asks me to take the rice off the bottom of this cauldron – I think he is to close the cauldron. Hazy. Nanay messes up with us – Daddy takes the cover of the cauldron and places / pours the small amount of rice from the cauldron on the cover. I tell Nanay first of this SIGN / SLEEPTALK – She is nonchalant about my revelation – and so is Daddy. It’s nothing “unusual”? Everything to them is like, “Let’s go on with our lives” attitude – I SEE THE SKY DARKEN AND THE FLOODS THREATENING – DARK CLOUDS.
NOVEMBER 28, 2003 – VOL. 17
-THREE (3) ME HAVING LONG HAIR – A LA F4 – ONE ON THE LEFT, A BIT SHORTER – ALL 3 WELL DRESSED – I TELL THIS TO NOLAN IN ONE SCENE.
*3 EAB’s
DECEMBER 6, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Hazy – (afternoon dream) – Something about an actor – young actor that I will respond to (?) / send a letter of info (GIFT OF GOD?) / response to – I have 2 big brown envelops. I think of mailing them today (Saturday, Nov. 6) – will try to make it to the Post Office – It may still be open till 3 pm – about 3 pm already – I rush things – A scene where there’s a gay reporter (?) talking? to Tim – There’s a table where I put these envelops on – I put the letter (?) – in one envelop. I see some xerox copies in the other envelop – I will include them (Xerox copies) (about 2?) in the envelop for the actor – Tim mentions the gay reporter might see what I’m doing and would find out it is I sending all these Gift of God books and so I try to hurry things up, take my stuffs from the table – Earlier, this gay reporter would talk about the same actor. – Earlier still, I am to watch a movie – decide to try to mail the letters and catch the Post Office.
-A scene where I tell Mel to “pacify” her neighbor in Bicol – There seems to be a commotion (?) of sort and I fear they’d shake Mel’s roof. When I do try to shake the roof – it seems strong. On my mind, maybe there’s really no one “clamoring” about the GOG (Gift of God) book – I tell Mel to just talk to her sister and let her do the talking – Something like this.
DECEMBER 14, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Am inside a church – (____________?) – There’s a mass being officiated – Am seated at the side / right wing (?) of the church staring at frames – The usual golden painted frames of religious topics / maybe verses – and some LAST SUPPER? frames – A wall with several frames – One of the frames is in disarray – Infront of my seat / row is a counter where there are young priests – all staring (?) at me. I suspect that perhaps, Chito is among these young priests – but he’s not there? – Am clutching / embracing a “something”? / bag? while seated. I stand up to leave. There’s a boy wearing “bahag” who comes in – And another boy who is to go out notices his attire – His dick almost showing. I get enthused by him. The boy who notices the bahag- clad boy notices me, as well – There’s a card I hold with something printed on it – It comes from Purita? – Something that I claim with the card – I go over to the counter – I claim it – TOMB-KEY COVER / TOMB COVER something – It sort of feels odd to have a tomb key (?) cover / tomb cover key (?) – The man behind the counter gives me the tomb key cover – something with wings (?) – Like an Egyptian relic (?). Don’t know if I get it – It seems I can get several pieces / claim several pieces of it – A scene where I get back to fetch Daddy who’s betting on the lotto – with only 2 numbers? He’s seated inside a small / narrow cordoned area (?). He already wins the number 42 and he’s waiting for the 2nd number which begins with 4_?_. I urge him to come with me – He gets inside the car – And another one, male relative of mine – Ray? My car, a new (?) one – or something that is not old – is loaded up with my bike. My bike doesn’t have the usual left and right handle, but a straight tube where I put both my hands on. Am driving on Rizal street. I see to my right (Pajutan side), a girl talking to a man (I know but I forget who). To my right side / other side of the road / street, I see Santi seated, fiddling with something – He seems lonely, still poor? I say he’s my crush – After him in another house, I see a man seated on a narrow seater adorned with something – Christmas decors? – Perhaps this man is a bit moneyed in comparison to Santi (though not pitted against each other (such mentioned). I am to make a U-turn – but I don’t because of the center island – The narrow opening would miscalculate my U-turn. I choose to move further and make the turn the next path with a wider angle – Am going to Nanay’s house? I think of buying viands for Daddy to eat (?) – This dream begins with me looking at an almost vacated apartment-looking place – Am scared at the place (Ghosts?). I see a woman washing up on a lavatory – It seems this place is once a living quarters for whores (?) / people of ill-repute – but it is beside a church – A scene I tell Gam am to live there / we are to live there (with companions / friends). It seems, now being under a church / the church – On the way home biking, it occurs to me some of my relatives / people who know me would “pity me” for losing 2 cars (?) / properties (?) – Yet, having this bike and the nice car I carry on my bike would somehow dose off such pity – Maybe I return the tomb key cover (?) Unsure – The card (claim card) is a shiny / glazed card (like a playing card) – I see 2 hands on the tubular / straight / somehow greased tube handle – The boy with G-strings – when I see him behind, he wears the usual pants / long pants seeing his back – perhaps, a shirt, too – Only G-strings upfront.
DECEMBER 17, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Nanay’s house – Second floor, sala area – near the divider / on the divider. My kids watch TV. I come – Oliver is in the house – I watch, too. It’s Aga muhlach and Zsa zsa Padilla walking in the park (Baguio). Aga with a camera – taking shots – kneels – his slim pockets on both sides of the chest have something in them, perhaps films (?) / or stuffs for taking pictures – Another scene in another area in Baguio – outside a convenient store (?) / gas station? – Place is very nice / clean / vivid color or so it seems to be the very picturesque Baguio – Another scene as the couple crosses the road, Aga throws away some stuffs. As these stuffs fall on the street, I SEE THEY ARE LONG, BEAUTIFUL TRUMPETS. I sigh in gladness. I say, earlier (?), “Ah, Baguio – we’re going back there!” within the hearing distance of Oliver – or so I wish Oliver to hear – It’s these days – a few days before ’03 ends – Oliver is lying down on a mattress – I’d say to him irritably – “You’re not supposed to be here – You’re not part/ no longer part of this group” something like this – Earlier, I would ignore his presence as he passes infront of me – Somehow, Zsa zsa turns to Charlene (?). Unsure of this – As Aga and Zsa zsa throw away the trumpets, they are very happy – laughing – Some kids? pick up the trumpets? Another movie (?) / show is shown on TV – A group of actors/actresses – I see Richard G.pissed at a young girl – beautiful – star of “Ang Babae sa Breakwater” ? Unsure of this – This girl reasons out why this particular boy is not yet there – Richard puts his legs around the girl’s and starts pumping – All these people are lying down on a mattress – a groupie – a party of sort – drinking ? – I see the girl remove her skirt – She’s without panty – or that she removes her panty – her vagina shows – I say, “Ang bastos! Pinakita pa ang ari” – something like this. – I despise it because my children are watching – Tim and Nolan’s presence felt – First scene at the park, Zsa zsa kisses Aga on the cheek (?). – As Richard pumps, I say, “Pati ba yan pinapakita? Di naman magse-sex yan – kunwari lang” something like this to downplay the sex act on TV – as regards to the kids. – Am familiar with the places in Baguio shown on TV.
DECEMBER 19, 2003 – VOL. 17
-An unfamiliar neighborhood – Gam and I are to pass through the chicken wire gate of a property – I see 2 dogs – One small and a quite big (not so) dog – I say to Gam we’re not passing through because of the dogs – Suddenly, a matronly woman comes out and another (maid?) who opens the gate – She is the new owner of the property – She asks who we are (?). I say, as we enter her property, we are the former owners of her property – (though the house seems unfamiliar to me) – Earlier, she’d say the dogs are docile – Exiting through the other gate / front gate, I notice I carry a plateful of rice in my hand (right?). We are to ride a jeep / tricycle – So as not to contaminate / dirty up the rice with dust, I tell Gam we buy a plastic bag. At a store, I ask this girl for a plastic bag. She wouldn’t know (?) – I see a pile of white plastic bags inside the glass display cabinet – Hazy – I talk to the man – who goes out of the store to get (?) a plastic bag – I plan to buy 2 plastic bags – but I see a plastic bag in my hand. There’s a man seated that I approach and taunt with my hand covered with something, as if a gun – Am inviting trouble – Another man in the store, sort of gets irked by what I do – I don’t know who this man is who gets my rice already wrapped in a grayish paper (?) and already inside a plastic bag. I retrieve it from him and say, “Wag naman / ganyan”. Another man sort of pushes (slightly) me with his hand – I walk away from the store – Somehow, I wish for the store to explode – Something bad to happen to it – From a distance, I see it does explode / burst into flames –
-A BRITISH SHRINE / PALACE (as if BUCKINGHAM PALACE?). Am walking inside the Palace (?) – Place for Kings / Queens / Royalties – Architecture is that of a monarchy / royalty – On my mind, this is where I belong or that I “deserve” to tread upon this place /or own / have this place. I hear the words, “To meet the Queen” or “Queen” alone – as if the Queen (of England?) stays there / here, in this palace – A sudden shift of scenes – as if an espionage -type of a foreign movie – A group of foreign men enters the palace by misleading the group that secures the area – Hazy – until the first group is able to do that thing and exits through the front door. The leader of the security groups suspects them, tries to take a picture / shots of the man he sees last exiting from the door but is unable to because the said man already shuts the door – On my mind, earlier, I’d tell my friends I tread upon this Kingly palace – As if I am to record this particular dream (Kingly palace), I pour on the floor (cement floor) a liquid from a glass / container I hold – a liquid that resembles a macapuno jam / sweetened macapuno – though a little more saucy – as if to illustrate through the macapuno-like liquid poured on the floor the span / entire area of the British Shrine / Palace. – This liquid has coconut bits / macapuno bits. I think I even drink some from the glass (?). Unsure of this – And I say – rudely or schemingly / devilishly – “Walang Diyos – Ako lang nandito” – laugh a bit after saying this – I reach for my notebook – Am faced with the last detached (few – about 2-3/4 pages) pages – detached from the bind – I see some small holes on them – And a bold written word on a page behind the page, as if the page before the page with the bold written word used is onion-skin where I can read the next page – The word is “Breakwater” (?) written on the middle of the page. –
TRIVIA:
*British Shrine/ Palace Dream/ Kingly Place Dreamt Dec. 19, 2003. On the same date, Phil. Star publishes “LONDON CALLING” article and picture with the caption “KINGLY COURT OPENS ITS GATES.”
*“Eddie” in Mr. Bondoc’s article on the same date.
DECEMBER 27, 2003 – VOL. 17
- SURIGAO – Whole body picture / image of a man cut into pieces like a puzzle – pizza (?) cut or close to it –but whole – THAT I SHALL PAINT IT BRIGHT (?) – SHINING BRIGHT (?) – Something like this – THE MAN, CUT INTO PIECES REPRESENTS SURIGAO?
DECEMBER 28, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Climbing up the stairs of the Old House and seeing the altar table and the cross (?). Unsure of the cross placed on the wall and another piece (I do not know what it is), set-up right side of the altar area (a little narrow – half of the entry). I weep seeing the altar set-up – But that the Old House is owned by another – Unsure of this – Alessandra de Rossi (?) – A young girl who is there at / goes to the altar / altar area – There are some stuffs on top of the altar table (thermos, etc.). I take them off the table and place them on the floor and tell them not to put anything on top of it – There’s a young, chubby man (guy?) sitting on the floor (his back to the disclosure window) – sort of an alalay (?) of Alessandra – I move the table around – wrap it with a canvass (?) / thick cloth which I, later, find out to be a painting of sort. I’d wrap the top of the altar table with it – I think the young man tries to peak at the interior / other side of the cloth. I sort of stop him as he lifts the edge of the canvass already wrapped to the top of the altar table. I notice it is A PAINTING OF A MAN WITH SHOULDER LENGTH HAIR – green is incorporated in the painting – I realize there could be some “signs” in the painting that I can use as “guide” to the “treasure history”? (Unsure of this). Earlier, I’d see some plates (or so I tell them not to also put plates on top of the altar table) – Alessandra (?) says / mentions “Ate Purita” sort of eats the stuff on the table (plate). It occurs to me that Eleng sells the property to Ate Toying (Victoria). I ask Alessandra (?) or is it one of Toying’s daughters? NOT SURE of Toying’s daughters – how much it is sold to them (on installment basis). On my mind, I know / hear 1 million or I just fail to hear how much million – Toying to pay P100/daily. Hazy – It seems my intrusion in the Old House is not taken badly /or am I either a nuisance despite the fact Alessandra owns it (?) already.
-My head bowed down, feeling myself – my lips – my skin (on my face) without touching it – just sort of moving my facial tissues / muscles – my lips. Am I still old? – Unsure of this. I’d feel and realize – I have F4 hairstyle (bangs and long black hair) – I’d touch my back hair – I FEEL I AM YOUNG BECAUSE OF MY TAIL HAIR – as if elated over my long hair, I sort of stretch my facial muscles by looking up – chin up. Suddenly, Kris Aquino is interviewing me – We are seated facing each other at a small round table – She asks, “What are your pains?” – something like this – I stutter a bit – “Let’s leave it like that” – I change (repeat) it to “Let’s leave it at that” – IT’S AS IF I VISUALIZE PEOPLE WOULD GO GAGA OVER A 49 YEAR OLD MAN LOOKING LIKE / TURNED TO A YOUNG MAN (if I do get young).
TRIVIA:
EAB is currently 56 years old.
DECEMBER 29, 2003 – VOL. 17
-Orly A. who works for Dr. Elepaño across the street / front of Nanay’s house. Am upstairs – Going down at the laundry area and the 3 step-stairs leading to the front door, are Orly, Georgie, Obet and Olan (?) – Earlier, Daddy would go up – that’s when I go down and see them conversing – I introduce Georgie first to Orly, and the rest. Gergie stands up and I comment, “Gumugwapo ka, ah”. He looks fresh and youngish (goes upstairs). Orly goes out – heads for Dr. Elepaño. I can see from Dr. Elepaño’s window (?) their shadows / images (forget the spelling of silhouette). Orly is cold – It occurs to me that, maybe, I could derive some help from him – Yet, somehow, I know he already knows my perversities / sexuality. Before he goes to Dr. Elepaño clinic, I ask from him my medicine – He gives me a list / piece of paper with the drawing of what I need – I look at it – seems like a bone structure (pelvis) (2nd on the list) – Hazy. A SCENE WHERE I’D SEE A DRAWING OF A BONE STRUCTURE FROM THE HIPS DOWN TO THE FEET – STRIPPED OF FLESH – LIKE A PIG BONE STRIPPED OF ITS MEAT – Orly says that’s “Pinagkakaguluhan sa karnabal” (?) – Unsure of the exact statement. Gilbert appears – This bone structure now is on a plate of food (?) (How’s that?) – I think Gilbert (unsure of this) utters something. I think I’d throw / give the plate back (?) to Orly (?), or throw it at Gilbert saying that it should happen to him (?) – That I deem it to happen to him (whatever bad implication the bone structure signifies) – Horrid view of the bone structure.
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- Hazy- At a disco- not much people. I’d grab Orly to dance. With my tight embrace, he’d tell me about my perversities. I’d tell him- “ARAW-ARAW”.
JANUARY 3, 2004 – VOL. 17
-Outside an office (?) I see on a stand some brown envelops / pile of brown envelops – There’s a young woman who comes out from this office (open office) and puts one more envelop (?) on top of several (about 4) envelops – I check on the envelop – It’s the GIFT OF GOD returned with the name James (?) Barbers in the middle. Barbers (?) returns to sender the envelop – Suddenly, it’s Lally who informs me that the mailman returns it (Barber’s envelop) to me, EDUARDO – I tell her it’s not EDUARDO – my name being EDGARDO instead, so as for Lally not to get the envelope – I ask Lally who points to this address or office (the office is mine) “Si LA” – LA informs about me and my office. I try to recall what I put on the envelop – I recall, I don’t put my name (?) / address (?) on the envelop – Seeing the envelop, some of the pages of the book are outside the mouth of the envelop – messy – as if the reader is angered / dislikes what the Gift Of God contains. I wonder if the people – the office read the book –
JANUARY 4, 2004 – VOL. 17
-A scene where Nolan enters and says, “May invitation kayo sa “MANALO SA COUNTDOWN PROMO”. I ask about the invitation / invite – Another scene where Inday comes in and informs me I’m invited in “Countdown Promo” – She holds something that seems to detach – as 2 pieces of papers glued to another – I ask about the invite / invitation – What she holds / serves as /or is the invitation – A poster / leaflet that I pull apart / open – and see the content of the leaflet. Pepe Pimentel’s face on it – Contestants being sort of interviewed by Richard Gomez, as he holds a mike aimed at the crowd – There’s a Carlos Morales look-alike contestant among the crowd. I see the prize catch – P100, 000.00 – As if Inday and I are outside Nanay’s house (?) – Unsure of this – spot of Hernando’s clinic, facing Old House, disclosure window. Am thinking of joining Nolan in the contest – Later, I consider Tim – but then again, he’s a Chinese citizen? The contest is named, “Manalo sa Countdown Promo” and win P100, 000.00. Earlier, Inday would say, “Ang daming numerong bibilangin” – Something like this and she laughs (?) / smiles.
JANUARY 6, 2004 – VOL. 17
-At a long table, I’d see Chet T. (Nolan’s mother) seated at the kabisera. There would be / I’d be heading for the other / opposite kabisera. Nolan seats to my right – My index finger is cut about an inch – and the cut portion is on the table. I hold a fork on my left hand and a small knife (__________small bread knife? Not necessarily from ___________ ) on my right hand – Nolan is deliberating on changing the name / title of the Gift of God as he claims the prophecy about 2003 does not happen – I explain that it does – The dissemination / distribution of the book to several people, as well as the texting, banners, stickers (they’re not mentioned) – That in effect, it does come out 2003 – It seems his mother just listens, or so I make her hear the truth about the “2003” dream. I am to cut / slice off a portion of my finger and give it to Nolan to taste / eat it – He squirms, declines. Looking at my right hand fingers, I see my fingers are intact – MY INDEX FINGER ALREADY GROWS BACK. I say gleefully, “It’s okay – it’s back” – Something like this and position my fork and knife to slice off my index finger on the table – but then, I decide not to – Could be hard to slice off – I consider / think of keeping the cut-finger for posterity – for sometime – PERHAPS THIS CUT-OFF FINGER COULD BE A SOURCE OF “MIRACLE” OR SOMETHING – SOMETHING THAT COULD BE SOURCE OF CURE, MIRACLE FOR OTHERS – Chet seems to be eating something – Something before her on the table.
- First dream- Hazy- I HAVE A FACELIFT? - I look young and I like the feeling that my skin is “taut”- lifted up- something like this.
* Never in my entire life- conscious thought.
JANUARY 7, 2004 – VOL. 17
-As if we’re in Bicol (?) where Mel is – Nanay is furious finding out about Mel’s affairs with different men (in Bicol?) – I stop her rage – In tears, I say she is Mary Magdalene – and I shall come to protect her / shield her / forgive her – Nanay looks different – not Pacita at all – I think she holds something – Her hand in anger, perhaps to strike at Mel – I hold Nanay by her leg to stop her – “She is Nanay” I say – “Kaninong Nanay?” – She asks (?). “Nanay ng lahat” – I say – Hazy –
JANUARY 7, 2004 – VOL. 17
-Two disciples (?) / Someone of spiritual inclination /or 2 priestly men – Disciples (?) – There’s a girl / woman in between the 2 disciples whose robes are already lowered to their hips – Naked from the waist up (lustful) – Hazy
JANUARY 8, 2004 – VOL. 17
Tim’s Sleeptalk
“Ospital, ospital! Bakit iniospital ang ULO? Pinapakita nila lahat ng casualty”JANUARY 13, 2004 – VOL. 18
-Hazy – A scene outside, near the road with Raul Roco (?) and Cory Aquino as they visit the front garden of an establishment (Pampanga) (?). Cory examines the flowers while Roco comments – “ANG GANDA – ANG GANDA NG MGA NAMATAY” (laughs) referring to the plants that are not there anymore / die – Am to leave – hesitant – because I see Orly A. standing up with a hat (?) as if doing something, too – Part of his job (?) (Not given). I evade him and go through the plants / garden. I carry something – A plastic bag full of something – Walking away from the scene, and about to cross the road, two people would cross my path – Oddly dressed with faces covered (?) – A man and a woman (?) – And I do not know what happens next / I faint (?). They abduct me – Next scene, there’s a man hanging at the back of a door with his feet wide open – Maybe he’s tied to the door. Is it I? Or so I feel it is me. Viewing the man tied to the door, the right side foot (his left foot) is being sawed (lagare), at least, the outline of his leg (not the leg itself) as if to scare him off – There are other 2 men / victims seated infront (inside the house) looking straight at the door – They are so frightened – Next scene – There’s a shadow at their back – A man /or 2 men with an electric saw / chainsaw? – One man is sawed from the head down (not shown) and another one – Another scene, two men are stripped of their shirt – These abductors would examine their backs / backbones – perhaps the outline of their vertebral column / vertebrae – that’s where they will start to cut them / slice them – Morbid dream –
*The demise of both Raul Roco and Cory Aquino
JANUARY 14, 2004 – VOL 18
- Hazy- Writing the lyrics to the song “YOU’LL NEVER GONNA LEAVE HIM” (TELL HIM).
JANUARY 15, 2004 – VOL. 18
-Inside a village (plush?) I walk around the park (?) / vacant lot / open area – Comes a car with some people on board – Gabby Concepcion is inside with some people – Comes another (?) car with several people, too – almost hits me – I evade them – move away from their path as they stop awhile and just drive away. Don’t know if it’s one car / the same car – Some old woman gets off the car – rides on a something – It’s a bit big lawn mower – Driving the lawn mower unto the open lot of tall grasses and weeds. It goes upside down, yet still, moves quite fast as if a runaway vehicle – It does mow through – Some areas are already cut – Someone would yell at her – that they’d just do it for her (mowering the tall grass). I meet a guy (gay?) stitching / crocheting – Perhaps, making a crocheted table cover – with thread tassel all over the edges – I see a house being painted by several workers – One a molato looking / dark-looking guy – They leave – Tim, Nolan and I go there and I would mess around with the daintily white painted walls and door of a closet – Some cottony white, big gumamela-like stuffs I put / create / cause on the walls and door of the closet – as well as on my body – Am naked – as if I have some little / small cottons on my body – just messing around. In come, the workers – and swiftly, I try to dress up to cover the mess / paints over my body and face – I still can see the top of the back door of the closet – I guess the workers know I mess around with their work – In comes a little boy from the neighbor – Child of the owner of another property holding a party – (perhaps, why we’re there? Unsure of this) I ask him where my friend (Gabby Concepcion) lives / address – First I say, “Where’s Gabby Lopez’ house?” – I correct it – to Gabby Concepcion – He says he doesn’t know (?) – I say I just talk to him / meet him – I just want to distract the workers from what I do to their work – I can still picture Gabby from among the passengers of the car earlier – As we are to leave the place, a worker tells something to Nolan – that I (not directly pointed / uttered by the man) should pay up or panain (arrow) iyan (A dialect that means “iyan”). On my mind, I know he’s referring to me – I could pay up P100 – P200, seems big (?). I remember the man mention, “Yung may-ari (owner) of the house to pay up / anak ng may-ari” – could it mean we own the property there? (Just a conscious thought/ awake). – I put on my white pajama pants, hurriedly, to cover up my body mess - Nolan relays (?) to me what the worker says, or do I just overhear it?
*ABS-CBN became Gabby Concepcion’s home studio after many years of absence in showbusiness. Gabby Lopez is the Head of ABS-CBN.
-There’s a song – familiar song – sung by a young boy – that when he’s obliged to pay up something (continuation of the first dream? Unsure of this) he goes back to singing the song or playing the song to point out that he’s just a kid singing a version of an old song – Getting to the “refrain / chorus” part of the song – it is sung by the Beatles – or the original chorus part of this original version (Beatles song) is made chorus of the boy’s version – I sing the song in my head and I know it – Running through the entire song, I think there are other groups of singers incorporated in the chorus part – When the song is done, I try to imitate the “adlib” / instrumental part of the song by putting some suds / soap suds through / in my external / mid-internal ears, thus, producing a similar ad-lib / instrumental part of the song – so I wouldn’t forget the song (?) or so I could sing / imitate the song – unsure which – Doing this ear thing, I seem to be staring at 2 overpasses (TWIN OVERPASSES) or am below / under / near the edge of two overpasses – Something like this – Waking up from this dream, I totally forget the song that I sing with the boy (in my head why or so I think – in the dream) – I do not remember the song – the entire song.
JANUARY 18, 2004 – VOL. 18
-In Bel’s house – Bel informs me about Mila M. – that she talks to her mother asking for some money (?) – She’d be coming home and finds out what’s going on to Bel’s house (Talakay / Mission) herself – Atmosphere seems light – Seated among my flock, I’d see Elsie driving a tricycle, pass by – I call on her “Elsie!” which she hears and she pulls over, comes to me – There are about 4-5 uniformed maids behind Elsie – as if her friends, asking her, “Asan si / ang Mang-aaliw?” (Pink uniforms? Stripe / pink uniform?). I’d just continue what I do, my back to them – On my mind, some people get to be aware of my presence / existence – There are sacks of sands (?) piled up in one area of the property – Some sacks of sands (?) / rocks (?) block the path – Would ask Nick and Ace to transfer them to the “Old House” – but then, I realize it should just be around (Bel’s place), just in case work is done in Bel’s property, it’ll be easier – to which Bel agrees. Earlier, I’d see Ace in one area – It’s he I wish to help out remove the sacks – some half-filled sacks of rocks? But it’s Nick’s name I call out. I’d see Robert help out carry a sack. At one point, I go to what seems like a kitchen area where I put some rocks (fistful or smaller) in a cauldron already with rocks – I see Nita – saying, “Nandito ako, Bel” as if to announce and make known (to me?) her presence (she holds something in her hand – sandok?) as if to cook / cooking – Seeing her cauldron of rocks, I wish rice would be cooked just in case Mila’s group eats when they arrive – Small stand where I see 3 modern vases (glass) – bluish – and some 2-3 lanterns hanging below it – On my mind, they need not be removed despite Christmas being over. I see Grace and say they don’t have much decor, yet – Area seems to be fixed / done / constructed (?) or to be made better (?). I feel as if I’d help Bel with some of the decors (vases) in her house – Can’t be sure what / which area of Bel’s house is to be fixed (Sala? Not given) – but area seems wider than the present site of the table – Mila seems “puzzled” (?) / “intrigued” by what we still “do” (Table) or its continued perennial existence (nagging). Atmosphere is light / happy? Earlier, as the maids are eager to see me, am I holding a piece of tissue paper in my left hand? It is the Gift of God distribution (and its content) that I will tell Mila or what reaches Mila’s knowledge – Sort of – Unsure of this.
-Outside – on the street, I walk – A young vagrant boy follows me. Entering a compound onto a room (motel) without registering first (room is not locked), the vagrant boy follows me there, too. He persuades me to buy something he, perhaps, steals from someone – A cellphone – He wants a quick buck – He says he could sell it to someone else (at a cheaper price). He is fidgety, lies down on the bed – He’s shirtless – seducing me, perhaps – His facial expressions, squinting eyes, pouting lips resemble those of Niño’s – I see his body, brown and shapely – I sit down beside him / on the side of the bed and caress his body – His imperfections on his skin are similar to Niño’s, as well – Yet, I find him good to taste – but taking a closer look at his nose – something’s wrong with his nose – as if operated on – I ask him, “What happened to your nose?” He keeps concealing his nose by moving his head left and right – He doesn’t give an answer. I stand up and carry 2 pillows out of the room (I seem to have other stuffs with me). The boy carries a pillow without a case (pillow case). Before this, I would notice a man outside our door, as if checking up on us – He pretends to do something – wiping the walls outside the room – I can see him through the glass windows (?). He leaves in a while – Just outside the door that’s open, I see a brown wallet – I pick it up, open it and see some money in it – I’d say the brand of the wallet __?__ (I forget it) – Comes a sub-policeman (in blue, MMDA blue uniform) with his blue (?) patrol car parked just outside the door – He sees the wallet in my hand – I ask what he is. __?__ (I forget what he says / calls himself) – perhaps, a sub-policeman. He inspects the wallet, gets interested with the money, I suppose – and leaves. Carefully / slowly walking out of the motel compound with our pillows (motel pillows that we steal). We pretend the pillows are ours – The staff about a few meters away from us conversing with each other – Onwards, we head for our path – There’s a man who calls out for the owner (?) of the motel – A priest (?). They walk ahead of us – The man says, “Bilis, Father” (referring to the priest). There’s some sort of a show / performance. Something is being pounded to the ground – looks like a metal thing (?) – Next scene, I enter a theatre – still the boy follows me – There are several young boys inside the theatre (barkadas) playing around. There seem to be no chairs / rows of chairs in the middle of the theatre, but more of an open ground / wide area for these young boys to play on in – One boy sort of does something with his feet that enables him to lift his body above the ground (about 4-5 feet). I request him to do it again as I am impressed by what he does – Instead, he sort of tiptoes to make it seem he walks up on air about 3-4 inches above the ground – Very swiftly he “walks” away from us – I say he’s just doing an act to look like he’s walking on air – Another boy (beside me) says he’s actually doing it (walking on air?). I dare them / perhaps, ask him to fly – AS I CAN FLY JUST A FEW FEET ABOVE THE GROUND – SAY, ABOVE NORMAL HUMAN HEIGHT – Though I think (?) it – seeing myself fly – Unsure if I just think it /or actually see myself fly (visualize?) – The vagrant boy carries his caseless pillow on his shoulder (right shoulder?) – I get attracted to the vagrant boy because of his striking resemblance to Niño – though he’s shorter. Something odd about his nose – for awhile, I THINK OF IT AS THAT OF MICHAEL JACKSON’S REMOVED NOSE.
JANUARY 20, 2004 – VOL. 18
-Recalled Portion – Toying passes by me, seated infront of Digo’s gate (vacant lot?) AS IF AM HOLDING VIGIL / WAITING FOR SOMETHING THERE (OUR MISSION / SOMETHING OF THE MISSION) – stationed in that gate of Digo’s. Toying says I should leave it / stop it (Mission?). A mention of Nick’s name (I forget what about). Nanay, later, is in the picture. Am scratching a mosquito bite, left side (upper) of my leg scar (right leg in real life) but in the dream, it is the left leg (?). Not sure of this – A pimple-like bite that I keep scratching. Waking up, my left leg really itches /or has a mosquito bite (?) – Perhaps, why it itches.
-First Dream – Hazy – Two (2) buses pass by – Am to take or ride – A 3rd bus passes by – I see or so it seems I see the driver lose control of the wheel – The bus turns to its side and goes sliding to its detriment – An accident – before my eyes – I fear it’ll hit me or so I think it does as it obliterates my sight of it – I forget the rest of the dream.
TRIVIA:
BUS ACCIDENT DREAM JAN 20, 2004.
- Nolan (?) says “MAHAL NA HARI” to me as if in jest. Tim (?) sort of dislikes it- in case someone (other people) hears of it-
JANUARY 23, 2004 – VOL. 18
-Tim, myself and a man (I do not know, but do know in the dream). This man has a top down (?) car (parked). At the back of the car, there’s some sort of dirt / some dried leaves on the compartment cover that another man notices as he passes by – This other man stands there, turns his back and looks upward – I don’t know what he’s staring at. Next scene, there’d be guys making “tawad” / price haggling with Tim and this man (who seems to be our friend). A guy names his price for Tim – On my mind, I wish he’d price himself at P300 – less than this (?) is what the guy wishes to pay (?) for Tim – The other “friend” of ours is being offered P160.00 (tawad of the guy) over our friend’s probable price at P200 (?) – Not sure of this – I say P300 – for him. It seems the atmosphere is “inside” a theatre – There’s a woman who comes – Someone that I know (an owner of a store?). It turns out she’s the pimp / mamasan of the theatre (?). Seeing our other friend (who looks familiar, facial features similar to Charlie G., but NOT him) Chinese, bulky, tall, chinky eyes. She says he could be her __?__ (perhaps, another “star” in the place) – As she walks towards her place of work / flesh (?) business inside the theatre, we all go along with her / follow her – I call her Manang Delia – I tell Tim and our friend she’s Manang Delia (the one I know from somewhere / a store owner). In the dream, she really is familiar to me and I to her. Earlier, I’d say to our other friend, “Ang dali, ano?” (referring to the task of restricting / stopping him from any sexual acts or “gimmicking” and one day, just granting it back – even myself being the sort of a “pimp” / the provocateur - I, paving the way for him and Tim’s gimmicks – Our other friend agrees that it’s really easy – ACCEPTING THE FACT AS SUCH, DESPITE THE LONG SEXUAL DROUGHT AND SACRIFICE / DENIAL AND NOW, THIS OUTRIGHT FREEDOM AND APPROVAL FOR SUCH LIBERTY TO COMMIT PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL ENCOUNTER (and for a fee) – That I take away and restore / grant back such a freedom (MANG-AALIW). I see him smile – happy over this “development” – Earlier, Tim (?) would say, as Delia says earlier, that our friend would wear something in the show (?) (Not given) /or infront of the customers – Something skimpy – I forget what it is – usual revealing wear for places like this, especially if one is the star of this theatre /or Delia’s protégé. It is only Tim and this friend of ours who are “hunting” / willing mates to these gays (or who entertain gimmicks in this dream) – Not I, which is pretty unusual?
JANUARY 24, 2004 – VOL. 18
-As if we visited Niño in a mountainous area (place of work?) – Not given – A scene where there are some men asking him something – like an open forum – Question that sounds like this – How he “survives” – Niño seems seated as others, perhaps, are too – I forget what others (another man) say – before he says his piece. He does regard his survival to his good looks – He says he’s good looking – sounding a bit conceited (or so I think) – that he uses this to his advantage – Gays play a big part in his life (not stated this way but just sounding this way). He does a monologue of his struggles (not given) and conquest (not given). He would mention me – EAB – loving him differently, “Ibang klaseng magmahal si EAB” – exact line (He doesn’t call me Eddie). Am there watching / listening among others – This brings me to tears. His testimonies about me are quite long and detailed. Don’t know how it is, but somehow, I see / read his testimonies in writing – He mentions about 2 instances where I try to produce money by using 2 properties (?) through loan (not clearly stated). He namedrops a particular project (?) / property where I derive money for him. Can’t recall some of his speech – I stand up and sort of walk out – Couldn’t stand the emotion – Looking behind me (or so I think I do), I see EJ bursting in tears, running after me as if he really knows me / misses me / loves me – He “begs” for me to sort of not go (?) / come back (?). Both of us in tears, I promise to come back for him “Christmas”. I say “Pasko” – after lunch – He nods / agrees. Perhaps, Niño doesn’t hear / see this scene. He’s still with the group saying his piece (?) about me (?). Another scene where am with Niño or do I come back awhile? – He says to me something about PAG-IBIG – His (?) or mine (?) that I now refuse / wouldn’t accept / allow to happen (?) – Right then and there, I know / feel he loves me. I am perhaps seated – He, standing. Am looking up at him – Staring at his face – Still the face I love to look at – Hazy – hoping I’d see traces of time on his face – pimples or anything – none so (?). Another scene, I see Purita about to change clothes (?) / use the CR. Niño offers the CR (?) – It’s he who now accommodates us as if we are in his home / house. I see Alma, as well – I sort of feel enlightened, or Alma does (?) about Niño’s feelings / sentiments over me. Am changing clothes, as well (?) about to leave (All of us about to leave for talakay). We are to travel. Looking out of the window – or just seeing the heavy rain through the window (strong winds). I worry about the time to spend traveling to get to the talakay. Tim is beside me – I talk to him – I forget what about aside from the talakay. Earlier, Niño, likewise, mentions where he stays – with his co-worker (and his mother, co-workers). He says he tries to make some money doing some “business” with co-workers / guards (?) – Unsure of security guards – While he relates this, I think of the wealthy matron he is linked to (or so I gather from LA / Eric). The matron requires of him to still work? Light moment where I mention his father or mother dies (one of them dies in real life). Niño adds on his brother with his father (?) – “Lahat sila” (as if to die or so I presume?) – Unsure of this – only certain of what Niño says, “Lahat sila” /or both his father and brother – to die? A scene Niño (monologue) describes me to the group / people listening to him – Am feeling flattered – as if I still have some money (?) though not given – or so I think I still have / pretend (?) I have – I say at one point I have a meeting of sort – and I’d sort of rush to prepare (?) to go – When Niño says, “Ibang klaseng / walang katulad magmahal si Eddie B.”, Nolan comes to mind – that if he hears this, he may not feel the same? (Not given) – Just a passing thought – Some things / details forgotten especially Niño’s narrative.
JANUARY 31, 2004 – VOL. 18
-As if outside – Garden? – An open lavatory where I lean over – There’d be the red stinging ants that’ll climb up my arm and bite me – There’d be ants crawling on the surface wall of the lavatory (?) which I drown away by running the water through my hand / arm. The water runs through my arm unto my index finger – using it as my tool to wash away the ants from the wall down to the drain – I see one fly (?) / small cricket-like insect (black) that I flush off the wall to the drain – A scene where I hear that Ike Lozada is in hell – He owes P177, 000.00 (?) – As if there’s a feeling (?) / actual sight of flooding or just the water flushing of ants to the drain as the word “hell” is mentioned. There are others with me – Two (2) men (?) – I remember saying – “These men who dare declare who is and is not in hell – Something like this – Hazy
FEBRUARY 3, 2004 – VOL. 18
-I say this statement to someone (?) /or just that I utter this statement, “DO YOU KNOW WHY I’M HERE? TEARS OF JOY” – As I write this statement to keep record of it / to remember it / to document it as to not forget it (in the dream), I write “TEARS OF JOY” to the tune of, “As Tears Go By” – The first line of that song should’ve been, “This is the evening of the day”. Instead, I write, “TEARS OF JOY” to the tune of that first line of “AS TEARS GO BY”.
FEBRUARY 4, 2004 – VOL. 18
-Hazy – Aboard a ship (?) where there are about 2-3 men / people who die – Am looking for the, “Thank You” verse (?) somewhere – The exact statement / words to use – Ask a priest who’s with us to get the “Thank You” verse from his book (Bible?). A scene I ask Cathy to read the contents of this verse (?) as I can’t read the book. Nanay’s presence is felt, Daddy’s, as well (?) – Hazy – Something that I would put / wipe on the lips of these dead people being kept in an isolated room / freezer (?) – Not mentioned – Want to surprise the people around me – They’d just find these dead people alive – and joining us again. As if I’d just try to do it – RAISING THEM FROM THE DEAD – Earlier, with Cathy – as if am holding / seeing some sort of a round capsule where this “Thank You” ritual is contained (?) – Something like this. Earlier still, should there be a mass officiated by this priest, I’d butt in to “say” the verses myself – Straight from the MESSIAH himself. Does the priest actually hold a mass in the ship? I see him behind an altar table doing the mass – I seem like a “Jesus” / doing a Jesus act –
FEBRUARY 16, 2004 – VOL. 18
-Am inside my room (?) – __________ room? Unsure – It’s dusk / night time? Or early dawn – I stand up for the CR (?) – HEARING VOICES, I GET FRIGHTENED – Nolan is in the room sleeping (?). IT WOULD BE THE SOUND / VOICES OF SEVERAL PEOPLE PRAYING OUTSIDE / SOME SORT OF PROCESSION, BUT NOT – Getting out of my room, and looking down from the top of the stairs, I’d see Nanay setting several tables – There’re food on the tables – Is the first half of the stairs also part of the eating area? There are tables there, too. Is a woman helping her? – It seems these people, guests of Nanay’s are neighbors? Unsure of this – Where we are is an unfamiliar place – Perhaps, not ____________– but a new place – Is this a “Padasal” that Nanay sets up or just a friendly get-to-know each other party? Unsure which – Do I get frightened in anticipation of ghosts? – Something about “24 Hours” – Just the thought / essence of this dream – THAT 24 HOURS ONE MUST BE AVAILABLE FOR HIM (?) –
-Very blur – Martin Nievera explaining about the “24 Hours” in Spanish (partly) – The word “PARADISO” (?) / “PARATISO” mentioned by Martin N. in explaining the “24 Hours”.
EAB’s SLEEPTALK- February 29, 2004 – VOL. 18.
“GIVE MY FATHER THE RESPECT HE DESERVES… HE DESERVES. GIVE MY FATHER WHAT HE DESERVES…”MARCH 3, 2004 –VOL. 18
-Hazy – Purita seated touching/ massaging her feet while I report to her something like “EVERYTHING’S” READY – I say “IN FULL BATTLE GEAR”. She says she won’t allow things to happen that way – Her Robert and me (?) in full battle gear – FOR BECAUSE ALL OUR LIVES WILL BE CALLED IN FOR BATTLE – Something like this – that she’s just testing (?) us –
MARCH 4, 2004 – VOL. 18
- Hazy beginning – Unfamiliar place – Bel and I seated talking about something – more of Bel telling me about something – Some sort of a meeting (?) with the flock – We are in a group which is likewise seated – Not sure if flock members only or there are other people in the group – Bel asks something in a whisper. She uses her left (?) hand to either cover her mouth (side) so no one else hears what she tells me or to make me hear her question more as she speaks near my left (?) ear – She asks something like this – THAT SHOULD SHE ADAPT OTHER’S (?) / ANOTHER PERSON’S (?) OF WHATEVER, SHE CAN MATE (?) WITH ME OR IF SHE USES MY WHATEVER, SHE CAN MATE WITH OTHERS (?). “Mate” is not the word used – I cannot remember what is used – or if she uses another person’s or is it mine (?) and the effect of such adaptation, resulting in mating with me or others are not surely / accurately applied to the right or probable choice of adaptation – She suggests we talk elsewhere since she says “maingay” (?). We both stand up and head toward another area of the house – Is it Bel’s house (?) – We pass and exit through a very low / knee high swinging door that has 2 things on top of it – Top spot near the door’s connection to the wall (hinge) – One of the stuffs (near me) is a round crystal ash tray that falls to the floor /or I pick it up and slides from my hand / slips from my grasp and breaks as it hits the floor – I see the crystal tray break into pieces – I tell Bel I have one ash tray, too, that I buy at P20.00 only – That she should put a tape under the ash tray to hold it firmly as I do my own ash tray. She asks where I place it (Unsure if she asks). I say in my “bar” in the house – I think I mention another ash tray (?) – I say my ash tray though cheap is heavy – Bel’s ash tray is lean and light suggesting it is expensive. But, then again, I say there are expensive ash trays which are heavy or vice-versa. Bel enters another area of the house – Still am talking about my platera (China cabinet) that I say I “saw” (with thread?) – spoons and plates, so that when an earthquake comes, they will not fall against each other and break (spoons and plates sewn on the platera shelf)– I see Bel’s platera. She gets something from it – I point to her platera as similar (?) or just to point what platera is. There are 12 inches or more size statues on the top shelf of her platera, from one end to the other – Not sure if religious or just display / design statue – Bel gets the left- end positioned statue / takes it out of the platera – I think about the statue as falling off if an earthquake comes. Next scene, Alma seated – busy with something – Books – She asks if it’s alright to read (?) / bind (?) books. I see Alma writing down titles (?) of the books – and erasing the authors (?) of the book or publishers (?) of the book. On my mind, or do I say it? – THAT SHE PUTS MY NAME INSTEAD – MANG-AALIW? – I THINK I HAVE ANOTHER NAME OR ALIAS IN REFERENCE TO MY ROLE – Unsure of this – but then again, I fear I can be legally be held liable. I ask Audrey who has a blank / emotionless /or sad (?) face – She doesn’t seem “glad”, at least, being beside me – I ask if she binds books – It is that she asks Alma? Or it is that the books Alma binds are hers? (Audrey’s) – Audrey just coldly nods. I think of Joy, Bel’s cousin, as binding books, too, through Alma – As Bel and I head for another area of the house, I think of the sex act between me and Bel – I could entertain it / allow it, but wouldn’t I be turned off thinking we’re both of diverse genders? (Bel being a lesbian, I being a homosexual man) Something about Grace mentioned in the dream – A bit unpalatable? – Jee? I don’t remember – Unsure of their inclusion.
TRIVIA:
JESUS is my other name or alias.
MARCH 6, 2004 – VOL. 19
- Recalled Portion Only – By the side of Ligaya’s house, almost on the pathway leading to Toying’s house – (unsure of the location) There’s Abbey, Santi’s child and I- am seated. – To my left is Abbey and to my right is Abbey’s mother – supposed to be Rina, but Inday, instead. I teach Abbey to say some things – “MGA MAHAL SA BUHAY” . She says,“mga alal”, (bulol) – She, suddenly, says – “PASANG – KRUS”. I get a bit surprised – Apparently, Abbey’s mother – “Rina” / but Inday’s persona just gets out of the hospital (?) Unsure of the hospital / illness – I ask Abbey if she loves her mother – She answers, “LIBO-LIBO.” Suddenly, Lally comes out looking for her husband – It’s stormy now – strong winds / rains – I ask (?) why – “PATITIBAYIN ANG BUBONG” – Lally walks towards / near the area where the Old House (back) fence is – must be a store or something – Suddenly, her husband comes out – coming from the direction of the garage (front of me / side of me) – driving a passenger jeep – Instead of Nick, it is Fernando Poe Jr. wearing a striped – colored shirt – I remember telling Lally about her “patitibayin ang bubong” – in lieu of the rain. “Hindi ngayon” since it’s raining / there’s a storm as I look up and see dark clouds being driven by strong winds (dark sky, typically a stormy day) Do I think / consider giving Rina money because of her need (?) / others ? Not sure of this. – It is just a thought. Nick / FPJ is about to do something as summoned by Lally despite the strong typhoon.
MARCH 9, 2004 – VOL.19
- On a narrow (?) bed, lying down with Raymond S. (?)Suddenly, I’d think of a woman – turning out to be Pilar Pilapil who has a liking / crush on me – On top of her, rubbing my crotch against her vagina so my penis would be “stimulated” to erect, I try hard to consummate this act or would-be-sex act – as I wish to taste making love to a woman / copulate with a woman – hoping Pilar wouldn’t be turned off by this – my non-erection. It seems Raymund S.is lying a bit lower than me / us – He resents what I do – that should I like this act (?) I would leave him says he. Nolan (?) comes to mind – Hazy –
MARCH 16, 2004 – VOL.19
Halina Perez - infront of me. She becomes even more beautiful. She’s sort of seated, with a male and female (?) companion. We seem to be by the window, at the window of Nanay’s house (window facing Old House) – Wind blows her hair - Say I, “Ganda mo ha.” She smiles. The distinct features of her face are focused / shown. She smiles. Suddenly, am not distant from her – am asking her questions about her acting career as if am a reporter. Am wearing shorts & small T-shirt that I keep pulling down – My mouth is dry. – Still I pursue my question- something like this. “Do you still aspire that one day to win an acting award?” The three are seated, too.- I stand up and walk toward my right – a few steps – I see a counter-like set up.- I think of it as the U.S.(?) Embassy (?) counter for visas – I get H2O from somewhere left side of the counter – 2 glasses – I drink. There’s music playing loudly that comes from a tall machine – like a jukebox but not. – Halina answers my question though. I hardly hear it as I get H2O from the __?___. Suddenly, I hear Halina, sees her small sisters/brother? who pass by the right of way? She goes to the window and remind them saying “Wala na nga tayong pera…” – something like this - It’s as if someone treats these children?/ child to s something – She’s furious – I go to the ATM machine-like/ jukebox-like music playing equipment that really is intended (also) for something – I lower the volume of the song player. I decide to lower it some more – but it changes station – I return it to the original station – It’s okay to hear that music somehow though a bit annoying. I forget what else Halina says. I am now without a shirt on, hand over glass of H2O which she is about to drink but she takes mine and drinks from it. – I forget what we’re discussing now – but I go to the window & look down – and say to Halina that there are many people downstairs/ front of Nanay’s house – standing in the right of way – a group of foreigners & some other scattered few. I say to her these people maybe here for her – She gets to the window & looks as well. Earlier, as I get H2O (?), I hear Halina say/refer to me as “MANG-AALIW” – At the window, I ask her/ or am (looking at the people) about to ask her “Why do you call me Mang-aaliw?” I ask Halina earlier, how many movies she makes / does – She says 30 – can’t remember exactly the number if it’s 32(?) 34(?) 38(?) / Could be 20(?) Unsure how many. I see a long, white banner hanging as I look down (from the window) when I say to Halina that the people downstairs could be here for her – I do not see what’s written on the banner – Am looking from the top downward.
MARCH 26, 2004 – VOL.19
- Hazy – In a classroom with the flock and others (?) – Am seated on the last row – perhaps a sofa with Jee to my left – Our seat is (right side of me) next to the door / fronting entrance door – Our teacher is a youngish woman – a substitute teacher. Her medium of instruction / or tool of instruction is television (TV). I disdain the concept – for I couldn’t quite catch up on the subject matter – On the screen would be shown images – One frame shaped like a leaf – Can’t cope up with it – It seems my colleagues / classmates can (?). Jee sort of appeases me / or boosts me up (?). In comes our real teacher (woman) and after her (?), one male (I recognize him, cute) and a female enter the room – classmates, too. A scene I talk to the sub teacher and ask her “DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY?” “No”, says she. I say, “I do / some people do and some people don’t. Well, I do” – I think I say “I AM NOT CUT OUT FOR THIS.” (Unsure if I do) Another teacher (male) a bit old (60’s) would come in between us / blocking my sight of the sub teacher – I yell at him – saying “Go fix yourself a student.” I revolt over this subject – One scene, I am by the railing of an upper floor, I think of considering 4 more years of medicine (proper medicine) to have a direction – but am too old for that. Many thoughts occur to me – Am beleaguered.
MARCH 27, 2004 – VOL.19
- Hazy – Seems like a foreign movie – A scene where there’s a man holding a knife and a woman intoxicated – Her hands / arms nestled on the table – She doesn’t seem to fear what this man could / would do to her – There are other women that this man kills – as he represents “EVIL” – Another scene, there’s another man who supports “GOOD”- who looks upon or who’s looking at nowhere – thinking of the dangers he faces when he battles against “EVIL” – something like this. That he thinks it’s not going to be an easy task and that he may need the help of other men (?) – Next scene, the intoxicated woman now outside – dark area of the garden – Inside the house, this man with a knife holds another instrument- seems like a long bazooka- type weapon that he aims at the woman outside, dressed up in a tight scuba-like diving outfit. Behind this woman comes another woman carrying what seems like a BOW AND ARROW, a sophisticated one and __?___ / pushes the man to pull the trigger of his weapon to kill the woman outside – I don’t remember if it’s the woman who fires at the woman outside with her bow and arrow or the man with a bazooka-like weapon – Next scene, this man sets-off using an aircraft vehicle (or his aircraft takes off) – I SEE SEVERAL OVAL-SHAPED AIRCRAFT VEHICLES – I say to myself, they must have a hard time doing this movie – This movie seems to be a BATTLE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL – something like this
MARCH 28, 2004 – VOL. 19
- Hazy – Recalled portion only – At a dining table, I see Tito Ody eating – There’d be me seated infront of him and a woman to my left who seems to be my wife? Very, very unsure of her being my wife – Someone related to me – Nolan is to Tito Ody’s far left. This “wife” talks about something to Tito Ody (?) Unsure of what she talks about – something that offends me – Angrily, I remind her, “YOU ARE TALKING BEFORE GOD.” – I AM CONSCIOUS NOT TO REFER “MYSELF” /MANG-AALIW AS “THE GOD” – but I am very empathic of the words/ (which I repeat?) “BEFORE GOD” Say I, “I just bring Tito Ody from the dead/ raise Tito Ody from the dead” – I look at Tito Ody, his dark skin, & all- just quietly eating – seems unmindful of the things I tell this woman beside me who tries not to look at me directly/ or face me directly – I ASK NOLAN WHO THE OTHER PEOPLE/ PERSONS WHO DIED & PROMISED “RESURRECTION” – Nolan mentions 2 names – I forget the names – I remind him “Eva”, Jay’s mother, is promised such & another – I forget who –
APRIL 5, 2004 – VOL.19
Recalled portions only- Gam and I go to a very modest place- a group of small houses intended for rent by the owners- not sure if I am holding some food/ barbecue or intend to cook it. The teen boys of some houses are out already- break of dawn? I say- “There’d be no sleeping anymore”. It seems this place is near a beach (?) Brian’s presence is felt (?) I hear from Gam some houses here are rented at P2, 500 per day (?) or is it the house we’re renting- unsure which. In the house that we rent, there seem to be these girls (that belong to our group) lying on a bed. There’s a young boy who reports to us some guys would jerk off/ masturbate on these girls- hiding their thing with a newspaper folded in half. He’d point to a young man as one of those who jerk-off on these girls (two girls). Guy #2 seems to even come near us/ near the bed? Don’t know who the girls are. Not sure if it pleases me to hear about the jerking off. I could help them do the jerking off or something-
- I am in a CR- dressing up- public CR. My white rubber shoes/ sneakers/ under or on one side while I groom at the mirror. Two young guys enter- Chinese-looking guys. Some other guys come in and go- only the two Chinese guys are left, watching me do my thing. I see myself wear my pants- beige/ khaki pants. I fix/ flatened the waist band of my pants and notice I am slim/ slim waist/ sexy. I am without a shirt on- sort of flirting? Later, as I sit down (?) to wear my shoes, I glance at the mirror and get surprised with my hair-do- spiky/ pointed on the left with gel and combed down, right side, parted in the middle. Thick hair? It seems the Chinese guy/ one of them fixes my hair (like theirs?)/ like young guys’ . Says one of them- “EXPECUTE”- two words- “EXPERIMENT” and “EXECUTE”- “EXPECUTE”? It looks great. Seems I am not that young but not as old as I am (now at 50, balding shaved head). The two words could also be experience and experiment.
APRIL 6, 2004 – VOL. 19
- I am on Rizal St. – with Lorna. Hazy – From where we are, I’d see under something / small table?, The _________ cordless phone (beige) and gameboard infront of Hernando’s clinic / near the Meralco post. The gameboard comes from Olan that he gives away to Lorna. I get the cordless phone and the gameboard. I have to lean / lower my body to get them. There are rolling balls inside / under the gameboard. Don’t know where I place them – in a safe place / Nanay’s house (?) – Earlier, I think / say the phone might get lost – From Nanay’s house going towards (front) of Rizal’s Shrine, right outside / front of the right of way, is a pingpong table that Lorna asks from someone / my relative? That she intends to bring to the boarding house – perhaps for her kids (Jaymee et al). I see the table and its base – It seems Lorna has a way of transporting this table to Manila. Now, almost fronting Rizal Shrine, I’d see a small makeshift carinderia selling sweet banana and other stuffs – I want to buy sweet banana with ice. But I’d see Nanay lined up, too, to buy – I’d hear her say to the lady tindera, “Oh” – because she’s already getting the stuff she’s buying for herself - To the carinderia’s left (facing it) is a rubble of sort – The road infront of Rizal Shrine is being built / constructed(?) / repaired (?) – I go to another side of the road / across – I forget the next scenes – I remember walking back to the right of way – There, I’d see / or Rennie would see me as I go enter the front door of the Old House facing Nanay’s front door (old set up). Rennie stares at me, intently – I am out / inside the Old House closing the door / about to close the door . Earlier, before I get to the door / almost front of the door, he asks - “Okay na?” – to know everything’s okay with me – THAT THIS “MISSION STUFF” IS ALREADY ABANDONED BY ME AND FORGOTTEN – as he thinks I am doing okay as I walk towards the Old House door. I seem to be slim – casually dressed. About to close the door, I’d say to him (in response to his question) “HANGGA’T HINDI NAWAWALA ANG BAHAY NA ITO (OLD HOUSE) AT BAHAY NI NANAY” – meaning, I WON’T STOP . Rennie gets disappointed / is aghast with my placid response – cold and brave-to-the-death-“careless” response to his being-concerned- about-me- question – On my mind, I say to myself, confidently, “Kung mawawala” I see Rennie get to his bicycle. He makes a turn around of sort and heads home / interior part of looban disgusted over my acidic response. I go (up the stairs) to the 2nd floor of the Old House – and see the ALTAR TABLE messy and positioned almost near the (not so) mirador - just not the usual position – Nick is present / comes upstairs behind me? Eric’s presence is felt. I suspect Nick and others (?), Ray? have a drinking session – I remove the mess on top of the altar table – I see a letter on the right side of the table perhaps written by Ray – It says-“JESSICA IS COMING? TO ___?_____”. I forget the rest – On my mind, could it be “JESSICA SO KWENG” (Sleeptalk). Nick sort of says something to this effect that “may ginagawa …” I forget what he says. I say to Nick “ Pinababayaan mo rin ang table” something like this – I fear for awhile the top of the table is sort of scratched, no longer smooth on the surface – as I say to myself it can be repolished or something to bring back its even and smooth surface. Earlier, when I see Nanay lined-up at the carinderia (few customers only, 2-3), I walk away, but say to myself, Nanay would be “very lucky” sometime/ someday when my mission is fulfilled – something like this. Her little sacrifices and hardships in money matters will be replaced by some stroke of luck – Earlier Rennie seems to have his legs intact. Lorna seems to be in the dining area – when I clean-up the messy altar table.
APRIL 9, 2004 – VOL. 19
- Recalled Portion Only – Bel and I talk on the phone earlier – about meeting her? somewhere – perhaps in Laguna?(not given) – Am in my car about to leave for somewhere – Bel and Alma arrive – Bel thinks I want her to come to my place ? / to wherever I’d go – She wears shorts (soft, thin fabric where her panty can be seen)- outline of her underwear can be seen. On my mind, she’d be the first one to come (along with Alma) to that place (my house?) Not sure where – Talakay – unfamiliar place / house – At the dining area are Gam, Bel and others waiting for Grace, a chinky-eyed girl and me to join them – There’s my book that Grace (?) holds which this chinky-eyed girl (looking like Fe (?) Boyet’s ex-wife – not sure / not given) gets from her and writes something at the last pages / pages after my dreams – She writes a message to me – perhaps thanking me and saying goodbye – I take a glimpse behind her as she writes on my notebook – Grace whispers “Aalis na yan” / di na aatend ng Talakay – something like this – She is a member of the flock. She is very familiar to me – I know her – Gam observes us – He stares at this chinky-eyed girl – It seems she works for Gam at the shop? Next scene, am lying on the bench or on our seat. I would look at the chinky-eyed girl standing above me (my right) Later, she’s the one lying down on the seat while I face her, sort of nurse her – as she apologizes (sort of) to me about her planned - walk out / non-appearance on the next Talakay – I’d caress her face –saying this line “You can always come back– kilala mo naman ako -Tingnan mo nga sila Niño, Oliver (et al?) – (2nd thought) – hangga’t wala pa”– Si Niño – perhaps – si Oliver (2nd thought) – I don’t know – “hangga’t wala pa bumalik ka lang” – Something like this. Gam and the rest are eating now – I look behind me to see if Grace is still seated – She’s gone now – perhaps joins Gam and the rest – I ask the chinky-eyed girl where she lives – “Iglesia ni Cristo,” says she. “Sa may St. John?” I ask. “Hindi”, says she. She mentions a street (I forget) – I ask again – “Saan yan?” “Batanes” , she answers – not sure if it is Batanes (sounds like) but the place she mentions is very far – And that she has a husband and a baby – She mentions that surely the baby would be happy she can now attend attend to it. While she says this, I REALIZE / THINK OF HOW OUR EARTHLY NEEDS COULD BE A “STUMBLING BLOCK” TO THE MISSION - Hazy
APRIL 10, 2004 – VOL.19
- Recalled Portion Only – Hazy – Finding myself on the set of Charlene Gonzalez’ show – Show is on – though it looks atypical of TV show sets. Charlene’s seated right infront of an open door. Come the two sons of Charlene’s- Alfonso, (tisoy with a slight moustache, about 5-6 yrs of age) sits right next to me (to my right) and Edriel (?) far right (near corner wall). I think Charlene introduces her two sons to me? Unsure of this – A scene I ask something to Alfonso in English (I forget my question). It takes time for Alfonso to answer – He answers in Tagalog (He’s the not-so-bright one between the two sons). He nestles himself on my legs as he answers my question. Edriel, (?) the bright one, answers in English – (dark skin / brown skin boy). I see the man infront of me (seated) is the boys’ driver. He butts in – something about the two boys. A scene where a man sits between Alfonso (?)and me or just sits to my right. This man sort of covers me from Charlene’s sight and vice versa. Fearing I won’t be focused on the screen – but then again, I know that each and every guest is being focused by the camera. A scene I ask one question about Charlene’s life – something like her career and her private life as a wife. She smiles and answers this question – I forget the question and the answer. Another scene where Alfonso talks to me – I ask what his grown hair on his upper lip is for – as he seems older looking with it, I say to him. Now, he seems to be in his pre-teens. He invites me to go to Biñan “again” – maybe buy some teen’s stuffs. Edriel (not sure of this name since upon hearing it I mince it on my lips and repeat the same) stands up to my left – also looking like a grown-up teen-age. He clowns around as he answers / says what Alfonso does one time in Binan? Unsure of what he says – On my mind, what if Aga and Charlene find out Alfonso is with me in Binan? – or how does Alfonso go to Biñan? – surely with a driver. The idea isn’t feasible. Being on Charlene’s show would enable me to have some sort of publicity. Some folks who know me and my derailed Mission would somehow think something is happening to the Mission – That being on TV could mean the Mission goes somewhere – though I do not mention about the Mission or the Teachings – perhaps one time I will. Am wearing my white, wide on the neck, shirt (everyday shirt) and white pants (or so I feel I wear white pants) my Talakay uniform. Just being seen on TV would be such a mileage for me and the Mission? Something like this – A scene Charlene reprimands Alfonso about something – I find myself in an awkward situation. Charlene stands before me as Alfonso sits to my right. I walk off – go downstairs – and find the exit or something like an exit through Lintag’s clinic (that’s where I exit though it has stairs in it). Outside seems like Rizal St. (infront of Nanay’s house). I see some people on the right of way standing – Hazy – In the studio?, seems like/ looks like Nanay’s house? Unsure whether it is a studio or not –
APRIL 19, 2004 –VOL. 19
THAT I WILL “EAT?” MYSELF THREE (3) TIMES- unsure of the word “EAT”.
APRIL 20, 2004 –VOL. 19
Recalled Portion Only – Hazy – Gam and I standing on the side of a road Down below us as if we’re on a bayside (?) Hazy – Oliver doesn’t get off the taxi and just waits there. I go near the taxi – Am well-dressed wearing leather shoes. I am knocking at the window of the taxi so Oliver would know it’s me. All I see inside the taxi is some sort of cloth / blanket / clothes laid / sprawled on the seat, as if Oliver is lying down and covered by this cloth (?). Farther down (behind the car) at the back of the car (left side), I’d see some people – fishing? Looks like a lagoon or a river. I see penguins walking toward me – a group of small (and not so big ones) penguins – They go past me – I see the last ones as looking sick (with some feathers lacking on some areas of their bodies) / small penguins) – Looking at the penguins go past me – their backs to me – I see some big ones wearing blue shirts / costumes. On my mind, FILIPINOS HANDLING THIS AREA WOULD ALSO DRESS UP THESE PENGUINS (some of them). I wonder if they can be eaten – as there are so many of them what do they do with them. SUDDENLY, I SEE SOME SORT OF A BIG PENGUIN POSTER (?) OR AN EFFIGY BEING BURNED – I walk further inside the area. I see people seated / lined up, seated eating. Filipinos come here to have a good time. I see further left some other people seated. I go further in (?) / behind this line-up of people – a seashore of sort.There’s a tall building (its back to me). It’s a familiar building. Behind the building is the seashore (?) A scene where I see myself wearing long, white socks up to my knees – (and rubber shoes) I guess it looks ok ? LOOKING LIKE A PRINCE (?) WEARING (IN ENGLAND ) THIS LONG KIND OF SOCKS IS A FAMILIAR SIGHT?) / LOOKING PRINCELY WITH THE SOCKS – something like this. SEEING THE PENGUINS, I SAY TO MYSELF, WE HAVE THIS SET-UP, TOO, IN THE PHILIPPINES – (PENGUINS). Only this place looks – unpreserved (and dirty). The site where people sit on seems like a rocky area. Going to Oliver’s taxi, I walk upon a somewhat wet ground – part of the sea / river – or a bit worried if my shoes will get dirtied by the mud – But they don’t.
APRIL 21, 2004 – VOL. 19
- Hazy – I forget the rest of the dream. I see myself seated / slumped? on the floor. Am leaning (?) against some cabinets? / kitchen area? (Not given). There’s someone holding something in his hand (a book?) (Not given). He lets the stuff he holds touch my face – A “SCHOOL OF CHANGE” it is – A SCHOOL OF CHANGE – THAT IT’S GOOD? THIS IS A SCHOOL OF CHANGE? very unsure of the last statement.
APRIL 22, 2004 – VOL. 19
Hazy- Recalled portion only- There’s a man rushing to the CR- beautiful CR. There’s someone/ a reporter? (not sure of this) running after him. He takes a leak. It’ll be me taking a leak. Walking away- walking- I say to the one stalking (?)/ running after me- “DON’T JEOPARDIZE ___?____!”.
APRIL 26, 2004 – VOL. 19
- I see the words “TRAVESTY FAVOR” on a jeep/ top of a jeep.
MAY 7, 2004 – VOL. 20
- A huge Church that I think of rebuilding?/ restore part of it- the Altar area?/ a certain area. I wrap some things up using some method- “OKOY”? I wonder what first thing to do- but I seem to know what it is. An interior part of this Church is what I wish to restore/ re-do. Nolan runs to the left side of the Church when he hears of something. He calls me. I follow. The path leading to him seems like a dumped area (but not) of destroyed/ removed stuffs from of the Church’s interior? Unsure of this. Some familiar wooden boards are used/ placed on this fragile stuffs to step on. It seems dangerous where Nolan is as my feet/ foot could just go right through despite these wooden boards positioned on top of these dumped stuffs. I back out and return to the Church. I think I hear what Nolan hears and follows- someone/ a vendor selling/ shouting- “OKOY”? I seem to be doing a wrapping of stuffs in the Church in the same way wrapping an “OKOY” a la “turon”- big rolls of stuffs in the Church? using the same principle as the “OKOY”.
MAY 9, 2004 – VOL. 20
- Weird – Hazy – Seems like a foreign movie – sort of a mountain area where there’s a couple (foreigners?) with a baby with a piece of cloth wrapped around him. The woman sort of inserts? this baby inside something – The husband goes away – There’s a strange man who comes and kills? this woman / wife – I forget the rest – He runs away? – Next scene, the husband and I in pursuit? of this man. It seems like the place where the couple and their baby are- infront of Onggay’s house? (or so it seems). The husband and I reach the front door of the Old House. It’s padlocked. The husband has a gun in his hand. He gives it to me or I get it from him – and the thought of shooting the padlocked door open gives me so much satisfaction / happiness. I raise both my hands? Or just my right hand holding the gun and say (as if this is a movie / TV show being shot/ filmed) I am aware of it that I can be seen / watched by my flock / relatives. “TO ALL MY FRIENDS / FLOCK AND RELATIVES” (some sort of vindication / dedication), I start shooting at the padlock and see some holes in them (the doors) – Don’t know if the husband shoots at the doors first – He comes towards me and say the bullets are blank. But the door opens – It is Joe R. who opens it – It is he who kills the wife – Yet he smiles as he meets us and the husband seems to know him – Joe also has a gun in his hand. Inside the Old House (entering the doors), am to lock the doors inside. I get the padlock hanging outside the door as we are inside now. As I get the padlock with my hand, I see a man peek through a hole in the wall that separates Digo’s house from Nanay’s house (garage area as if Nick’s house isn’t there) – I ask my companions / the husband – “Did you see the man?” (Referring to the one who peeks / hides / disappears). Looking again, he peeks once again and I see him. I guess this husband doesn’t see him at all (unsure of this). The door is padlocked inside. Suddenly, there’s a woman with us now near the window area (stairs) left window as you climb the stairs – She says something like “It’s not safe here.” I say “nakapadlock nga wala naming grills mga windows.” – We go up. I see Gam seated, perhaps, on a pasimano / on the window pane. He says, softly, not to talk to him of sort – In a way, I would reveal or he would ? that this is just an act or a show?- Not to provoke him, he may say something out of the script (not given). I get his point – I walk towards the Master’s bedroom and see some old pictures / newspaper cut-outs of old pictures in the 60’s or earlier years. These pictures are posted on the wall facing Rizal St. (with the picture of angels before) (windows facing Rizal St.). There are only a few pictures (on the pillar (left) and the wall. There’s a picture / newspaper cut-out which has Jesus? In it and a writing / dedication – a question of sort (something like this – “BELIVA ? BELIVETH? (Several words with the word MA (MANG-AALIW). The people working on this film? or show? set up the Old House / present the Old House differently or at least the few pictures on the wall. Entering the Master’s bedroom, I see Brian seated on the floor, left side as I enter the door , playing cards? Though in the dream, I know him, I deliver? / say the line “Sino ka?” I think he asks the same – standing up – his back to the wall with the pictures – “Sino ka?” – I correct it by putting “Po, Po” . “Sino po kayo?”(because I know him) but I would act as if I don’t. Earlier, seeing Gam, I sort of remind him with my hand gesture that this is where the __?___ I stop ______would be referring to the Sleeptalk posted on the wall. – This is where Gam reminds me not to start him off with anything that’s the “real situation” that we know this Old House since this is a film of sorts / it is being filmed?) – That he may spill the beans. It is an act – He’s acting that he doesn’t know anything as I must also – and so I walk on towards the Master’s bedroom pretending I don’t know Brian and this place – I look out of the window / or just take a peek out – the windows facing Nanay’s house – I see some 60’s cars coming out toward the Rizal St. – to project a period of time – consistent with the 60’s pictures on the wall. – I forget the rest of the dream. The writing or the Jesus picture only sort of asks “IF YOU BELIEVE IN MA (MANG-AALW)” Something like this -
- Am infront of a small? Church / chapel talking / arguing with a man who has about 7-9 people behind him – don’t know what we’re talking about – then I go inside the chapel / or he lets me in / agrees? to let me in – There are people seated on the rows of seats ( the usual big benches in churches). I tell the man to bring the men behind him to come inside and join in. I go to the altar table / infront of the altar facing the audience / people / church goers – not really a big crowd. I think it’s only the last rows that have people or men. I go to the CR first to pee. Peeing, I see some holes on the wall as if purposely done – several small holes and a bigger one. Am wearing a white shirt. I remove it / or am without a shirt first and would wear my white shirt on me. I step out of the CR putting on my shirt – but it’s inverted and remove it again. The man I speak to infront of the chapel comes in. Conversation – I say to him something like this – or is it only on my mind, “YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU INVITE” – something like this. Am to speak before the audience / chapel goers. Next scene, I see am seated along with Gardo Versoza. There’s another to Gardo’s right. I stare / look at Gardo’s hair – nice (back hair). I ask him if he doesn’t have movies to shoot. He says he doesn’t know if he has something to promote. He answers, “Ewan ko dun.” (referring perhaps to his manager) when asked if he has no shooting sked -
- I see one of my foot (left) sort of being part of a tree trunk bearing leaves and a fruit (?) (Unsure of this) Hazy – My foot grows? With the tree trunk - something like this. I think am afraid that Gam would touch the fruit? Or something – I sort of stop him from doing so -
MAY 12, 2004 –VOL. 20
- Am on the stairs seated with Tim. From where we are, I can see the 2nd floor CR where I see a man standing outside it and Nolan coming out of it (CR) and stands by the door (outside) of the CR. I, instead of climbing up the stairs to get to the 2nd floor, hold on to the pasimano of the wall outlining the entire stairs on the 2nd floor and lift my entire body up to get to the 2nd floor – Walking towards the CR, I, undeliberately, leave my slippers – don’t know if I get back for my slippers after or before confronting Nolan. I see one of the slippers is broken – I still wear them, I confront Nolan – asking him what he’s doing in and out of the CR. I think I hit him on the shoulder out of anger. He makes excuses / justifications / alibis. I forget what he says – Next scene, at a carnival, Xmas time – The carnival is adorned with Xmas decorations – Am walking and enjoying the sights. I go to where a particular activity / performance is being held and some people watch – I see three young, stocky male performers standing at first and then, falling face down to the ground – Can’t remember if they do crawl to a certain spot (calculated movement to reach a dug area the size of a half-face / half-face deep – where they fall- their bodies or face down – the face falling right through this dug hole – or that they tumble, feet up backward? – can’t explain – This act is done 2x until you’d see them already wearing their costumes little by little as they crawl / tumble, they wear their costumes – till finally they’re already dressed up / wearing their costumes. Don’t know what they look like – lying down – LIKE THE FACE OF A MONKEY? (lika a gift in a box with their face shown). Not sure of this – As I stare at them (two men) lying down with their costumes already worn, I see what seems like the OUTLINE OF THE MALE PENIS starting from the stomach / navel. Right above these two lying-on-the-ground men are Nolan and myself watching their performance – I point to these seeming outlines on the men’s abdomen that lead to their penises – I’d see myself wearing a white long sleeve polo shirt – loose on the hand area (not that loose) long on the hand area. (lampas) – Nice long sleeves – sort of hard material. Nolan points to a guy in the crowd? whose hair is with gel? He says he’d like to do that hairstyle / or to put on some gel on his hair. I get pissed with his disconcern over his hair – or over his vanity? When I look again, it’s already Tim am reprimanding – over what is given in my head that he wants to wear a particular shirt / clothes (like the guy) Nolan sees / or Tim now sees. I get pissed as well – I say to him “Ikaw talaga…” I SEE BOTH IN NOLAN AND TIM THE “OUTSIDE WORLD” – THE WORLD IN THEM – THE WAYS AND THOUGHTS OF AN ORDINARY MAN / GAY. With Nolan, noticing a guy’s hairstyle, it occurs to me that should I feel a need to forget him (if he leaves / or I lose him to the world), I need to and that I will. I query as to why this should happen – a void – perhaps to give way to Nino’s emergence / return – just a thought in the dream – or that perhaps, it will be easier to entertain other men in Nolan’s absence. With Tim, before he notices the guy’s outfit or before I say “Ikaw talaga,” I do a little dance movement in lieu of my wonderful white long sleeved shirt. I feel great in it – or so I think / feel. On my mind, the crowd (from a distance, not so far) must be seeing me do this small dance groove. Nolan and Tim sit on a pasimano while I stand.The outline leading to the men’s penises could be starting below the navel – just above the penis? Small dug-holes fitted only for the head / face so their faces will not fall flat on the ground.There’s a man standing far front of the 2 lying men / performers who guides me on what to do – He asks the 2 men to rise up after the sequence of falling face down and slipping into this costume –
- A scene, I play guitar dabbling some guitar chords (A, B, A flat?) – Am composing a song – Some of the lyrics, first line of the lyrics – “It’s a hot, hot baby?” I change “it” to “she” – “She’s a hot, hot baby” – I like this melody. The last chord that I play is a “diminish” chord which I find hard to do among guitar chords – but I do it correctly? in this dream – Surely, I think it will sound just like any contemporary / modern songs nowadays.
TRIVIA:
Elvis is KING Of Rock and Roll. Jesus is KING of all kings.
MAY 17, 2004 –VOL. 20
Hazy beginning – It’s about Jesus? or the actor who plays Jesus (Jim Caviezel) in “The Passion of Christ” – Location is in a sort of ruin? But could also be just an old house. Can’t recall much – but it seems Jesus? / Jim in a Jesus’ role or just another movie and another role that resembles the Jesus’ role (not sure of this probability) – He is in this place where parts of his “skeleton” / his bones he picks up and gathers together and he sort of “transforms” into it (his skeleton) or that the bones slowly transform into him – It’s hard for me to explain – It’s like a movie. Three teen boys arrive at the place and seem to hurt him / Jesus? down. Jesus? moves around / hides from them carrying parts of his skeleton / bones. He’s always found by these teens who carry big sticks – or just one of them does. A scene where Jesus? hides under what seems like a bed. He would pick up first 2 bones – seem like thigh bones and another smaller but quite bulky bone. He lays them beside him. The boys (2) behind the wall know Jesus? is under the bed – But the wall with designed holes blocks their path? so one of them inserts his long stick through the wall hole and tries to reach for / search for Jesus – using the stick.The other boy behind the boy with a stick says if his stick touches Jesus’ body, it’s (the stick) their guide to shoot at him – They have a gun or will get a gun – A scene where Jesus (lying down under the bed / on the floor under the bed) looks up – only his eyes looking up at the side top – I see his face and eyes are those of Jim Caviezel’s – He seems to wear a long caftan (usual Jesus’ attire). His supposed merging / transformation with the bones is halted by these boys – or perhaps it does transpire. Can’t be so sure. Don’t know if Jesus transfers to another hiding place. Suddenly, I wake up? – Hearing Tim sleeptalking –
Tim’s Sleeptalk: MAY 17, 2004- Vol. 20
“Yung isang ulo / scalp benditado I sleep again and the dream continues. Jesus picks up something from the head of a foreign-looking / foreign young man lying on the floor.This foreigner young man shouts – as the top of his head or something on top of his head / a scalp or something – THIS TOPMOST PART OF A SKULL IS PULLED AWAY? BY JESUS / JIM AND HE SHOUTS – THAT’S WHEN REALIZE THATS THE “BENDITADO” SCALP / ULO TIM MENTIONS IN HIS SLEEPTALK. Next scene, Jesus seems to be lying on the air a few inches from the ground as he waits, whispers to the boy (with stick earlier) to jump off from where he is to land on top of Jesus’ body. And the boy does – He is on top of Jesus? / Jim’s body. And Jesus? kisses him on the mouth – passionate kissing as they sort of fly – float while they kiss still - It seems there are other top- skulls (cut in the forehead / brain area up to the back) which are not blessed. A scene where I see the old house (not necessarily our old house) burning – a part of it. A part of the house seems eerie / scary – with some steel bars? standing – something like steel having stands (in disarray). Seeing Jesus / Jim and the teen boy kissing, I wonder what people will say upon seeing them kiss – I guess it doesn’t matter to Jesus / Jim. A scene where one of the boys (the boy with stick) awaits / waits for Jesus / Jim to surface from behind a wall – as he will shoot him? He says if a color blue (since Jesus / Jim’s eyes are blue) comes out he’ll shoot? / fire away – something like this. Behind the wall is where the boy / boys wait for Jesus to appear – as his blue eyes would be the boys’ signal – something they see as “blue.” They have something on the face of the wall (fronting them) that’s colored / painted blue color spot and another color which the boys mention as their sign / signal, too, to fire away? I think Jesus / Jim appears from behind the wall but I don’t see the boys fire away? I don’t see them with a gun – perhaps they’ll use only the stick. Jesus? / Jim dream – The lined area / skull top – perhaps this foreign looking man positions his head under this skull top that’s “blessed” / benditado. He shouts perhaps because this “blessed” skull causes him to die? Jesus? / Jim pulls off the skull top – tearing the foreign man’s skin? From the brows up or so I think the skin is pulled off – I do not see the skull top removed - but the idea is to get the blessed skull top –
Tim’s second Sleeptalk: MAY 17, 2004- Vol. 20
“Yung/ Yang Gym?/ Jim kailangan/ kalian kayo/ kaya/ mag-stop?/ start”- something like this.
MAY 17, 2004 –VOL. 20
- what’s with the skull top (and skull mark on the slippers) anyway? (conscious query) and the “V sign” on the paper and the slippers cut with “V sign”. At the fastfood (not sure if it’s Jollibee) I resent getting the guy’s slippers – I could walk barefooted and just buy slippers outside
Trivia:
The letter "V" is Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command?
The letter "V" is Vrillon of the Ashtar Galactic Command?
- A scene with Ariel Rivera and Gelli de Belen together (abroad – in the same place where I am?) being interviewed. The question why they are here. Gelli answers first. Ariel butts in – They are beside each other. They exchange views – regarding their past relationship – one year? (not sure of 1 year relationship). Gelli says “Sana lang ipinasyal / ___?___ mo ako isang buong 1 year?” something like this. Gelli’s shirt / sleeveless blouse is infested with ants. She just brushes off the ants with one hand – not bothered at all. Some of the ants seem dead? She giggles with Ariel. On my mind, I think of Gelli as Ariel”s past / former paramour in the dream – And that they are here for a concert – Earlier, walking around the building for my slippers, I see the sign “ ITALY ” – that I am in Italy. I see Gelli caress Ariel’s shirt (chest area) without malice – as they tease / recall the year they’re together / steadies.
JUNE 2, 2004 – VOL.20
- Yesterday- Today LASIR. Nanay calling out for me through Jee/ calling Jee to remind me of yesterday- today LASIR. I am inside a house (as if the Old House, not given)- just a presumption or a comparison- where Nanay is (in her house) calling out Jee to remind me of YESTERDAY TODAY LASIR- something like this. “LASIR” is “LAZIR”
- Thought or dream?- Nolan and I standing on the side of a road. We see an approaching van/ vehicle. Its plate has this word- “PHOPEACE”- as if to mean that Purita comes/ calls/ helps?- not sure.
JUNE 5, 2004 – VOL.20
- In a crowded theatre, am about to “gimmick” a guy – I AM REMINDED THAT I’D BREAK MY VOW OF CHASTITY WITH OTHER MEN (NEVER TO DO WITH OTHER MEN)
JUNE 8, 2004 – VOL. 20
-It is given I will die in the nearest time – Dream? Or thought?
JUNE 12, 2004 –VOL. 20
- On board a bus heading south. A scene I remove my sandals / slippers and put them on the right side of my seat (under) Almost behind my seat, I see an opening / window of sort (under). Initially, I plan to put my sandals there but I fear they’ll fall off the bus because of this opening / window. I feel the wind from that opening. My feet feel comfortable without my sandals – To my left, the seat is empty. There’s a white shirt on it. I remember, earlier, informing Tim and Nolan that I’d go to this province (?) – And I do leave after telling them. On board the bus, I realize I do not bring my sleeping pills and other medicines (and stuffs) and so I hesitate to pursue this trip – Surely, I think? I travel only a short distance (just Pansol perhaps). I get off the bus. I see a theatre with its sign / neon sign lit (lights on the side of the sign). I say to myself I know I can’t go to theatres like this anymore. Across, I see a carinderia selling lumpiang sariwa – I go there – I see two women washing clothes beside the table where the lumpia are – (seating position). One woman says something (?). They remove their batyas and this woman who says something, earlier, gets a piece of rug and wipes something. I wish she’d wash her hands after touching this “dirty” rug – for she’ll be the one preparing the lumpia I’d eat. I ask what place this is (town or province) Someone says “SAUL” – I ask “Where is this Saul?” What province am I in? This woman says she doesn’t know. I ask again – One guy inside the kitchen – who’d answer, annoyed that they don’t know – I shut my mouth – fearful of this guy / man – I FEEL PITY ON MYSELF – (BEING MESSIAH?) THAT MAN CAN JUST YELL, MANHANDLE, HUMILIATE ME – AND I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT – This guy comes out and another man (the first guy who gets annoyed with my questionings, I think I drink water from the water jug located on the left side of the store – I stare outside trying to figure out where I am – There’s a man who walks towards my direction – He looks nerdish - am about to ask him but I change my mind – I realize or someone tells me that I already travel for 3 hours? (unsure exactly how long) and that, going back home will take a while – It occurs to me I have a Talakay this Sunday – How on earth do I not think / remember this Sunday Talakay which is a day or two days from now (the time I decide to go south). A scene where perhaps I call / text Bel’s group? Unsure how I know something about Jee, Bel and Yi – Something is said about Jee, Bel and Yi – I just can’t remember – Earlier, I’d plan to go back home to get my medicines / sleeping pills and then proceed again to the South – but then perhaps I could also postpone it. 3 hours or more – 6 hours? Traveling?
JUNE 16, 2004 – VOL. 20
Hazy – walking on a quite busy? street - bending as I tie a bundle of “walis tingting” together with a long piece of fiber?A man comes – do I seek help from him? I say (as if am a woman, unsure of this) “ONE DOES NOT GAIN ANYTHING WHEN ONE LOSES A DOG.” The other guy says – “One loses ____?____ everything?when one does lose the dog” (something like this) Unsure of the 2nd statement) As if I have intents of returning a dog?
- A scene don’t know if the 3 short dreams are just in 1 dream. – Same location? I walk and see theatres – am about to enter one but am reminded that if I do (I remind myself) I could just let go and forget my vow – I don’t go – 3rd run theatres -
JUNE 16, 2004 – VOL. 20
- Recalled Portion Only – In a mall? with Purita and others. They head for the 2nd floor while Nolan and I decide to go out of the mall to buy some softdrink . Nolan goes ahead – I follow. I see a small store already closing / almost closed. I order for COKE – The girl gets the small bottle of COKE – I say the bigger one – I’d see she pours from one glass / cup filled with COKE to another glass / cup of COKE – as if blending the COKE she’s to give me with an old COKE from another glass – She says to make the taste better or to meet the actual taste of COKE (matabang daw) something like this. I ask if the SPRITE? that I see in the ice box / bottle containers / freezer tastes the same. She says no – I opt for Sprite. For one thing, Nolan likes it, too. Earlier, as she gets the bottle of Coke, am to say to the girl to put it (content of every / each bottle to a small plastic bag) so I could give some Coke in plastic to Ody et al – Nolan’s not with me in the store? We are to watch a movie?
Complicated dream? Bits and pieces only- There seems to be an issue about a certain policeman who does something not good to me? A policeman related to Ate Toying (thus, somehow related to me) hand over to me four (4) .45 caliber? guns/pistols wrapped in a thin brown supot? and another one that he puts in my pocket or do I put it in my pocket? I get panicky what with the guns I have with me- I intend to gret rid of them. Walking in a hurry/ downtown strip, I search for a place to throw these guns away. I carry the supot of four guns in my right hand- trying to look casual? about the stuff am carrying- embracing the supot even. Suddenly, a bullet? in the brown bag/ supot or one of the guns goes off/ bullet explodes. I think I let go?/ or throw the suppot away/ or just slips off my hand. It creates such a furor- There are now policemen around. Earlier, I realize there’s abullet inside my pocket (right pant pocket). Do I put this bullet in the supot? unsure of this- Hurriedly, I walk away from the scene, meeting some policemen along the way- in every turn. It seems like a foreign place- and the policemen looking like foreign policemen (uniformed)-unsure of this. Downtown is as clean as in foreign movies. I see a tunnel-like pathway with an open roof (with trellis-like roof). I see Menggie Jee’s sister, there at the entrance of the tunnel. It would be that it’s where they make “worship”/ “samba”. She’s Muslim? now- I go inside this tunnel and find Menggie’s sister? (don’t know who she is) at the end of this place/ dead-end- seated? I am at a loss where to junk the gun in my pocket. I check out the roof- no place to throw or hide the gun. Out, I go- Next scene, am in room with a woman- small rented rooms at a corridor. Enters this policeman who gives me the guns earlier. In an earlier scene, I am headed to this policeman’s station, downtown area to mention the guns. Accidentally, the bullet/ gun explodes- thus, this dilemma on what to do with the guns. I’d explain the turn of events to him later, I say to myself earlier. Now, he’s infront of me and I relate to him what happens. I tell him I don’t mean it to happen that way- “Hindi ko sinasadya”. There’s a scene at the corridor where a woman? (foreign looking) slowly opens the door of the first room (small rooms a la “entresuelo” rooms/ very cheap motel rooms) and finds no one there. It would come to me that the woman staying in the first room is in my room and hears all the story I tell the policeman- relative of ours. She is in the closet. This policeman relative drags this woman- don’t know what he does to her. Another scene, I open a room and find a woman with me in the room is now preparing to pack-up and leave. It would be that she’s my wife? The policeman relative would tell her to pack-up. On my mind, with all the stuffs in the room, how can she ever carry them/ pack them all up? I sort of kiss her?/ pacify her?- and that the policeman relative and the woman in the closet are husband and wife?Weird- They , too, are packing-up?- not sure of this. A scene with this policeman’s wife as I go to her and we go out to what seems like an open veranda?/ bridge? She tells me “KAYA MO YAN”? when I say “SORRY” to her. On my mind, “Alin ang kaya ko”- to be imprisoned once apprehended for carrying unlicensed firearm/ guns or whatever- I think she says “Kaya mo yan” twice. Another scene where the policeman is just outside my room and his wife (woman I talk to at the veranda) asks him about the diamond of her ring that’s missing. The policeman says “It’s alright”- He has it/ he plucks it out of the ring. She goes back to her room, pissed. I’d think of it as the policeman’s hold on his wife not to flee. Now, this policeman becomes the gorgeous actor in “Knots Landing” and I am another foreign actor. We are supposed to be good friends in this dream- and as we come close to one another, we embrace and kiss in the mouth, passionately. I say to him, in the place? We are to go to/ hide away?- that I want for us to have a “honeymoon” of sorts. The Knots Landing actor is looking younger. His kisses are so sweet- I could feel his beautiful body against mine. We are both goodlooking here. Earlier, downtown area, I’d see a man with two women friends walking. The man has a gun on his waist, hanging like a cellphone. I guess he must have a licence for it. On my mind, it scares me to be caught with unlicensed guns. I could go to jail for this.
JUNE 18, 2004 – VOL. 21
Am watching the last episode of “Sana’y Wala ng Wakas” where Jericho Rosales performs – sings – has some sort of an umbrella-type gadget attached to his back – Air is pumped into the umbrella-type (but not – more of saklob) stuff and he is lifted to the air. I see part of the audience applauding Jericho (sort of) – enjoying the concert. Next scene, I am with Kristine Hermosa – pensive. I tell her that I know how the series ends. She walks off and heads for the counter (ABS-CBN) where she is to ask them what happens to the last episode – While walking, I follow her and say I know how it ends. She snarls at me – “Na naman?” sarcastically – Someone at the counter informs her – She leaves – I see a red cell phone which I think of as my cell – I see someone behind the counter. I grab the cell, it falls to the floor – I pick it up. I realize it’s a smaller red cell and not mine, but the station’s. But then, I say to myself, I AM JERICHO ROSALES (Christian to the series) – I am supposed to own the company, so I can run off with this cell so I can text Kristine to get / come back for me – since she takes my car – It’s my car she and her companions bring. I text her to come back – or so I just sort of touch the keypad to “motion” / act out I do text / send her messages – in a hurried effort to make her come back for me / fetch me. I have no ride home. I reach the big gate of the station – I see a guard behind me, walks ahead of me. There’s a man who’d crawl under the gate which has a big space under / mid-part where one can crawl out. He does get out thru the gate’s hole. Guard reaches the gate. I think of crawling out, too – but the guard opens the gate. There are people outside the gate, wanting to get in? Kristine doesn’t come back – There’s no shadow of my car. I walk – I’d just say I decide to walk home? Earlier, a scene with Tim and Kristine – A set with colored papers as design. I am seated – to my right is Tim – Kristine infront? – Pensive. I think I say to them the wisdom? I get from the series / end of the series – Or what I / they arrive at – I write it down – I remember the pentel pens we use in labeling the “Gift of God” books (blotting and all). I get one / pick up one pentel – not the color I want – It’s too light against the light pentel color of the paper – I get another – Sky Blue (?) ink – On a sky blue colored paper – I’m starting to write down these words, PAG-IBIG NA “WAKAS” / “WAGAS” – Am able to find the black ink pentel pen – I, mistakenly, write “WAKAS” but change it to “WAGAS”. There’s a smile on my lips as I look at Kristine who hurries up to ask the ABS-CBN staff – about the ending of the series – Walking home, the next scene would be that someone / Caridad Sanchez? (Not sure of Caridad) telling me that Jericho would go “home”? by taking the ship he takes at the beginning of the series where he accidentally meets Kristine and that Kristine herself would take that ship and that they’d meet again, as in the beginning of the story. There’s a wooden post to my left where I’d lean my head against / on – This person continues – She says the title of the song that’ll be sung (once the 2 meet? -not really said). Title is given (I forget now) but I’d remember it – A familiar song that Gary Valenciano will sing. I lean my head against the post- I cry. Now, I AM JERICHO AGAIN – Tears of joy? – over the knowledge of how his love story ends? – For a moment there, (scene with Kristine and Tim), I seem to “feel” / “see” Leo’s shadow / image (character played by Diether Ocampo) – Waking up from this dream, I hear the theme song of Leo and Kristine in the scenes – (neighbor’s radio) – I seem to be seated on a stair (scene with Tim and Kristine) and as I write down “Pag-ibig na wakas / wagas”. I see the paper I write these words on is damp / wet – finding it hard to write or to make clear / deep the writings / words I write down – Being Jericho again because I am now at the pier to board the ship (white-painted ship) while I lean my head against a wooden post – Unsure if am Jericho again? – I change the letter “K” from “WAKAS” to “G” for “WAGAS” – Unsure of this – At one instance, I “feel” as if am Kristine Hermosa.
JUNE 19, 2004 – VOL. 21
Bringing / driving the Mazda car up the stairs leading to our place, sala of our place. I look for Gam who must be in another area of the house. Almost inside the sala? area, I see Nanay present – I back-up the car, boldly / confidently – almost hitting the edge of the floor leading to the first stair step going down. Gam comes / appears – instructs us (Nanay and me) to drive down the car slowly – not backing up – but turn around the car, driving it head on – making the tires (front) sort of adhere to the contour of the stair steps – where Gam’s says, “Pwede pa”? or that I can drive the car right past the break (a break on the floor) – Something like this – It is that there’s an affair later that I need to go to – with Gam sort of being a recipient of the “SONS OF SAN MIGUEL” (?) award? / title or something. That I’d go a tall building with a letter “V” included in the name of the building. I can’t recall the name of the building. SOMETHING ABOUT SOLDIERS – THE THOUGHT OF FIDEL RAMOS AS PART OF IT OCCURS TO ME – Not sure of Ramos – Nice house where Gam is. Break is not of the floor – but outside – premises of the property?
JUNE 19, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Hazy – In what seems like a boarding house, am near my bed fixing my stuffs, putting some stuffs in my brown backpack. Beside my bed is another bed? (Unsure of another bed). There’s a group of young girls and a beautiful young lad talking about the Bible – Their thoughts about some misconceptions regarding some verses / symbols in the Bible – Their views (some girls) are interesting. I smile while I listen to their “searching” views – It prompts me to join them – make talakay with them – A scene I see this beautiful-faced boy who’s with these teen girls. He just looks at me as if the camera pans on him. ON MY MIND, I HAVE A NEW GROUP? OF LISTENERS?- unsure of this – Down / out of the boarding house / building (?), I see 2 familiar men. At least, one – Is it Dr. Salcedo? Not sure of this – Looking up above the sky – facing the building, storeys high?, I SEE HUGE GRAYISH SMOKE – LIKE SMOKE OUT OF AN EXPLOSION OR SOMETHING. I point to the 2 men what am looking at – “Ano ‘yun?” ask I. Dr. Salcedo? goes / heads to that direction (road behind the building?). The other street? – another area. Earlier, he would suspect a particular spot where this fire? / explosion comes from – Dr. Salcedo would say “TIP”? or another establishment (Not sure) – Unsure of “TIP” – We head toward that place – The sidewalk we’re treading on seems to be being made or that the establishments (fronting this sidewalk) on the side of the road are being renovated / constructed – There are tall wood stands / frames of a building / something being constructed block my path. Dr. Salcedo is ahead of me. Suddenly, I realize I leave my bag – thinking hard if I do leave my bag in my room. Dr. Salcedo seems to be tinkering with something – I excuse myself and ask him to wait for me. I head back to my boarding house. In my room, my bed seems different or in a different position? / A different room? Unsure – I search for my bag – open the closet, find some stuffs – blanket (Gam’s brown Baguio blanket), my beige jacket from way, way back – during my teen years? or early college days years / laid on the floor of the closet. It seems half of the closet belongs to my male roommate and half of my bed? Or beside my bed is the bed of my roommate? Looking below (on my right side) on the floor, is my brown YAMAHA bag (college days). Under my bed are some stuffs – Searching, I pray my brown backpack is there – which is. I know the brown Yamaha bag isn’t the one where I keep my stuffs in. Earlier, with the teen girls and the boy, I realize this place (boarding house) is where I have my bed and some stuffs, is a place I go to – other than my house (?) and that I should have these stuffs here when I come and stay in this place. In the room with the group of girls and a boy, I see my striped-blanket (white with striped colors – presently using) on my bed. Getting back to the boarding house room when I forget my brown bag, I see other blankets familiar to me –
JUNE 20, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Hazy- I sing on TV -as if someone ––/ a group hires / wants me to sing – Now, they are seeing me on TV and they don’t want me to sing / they stop me from singing – Something like this –
TRIVIA:
EAB not a singer, never sang on TV in real life.Tim’s Sleeptalk, June 20, 2004 Vol. 21
“Basag na” or “Nabasag na”
JUNE 21, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Don’t know where we are – Daddy, Ray (?), Tim, I and a young woman relative? (I can’t recall who) get up the bus (mini-bus?) – headed for a province? – I tell Ray to sit with Daddy, Tim to sit with the young woman, but instead sits on the next row (2 seater). The young woman sits near the window. She says, “Ma-traffic” as it seems she meets this traffic coming here (to meet us?). I see in one corner of the bus cut-part of a leg (from thigh to leg?) wrapped in newspaper. There’s blood on the newspaper. The bus proceeds to go – Bus seems “shaky”. There’d be several girls/ people who’d stand up to get off the bus. One girl I hear saying, “Aminin” to one of her friends? – As they go past me – I see this girl’s hair / scalp as if the hair is just attached to her scalp? Or so it seems –
JUNE 22, 2004 –VOL. 21
-In Hong Kong with Purita? Melyn? and others (?) – Wings are attached on the back, small wings (Not angel wings / bird wings) looking like propellers. Some fly over the ocean to touch the water? I think I have wings on my back – Can’t recall the rest.
JUNE 24, 2004 – VOL. 21
- An old classmate (college) comes – waits for me – Jean D.– She has now some small, little pimple-like things (but not pimples). Am surprised – and upon seeing her, cry on her shoulders – I SAY / FEEL AND SAY TO HER IT IS GIVEN TO ME SHE’S COMING OR AM SEEING HER ONE DAY. On my mind or does she ask me why – I’d tell her my Mission. I ask where she lives – “States” and she’s married to a Frenchman – who doesn’t give her money or anything. According to her, somebody does the “work”, to do it for her – perhaps helps her find money. That she doesn’t have money for her paper work / traveling papers? For a moment, I see Maui Taylor in her – that she’s Maui in real life? That maybe her husband knows she’s Maui – something like this. I remember her nice semi-dyed hair (Psychological? since I see Maui at the Extra Challenge show, Channel 7). Somehow, I think of her as Audrey? – not quite. Since her husband is good for nothing, I suggest she divorces him. According to her, she’s married to him for 2 years now –
-Night time? Tim, Nolan and I at a mall – Tim would talk / mention he goes to a movie alone – for some reasons, maybe Nolan gets pissed over something? (not given / specified). He decides to go watch a movie alone – We’re at the GREENHILLS MALL / theatre. He goes up to the theatre area. Tim and I behind him. From the stairs / escalator, I could see Nolan lined up for his ticket – Tim and I line up for our ticket (we’re together in another movie). Nolan’s queue / line is longer – We are now able to buy our tickets – Tim is already inside while I stay at the entrance talking to the ticket lady over something. From where I stand, I can see the screen. We’re watching the “Phantom of the Opera” – It seems this movie still has a sub-story or several parts in the story – Don’t recall what matter it is I discuss / complain about with the ticket lady who directs me to their administration office which is located mid-part of the mall. I remember passing by it – I forget the name / sign I see infront of this office – but I seem to know where it is. Am heading for that path – I seem lost, at first. I meet this ticket lady on the corridor – She accompanies me to the office – We make a right turn – Almost there, she mentions she’s the daughter of the mall owner – The mall now being ROBINSON’S? Am pleased to know the daughter of the mall owner – I remember the name of owner – faintly remembering the “snake” story at the Robinson’s. She’s at an office table, writing? something – It’s about “refund”? to my ticket? Not sure – I forget the rest – With Nolan watching the movie alone, it worries me what he does inside the theatre. I wonder why he decides to watch the movie alone – I remember telling the daughter of the mall owner – It must feel good to be who she is – Do I think of the owner’s surname as “Litonjua” instead of Gokongwei? -unsure of this. On my mind, I know her name, but not given – Robina? I think she mentions about her love story? Faintly? Not sure of this – I do not know if it is I lying on the floor? / bench before her or her man? according to her faint story – Not sure of all these. I think the movie is already starting when I take a look at the screen – On an ascending escalator, I stare at the ceiling of the mall am in – High, beautiful, grand ceiling of the mall and I say to myself? or Tim and Nolan that GOD WILL DESTROY THIS GRANDEUR OF A MALL.
- Thought or Dream? Unsure which – that if Rio Diaz is able to stay alive and sick when the MANG-AALIW comes, He will Heal her – and that, perhaps Ricky Lo would know this – and he’d be awed by it – not knowing it is I who send him the “Gift Of God” book and the photocopy of my notebooks where it is stated he is to die – that he knows Me already even before Rio does. Not sure if this is a dream.
JUNE 25, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Hazy – Am sort of sliding / skating on a shiny, light blue, glazed? tiled floor / street / road – when Olan asks me what hospital I get admitted to – I say, “United Doctors” – but I correct it to “Universal? Hospital” (Ayala Avenue). In between slides / skates on this floor / road / middle of the road? (Ayala?), I’d answer. He says, “Nagdi-discount na ‘yun” or something like this – He says he gets “hospitalized”? at the United Doctors – “Medical insurance ‘yun” – says he. Lorna is present. On my mind, my hospital is very expensive – it being located in Ayala. I’d say to Lorna or just an idea on my mind that Purita could go through this eye laser treatment – My eyesight is almost perfect. There seems to be some sort of print / seal on the floor – a big round seal of a hospital? Maybe (maybe not) on the floor / road where I skid / skate / slide while conversing with Olan and Lorna – Hazy
JUNE 25, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Checking in a modest motel room with a group – flock? (very unsure who) – watching triple X tapes? – There’s a middle-aged, very short woman who comes in, checks us out, sees what we do, calls / uses the phone to inform the people outside/staff what we’re doing – as if the staff expects us to be doing an “orgy” thing – but not. I’d rather /or does the woman like Tim?/ or does Tim have sex with the woman? Next scene, by the road (near the motel – front) I see a van about to go with Michael V. in it and Bubble Gang cast? As if this is a take – a shoot – There’s a camera taking this shot – as if on cue – Ogie Alcasid approaches (from the motel?) and I meet him, put my arms around him (on his shoulders) and head for the motel – Turning my head around and gesturing at Michael V. that Ogie and I are to have sex by way of my fingers (index?) against his (Ogie’s) shoulder and holding Ogie’s nipples (this is just an act to elicit laughter as this is the Bubble Gang show) – as if am a member of the cast. Michael V. sort of waves goodbye? As the van is about to go –
JUNE 29, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Meeting Allen Dizon and writing down my number to give to him – Am copying what Brian writes down on a piece of paper – but I always make a mistake – I always get another piece of paper to write numbers on – but only just the first 3 or 4 numbers and I make a mistake – 01419 – the start of my telephone number. A scene I’d get a bunch of papers which I think of as just 1 (or 2) piece – I always ask him (Allen) to wait which he does – It seems we’re in Nanay’s house – 2nd floor / behind the divider – (sala and dining). Allen’s companions, a not so old – woman / actress and 2 others (?) wait for him, impatiently, esp. the woman actress who comes to him insisting to already leave. She mentions someone she truly loves – who perhaps waits for her – or she wants to see – immediately. A scene earlier? / later?, where I touch / grab Allen’s chest and see some tattooed “instructions” of sorts (of what he couldn’t do) such as not take a certain college course (“AN”) and another course – on his chest and some other restrictions that he couldn’t / is not allowed to do which, perhaps, during that time he agrees to – (frat maybe?) – It is also written / tattooed on his chest his “true?” age – 26. Some of the tattooed “what nots” are faintly erased. Allen seems naive. He is nice to me and he really waits for me – A scene I talk to Gam and explain how Allen and I meet – hearing a radio station announce that Allen and his companions are invited to a certain place and go there – Hazy – where I join Brian in a carnival and then proceed with him to where Allen is – It seems Brian is originally where Allen is? Unsure of this – Voila, we meet and he entertains me – I think I kiss Allen all over? The tattoos on Allen’s chest seem like small typewritten imprints –
JULY 2, 2004 – VOL. 21
-“ANG MAY ANIM NA BUWAN O SA OCTOBER 2 (?) O WALA PA, KUNIN – HINDI NAGTATANONG ITO, SUSUNOD LANG” – Something like this – As if I read this /or this line comes from the Bible (?) – Start of the dream I forget – THIS IS SAID BY ME? (not sure) – IN A ROOM TO A PERSON (OR 2) AS AN INSTRUCTION TO A COMING / AS A PREPARATION FOR BATTLE (?) /OR AN ASSAULT.
-THAT LIFE IN AMERICA IS JUST THE SAME AS IT IS IN THE PHILIPPINES – EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR (TIME RUNNING TO MAKE UP THE WHOLE HOUR, 24 HOURS A DAY) – BORING, EMPTY – LACKING IN ESSENCE AND SUBSTANCE.
JULY 4, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Am in front of a fireplace looking area where I see a large fish being drawn by water / water spill from under / a basement? / underground area that I feel gets burned or something. There’s an overflow of water and several huge fishes are drawn to the surface / through the opening on both sides of the fireplace looking area. I hurry to go the other house / our house? where I get a long steel bar / rod – perhaps the kind used in fireplaces to fix the wood for burning – I go back to the “fireplace” and use the rod as a spear – I pierce the fish’s body and bring it to the other house – Going back to the fireplace again, I see another big fish, later, just a big fish head. A scene with Cathy where she sees another fish coming out of the overflow – There seems to be some people out infront of this fireplace – I get this black, scaly fish and give it to Cathy – but somehow I worry if it’ll have a bad effect eating these fishes / fish. Cathy says, “napautot” siya over something – Later, the kind of fish that is drawn by the overflow is a big fried fish – I get it – then comes another big fried fish. A scene where I look at the building where the fireplace is located (lowest floor) basement floor? It is a 3-4 storey building, and it is that what is under the building / basement structure is burned – some burnt wood afloat – THAT IT IS A CHURCH. A scene where Antonio Banderas who asks about the fate of the burned church from someone.-perhaps he is the head / leader of this church?
- Thought, Dream or Vision – Waking up a bit from this dream – I see the title of a “Daily Bread” issue, “EVERLASTING TRAIL”. – Waking up again later, I’d seem to see a newspaper headline, “30 QUAKES . . .”
JULY 9, 2004 – VOL. 21
-In a joint / crowded room, I see Niño with a bag come in – I grab a phone – Checking on the other line if he (Niño) is checked-in / living in a particular place – I lower my voice so Niño, who’s just somewhere near me, wouldn’t hear my inquiry – Instead of using his first name, I change it to another – Nelson – I ask the man in the other line if a Nelson C. lives there? I leave the place – I see Niño behind a post (?) / divider – It seems he sees me, too – His head bowed down – as if embarrassed to show himself / he hides from me? Unsure which – Seeing Niño for the first time in a long while makes me nervous – This is the day I associate with the song, “Sana’y Wala ng Wakas” (Not given / just felt) – As if Niño has intentions of talking to me, but backs out the last minute? Just a thought – not given –
-I go to a place where I see this familiar woman – She’s on top of something that is before me (a table? a bed?) – She sleeps – To my left, I see part of her house (the stairs) where 3 little tykes come down from it – (mestiza-looking kids ages 3-4?). There’s another woman who comes asking that we put newspaper on the ground below the table this woman sleeps on – The kids may go there – so they don’t get dirtied up? – I think there are few people waiting? for this woman to wake up – I’d see her shirt raised up to her thighs. Later, it would be that I’d recognize this woman sleeping – It’s Thelma – the faith healer from _________ – She’s up now – holding her cards to read the other woman’s future? Am to have mine told? But then again, MY GOD FORBIDS THIS AND THAT I AM HIS ANOINTED ONE – I can’t have my future told – It seems Alex is behind me / among the few crowd / people waiting up for Thelma? (Not given). I walk out of the place –
JULY 9, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Am watching a movie in a _______ theatre – It seems I move my bowels – Am seated at the front row still holding a “tabo” to wash my butt / ass. There’s a woman (seated) to my left with a child in tow – She talks to me, hustling me – She talks about the movie we’re watching – A liberated movie that always uses the word “blow-job” like any casual word – Am not seated at the front row – as I see several rows infront of me. I see a man toying with his child (on his back) – I suspect, initially, a young boy sucking this man – since the movie is a bit bold with its theme / plot. Unsure if it’s a scene in the movie where I see several men lying down and a young boy on top of one man (ass-fucking the young boy). I say it could just be an act – as I see a “fake-looking” phallus in and out of the boy’s ass – Later, I’d see Sharon Cuneta’s face, as if it were posted / attached on the young boy’s back – Now, it seems it is a movie by Sharon? -unsure of this – My seatmate still hustling me – I, silently, wash my ass with this water in the tabo – Check out if I have my briefs on, as I see I hold another brief along with my khaki pants (my usual attire). I put on my pants – I wonder why the edges of my pants aren’t folded, yet – Newly washed? I remember wearing it awhile ago – There’s a little girl who passes / walks infront of me – This seatmate of mine says, “The girl’s a niece of someone __?__” – She now has 2 girls with her. Hazy – Next scene, am in this seatmate’s house – Earlier, in the theatre, I would see this woman / seatmate wearing white uniform / yaya / maid uniform – It seems I go with her to her house – Next morning, Lorna Tolentino goes out and talks to this woman. Lorna asks / says something to which this maid answers, “Opo”. Lorna mentions her husband (Christopher de Leon) hires / gets this handsome man staying in their house. Now this scene with Lorna seems like a movie – That Christopher is gay in the movie and makes out with this handsome man. Earlier, I say watching this “bold” (at least, in dialogue) movie would rouse many men / boys in the theatre – but, am in ______ – It would be such a shame to “look” around – as someone I know could recognize me.
JULY 10, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Recalled portion only – I remember checking in at a resort– into my room (alone). Jericho Rosales plays a big part in this – We are together outside / within the premises of the resort – Can’t remember what we do – tender moments (?). All I can remember is he goes back to his room (separate) – He has some friends with him – He’s taking a shower as I am seated on a bench outside / fronting his unit – Am texting someone – Jericho? -unsure of this – I can see from where I am Jericho in his unit – noisy voices with his friends – I see the shirt am wearing – orange striped- T-shirt – the one I wear at the Clark Hospital (?) (Tita Tess) -unsure of this – Could just be similar? I decide to change my outfit as Jericho surely will – I get to my room – I see 2 rooms. About to unlock the right side room, the security guard comes to help out – I see the right side room isn’t done, yet / still being fixed / built. Mine is the left unit – I hold several / set of keys with me – Am to unlock the padlock (small padlock). I search for the key that’ll fit into the padlock. Door opens – I see my backpack? on the bed – and some stuffs on the dresser. Am to ask the guard if no one breaks entry to any of the rooms / my room – (just an ounce of precaution / checking out security). I don’t ask the question. Closing the door, I see there’s another bag elsewhere – and a man standing (his back to me) by the window. I breathe a sigh of dismay? / discontent? that he follows me – He’s someone I know – my lover –who’s able to track me down (where I go) here in this resort. Chinky- eyed (not chinky-chinese) – dark eyes / lashes, young, moreno – a la Oliver Martinez – He’s the guy (?) in my first dream today – (beach resort). I see myself with a towel wrapped around my waist and an open polo shirt? (unsure of the top) – As if that segment with Jericho is deliberately “edited” out? Something about Jericho and myself – I have him in my heart – aching as he goes back to his room and I wait for him. – Jericho has 2 male friends – One is stout.
JULY 11, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Reverie? – The sound- strong – On very rapid pace, coming out / zooming out of a tunnel? / a la barrel of a gun into the mouth of the tunnel / a la rim of the gun, I see a whitish moving object slowly becoming the shape of a white horse – Suddenly, it’s just the face of the white horse – Like a light at the end (entrance) of the tunnel – That I will cause a lot of hardship / problems to many with my outfit- I am seated wearing what I consider a very casual T-shirt (YELLOW?) and pants (YELLOW?). A man passing by would say that I would cause such problems / hardships to others – Something like this –
TRIVIA:
The Presidency of Benigno Aquino or/ the emergence of the Mission during Benigno Aquino’s presidency
JULY 11, 2004 – VOL. 21
-As if out on a terrace, am standing, staring at Grace who’s holding 2 wine bottles – She says, “Hindi na ako makakabili ng “TAGLE” (?)” – unsure of Tagle – I open my eyes / blinking it several times and yet, I see darkness / black. MY EYES ONLY SEE DARKNESS / BLACK – I faint / collapse – I hear Gam’s voice talking to some people (1-2 – My friends) (?). IT IS AS IF THESE FAINT SPELLS / COLLAPSES NORMALLY OCCUR – Am wearing only a towel wrapped around my waist (?) and a T-shirt – With Grace, not necessarily seeing darkness / black – just that I don’t see anything – Another scene, I stare at something – blinking my eyes, but I don’t see anything. With Grace, I see her and the 2 bottles (Could be my “other” eye) yet, I don’t see anything –
JULY 11, 2004 – VOL. 21
- I forget the dream where I say “THE CHANCE OF AN?/ THE ? EXTINCTS”- I am telling/ saying this to someone.
JULY 13, 2004 – VOL. 21
Recalled portions only – I forget the start of the dream – Like a period foreign movie. I am dismissed? / or I lose connections of sort – me and my friend / companion go to someone I meet, earlier, in the first part of this dream in a ship – a molato named Fr. Paco de Jesus – In the ship / boat, I see him – We sit on a bench? and I call him Fr. Franco de Jesus – He corrects it – saying “Paco”. He informs me his boss? / superior faces his nemesis? – A mention of a French? dog and an ordinary- looking dog – don’t know what connection. Next scene, triumphant is his superior – We’re on board some sort of olden vehicles – Carriages – Fr. Paco, now promoted to some position, wears a different attire and becomes rich, riding in an open carriage (with horses?). His subordinates seem promoted, as well. – Richer – as their superior triumphs over his “nemesis”? There’s this woman who separates from her Governor (?) husband, who unites with another woman. This Governor dies and the woman she unites with gets some sort of inheritance / payback – P135M / P136M. The Governor’s wife gets envious of the woman her husband unites with over the money. She slaps the head of the man beside her who informs her P136M, but instead she realizes it’s P137M the woman gets (135M – 136M – or 136M to 137M) – This governor’s wife, the woman her husband unites with and the man are riding in an open carriage as well – I on a horse (?). Unsure of this – It seems I get some sort of promotion (?) /or given / get some sort of money/prize – “Naambunan” or something? Not given – The woman the Governor unites with says the money “IS DUE TO THE GOVERNOR’S WIFE TODAY” – Don’t know if Fr. Paco de Jesus becomes Governor?
JULY 15, 2004 – VOL. 21
-It seems I runaway from home and go to Tobey McGuire’s place – Am in the room with him – It is given he is sick – A scene with him and his gf on the bed – On my mind, I plan to sneak into his Spiderman costume and be Spiderman while he’s indisposed – A scene where I am on my way back home with my backpack. On the street, I worry about Nolan who may leave because am gone – but I need to be Spiderman and think of going back to Tobey’s place. Next scene, Aga Mulach comes / visits Tobey? Another scene, outside / on the street with Aga who calls Jericho Rosales as “Ano, EDDIE”. Suddenly, Jericho takes out some papers or cards he wishes Aga to sign – Jericho says, “Pwede? Sign mo lahat” – From Jericho’s hand comes a long strip of calling cards? / papers – like a card wallet. There’s another guy with Aga and Jericho. – Is it another dream where I am focused – standing – wearing a polo shirt (short sleeves) with a backpack – I seem to be youngish (?). not sure of this – with hair.
JULY 25, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Tim, Nolan and I are in the U.S. – A scene where am driving a car with the two – cruising around the U.S. – We are headed for a particular place? / state? There’s a patrol car parked on the side. When we pass, he signals / points / gestures (with the hand) if we’re heading straight – I get scared – I think I’d be caught because of speed or my papers / driver’s license, since I don’t have an International license or something – A scene where the road seems descending / downhill and I back out – perhaps this is what the policeman who looks Asian / Filipino is gesturing about – Next scene, this policeman is with us – that he is a photographer? of sorts – and wants our picture taken over something (?). In our room (hostel? room), I see a different set of friends, 2 guys – One is Vhong Navarro – I tell them of this Filipino police? / photographer who wants to take our picture. The 2 agree – Vhong poses comically – his hair curly (big wavy hair / shirtless). The other poses with his clothes on – I don’t pose / have my picture taken – Don’t know why –
-A scene where I see many passports being processed. It’s as if they’re for us (?). Unsure of this.
JULY 29, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Recalled Portion Only – Am inside a church – I forget details – Another scene where I am about to enter a church – There’s a woman who suddenly approaches me and hugs me by the waist – She says, “I BELIEVE YOU ARE JESUS” – Something like this – AND I WEEP TELLING HER SOMETHING LIKE THIS – “ANG LAHAT NG PANGAKO NG AKING AMA IBIBIGAY KO SA ‘YO / GAGAWIN SA ‘YO” – Later, I’d say (next scene), “Mamaya na lang, kuha mo muna ako ng kape”. The scene turns comical – Woman says, sensing it’ll be expensive – “Wag na lang” – I think she is to buy coffee instead at a carinderia or something – to which I agree – Maybe she’d buy me 2 cups of coffee? Weird dream –
AUGUST 2, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Benjie Paras lies on a branch of a tree / high up a tree – I embrace him – The two of us lying on a high tree branch. I nestle my head on his tummy, later. Embracing him, I tell Benjie I am in heaven – Benjie says it, too? It seems he turns around – his face facing the ground – I am on his back as I tell him – “Namba-babae ka lang” (disbelieving his statement that he’s also in heaven with me?) –
AUGUST 7, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Hazy. I’d sort of will / command my right foot to rotate / turn – circling / round motion, clockwise – To determine how many years are my sufferings / my sufferings would be – A full circle being 1 year. I count 6 years. I repeat it again – but it comes out as 4 years. In my dream, I know these years are already almost over? – I PRAY –
AUGUST 8, 2004 – VOL. 21
- A scene inside a church – Am seated at the back row – I think am naked? or wearing a sexy attire? (not given) – One guy sits beside me and puts his right leg beside mine / touching mine – He whispers to me – something about us making out – in his room or mine. Where I stay, there are about 4-5 guys in my room / every room – if only to make him realize I stay also in this dorm – (am I?)- unsure of this. He gives me his name – Lito Go. It occurs to me that I should / could get his cell number, but I don’t? -unsure of this. A scene I tell this incident to Gam – about this very handsome Lito Go – and his brother Rolito Go, son to Mother Lily who promises something – to her – “Tatakasan niya __?__” for something? – I forget– A scene I am browsing / turning the pages of my notebook / Book of Prophecies and seeing Mother Lily’s name several times – that I dream of her several times – Pointing out this fact to Nolan who’s beside me.
AUGUST 11, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Will Ferrell being “Elf” – I change / wear his costume as Elf – as I am an elf myself - ? – Hazy – It seems I’d ask Ferrell how I look as I wear the Elf outfit / costume.
AUGUST 14, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Hazy – Recalled Portion Only – Nolan and I walking – It seems we cross a bridge? unsure of this – Short bridge? of sort that separates my house? / Nanay’s? from Nolan’s house – something like this. Nolan walks casually – I call his attention to this – that his mother could see him as he never exerts any effort to conceal / hide himself. Across the bridge? / canal?, Nanay sort of calls me. There are several (about 3-4 people / friends / colleagues of hers with her). She asks me about the progress of what she requests me to do – Something about her property – (informing a real estate company? about her house? not sure of this) – I gesture – “None” / no response from them – As I remember quickly what she’s asking me about – Nanay taunts me with this, “So, what are you doing now?” (Sarcastically). I say, angrily- “MAN CANNOT DO IT BY HIMSELF – EVEN IF IT TAKES ANOTHER 46 YEARS, I’D DO IT” – something like this. I cry – with this statement. Nanay looks at her colleagues and they all nod their heads in agreement, of sort – A confirmation, of sort, over what, perhaps, Nanay tells them, earlier – that perhaps, I AM THIS COMMITTED TO MY CAUSE – A ROCK OF FAITH – It is as if these colleagues of Nanay just want to see this “FAITH” for themselves – and they leave? – after witnessing / hearing what they need / intend to hear / witness from me – As if getting “real”, I ask Nolan, “Did I say 46 years?” – as if realizing how long it takes (just a thought in the dream).
AUGUST 15, 2004 – VOL. 21
-A commercial shoot using 3 guys as models – I forget what it is they’re to do – but these 3 guys will stand closely beside each other – Next scene, each of the guys is put in a drum-like water container, naked – There’d be some people / observers / uzis like me – I go towards one of these guys and touch his penis – I go to the other guy, too and touch his penis – A scene where I see Mila M. by the window of her rented apartment / condo (tall building). She comes down. It’s given that Mila writes to me earlier that she already arrives 3 days? ago / on a Friday? (unsure which) but when I ask her personally, she says she just arrives yesterday (a day ago) / Saturday? – I feel she hides about her arrival – I think I invite her to watch the shoot? A scene in the shoot venue where some of the girls behind the shoot divulge what I do with the models – It seems my flock is present? and they hear about this? There’s a scene where I ask Mila something – I forget what it is – She says her mother is angry? at me because of a letter I send to her – She shows me the letter – Prints on the letter resemble a magazine ad – I, vehemently, deny sending such – I do not recognize the letter – But then, I say, “I really don’t know” – but I believe I don’t send this letter or any letter addressed to her mother. It would seem that her brother / sisters would connive / invent such stories against me /or send this letter to impure my name. Something like this –
AUGUST 16, 2004 – VOL. 21
-Hazy – Recalled Portion Only – Am in my place (?) (unfamiliar). I see my pet “chick” run out into the street – I go after it – I find it’s just searching for food – There’s a flying insect (the shape of a small cockroach, but not one) in its beak – I think it swallows one insect, earlier. This one it struggles to swallow again. A scene where I sort of “think” of this chick as Brian (my son) – I’d tell (sort of tell) Nolan how fast Brian would run as a young kid and now, would seem a little slow and meek. Running after this chick / Brian, am resigned to seeing it / him dead – as if my mind would say, “This is it – Brian already dead” – or it happens – Brian already dead. But coming near the “chick” that my mind tells me as Brian, it is not dead – Another scene where I think? I put the little chick inside a drum / a trash can / drum where it can search for food / insects – There’s water in the drum – Am trying to get the chick from the drum with some water in it – I have this object I use in trying to get the chick – I hear only some noise of struggle – On my mind, perhaps, the chick has its prey again (pagaspas sound). Since it’s dark as I couldn’t see what’s going on inside the drum. I just consider my chick is struggling to swallow its prey again – only to find out later, that there’s a small mouse inside the drum – and I conclude the mouse eats the chick – It seems am now in Bel’s place (not looking like the Rizal street property) – seems to be an elevated house – Am on the side? / back? of the house – with Jee. Later, I’d see a few steps down the cemented? / concrete stairsteps (outside the house) my dead chick – really dead (not moving at all). I accept its fate, go inside the house (kitchen?) and wash my hand – It seems a little odd that I wash my hand with the water that seems to fall from the ceiling? (unsure of the ceiling) instead of the faucet which I, sort of ,turn-off when Jee sees me using this water falling from the ceiling? She asks, “Ba’t diyan?” I forget what I say – and just turn-off the faucet – right side. A scene (in the kitchen still) am at the lavatory? where Jee’s sister? Menggie? (not given) looking younger with some bandage on her hand / palm? / wrist? invites me to eat – “Sinigang ang ulam” – I sort of decline and this is where Jee comes in?- unsure of the chronology of events. I go out of the house. Am turning left, house is a corner house – Road is an uphill climb – I think I greet LC who’s just outside the house / premises of the property with someone / kid? – I position myself to jog – I think I wear a nice outfit – Perfect for jogging? – I may have a hard time with this uphill jog – Still passing through Bel’s (side) property, I see some kids on the premises of the property (terrace?). Bel would be there – as soon as she sees me, she instructs the kids (Joeyleen?) and others? to greet me – I wave at them as I continue to jog. Still within my hearing distance, I hear Bel, sort of, reprimand the kids to show respect to me – As I jog, I see some nice, tall buildings (properties). To my left is a tall building (not so tall) – The rooftop has black steel-grill design (nice). IT’S A CHURCH. Still hearing Bel’s voice saying, “AALAGAAN NYO SIMBAHAN NYO” – Something like this –
AUGUST 17, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Jenny Syquia holding / hosting a party on the beach – She calls on a handsome guy whose skin (face) is a bit darkened (make- up?) on the cheek? – Nice, tall nose – good looks – He speaks – Jenny wears a dark shade lipstick – Edges /outline of her lips accentuated by the lipstick to make her lips fuller? / mouth wider? She claps her hands as she calls on this guy – Later, this same guy would belt out a Martin Nievera song. I forget what, familiar song / sort of wooing / singing for a girl (beside him) – Some guys in the party try to hurry him up, finish his number – A scene where I ask this woman (celebrity? unsure of this and who) to get me this __?__ as mosquitoes bite me. Am scratching my left arm with the sharp edge of a knife – There’s a guy I inform to that I have 3 bites already who’s at the beach, nighttime. Knife is not a kitchen knife – small bolo? knife –or a small jungle knife? unsure if these types of knives are it / Is it that I use such to softly scratch my arm –
AUGUST 17, 2004 – VOL. 21
- Hazy- Perhaps it’s a Tuesday? I am dressed to go to ________?/ Bel/ flock. I am using a passenger jeep. I pass/ drop by a house (Nanay’s house)- perhaps to get something first. It is given Tim is already in ________. Nick approaches me. He asks me if I know the medicine to his ailment. It’s his ears- he shows me (as he lifts up his shirt) he’s back- There’s a big reddish spot/ hematoma- like spot (but not?) left side back, almost by the waist. I touch Nick’s backside ear and it’s hot- I get worried about him. I ask him if he has fever- I tell him to seek a doctor’s advice- I don’t know the medicine for that, I say. Nick pulls my hand and lays it on his ear- perhaps hoping my hand would heal his ailment. I say to him- “WALA PA, NICK…..” (referring to The Healing Hands). I tell him about my own ear ailment. Suddenly, he takes out a bundle of sugar cane herbs?/ “tubo”?- if I’d like to take them to the flock?/ with me. He says he knows sort of peel them- peeling them very thinly. He mutters a measurement (?)- two centimeters? –unsure. I forget how I should peel one as thinly as a wire/ guitar chord. He brings the sugar cane (tubo) outside as my jeep is park on the side of the road/ street. On the ground, I try to get them- the tubo keeps falling one by one- till I am able to bring them inside the jeep- by the/ under the seat/ right side row, first seat. I insert the tubo under the seat- though I think of putting them infront, earlier. I hesitate to push through the plan to go to the flock because of the long travel- as I’d go there anyway a few days after this day (once a week Talakay). Hazy
AUGUST 18, 2004 – VOL. 21
-My father is dead – Nanay, Georgie (and others?) discuss what to prepare – coffee or instant coffee – I say instead of “kapeng barako” – (not the word used) Cafe Puro (and that they’re just the same and easy to prepare) – We decide to have both – Those who’d ask for Cafe Puro or instant coffee – Georgie gets to keep the money (which sort of bothers me a bit?). Our house is unfamiliar – We are to sleep – Hazy – One nephew? would play with fire that he’d let fall on the ground – as if our house is the usual upper floor, but the ground floor is not cemented (the usual soil) – not even a covered ground floor – but perhaps, open – Ody would do the same? I think – There seems to be no walls, as well (terrace?) where I’d ask him to go down and sort of check on this bits of flame on the ground – I’d hold his hand and lead / carry him down the ground floor and carry him / pull him up, later. I scare him which makes him “gulat” – He laughs showing off his bits of perspiration on his nose. A scene I think of how Daddy could appear to me (soul) – Could this be my dreams where I see my Daddy – that it isn’t really symbolic – but that Daddy would die and appear to me as a soul – The usual thought of the dead visiting the living – Earlier, there are these protruding, pointed pieces of wood attached? to the edge of the flooring that I wouldn’t want Ody to step on – They are soft – and would bend when stepped on – During talks with Nanay and Georgie, I think of how some relatives do not really visit / stay-up late during the “lamay” – but the immediate family who does and that we’d be the ones staying-up late – I think of what to say to my flock when Daddy appears to me – if he does – AS THERE ARE NO SOULS FOR MANG-AALIW OR AS TAUGHT BY HIM – Will Daddy appear? And how would I consider it?
- REVERIE – The usual eerie sound – Am scared because of the earlier dream of my father being dead? -unsure why am frightened – Hazy in a way – Am sort of being lifted up slowly in the air – as if lying down at first? and slowly being lifted up – Simultaneously, I hear / see? a TV show where 2 male celebrities are being interviewed? Ronald Remy? / Eddie Mercado? A woman? host asks if it’s possible THAT JESUS IS ALREADY HERE / ALREADY “ALIVE” – The two (laughing) say “It’s impossible ”/ “No”. Totally upright floating in the air, it is given, I AM ALIVE / THAT I AM HE (JESUS) – And I cry – still crying while I am brought to many Churches / several Catholic? (unsure if all Catholic) Churches where I see, in one of these churches, His image / picture of his face with a crown of thorns? (unsure of this) – I see priests, and people inside some of the churches. And I weep – I feel THE STRONG PRESENCE OF GOD – JESUS? As if GOD, without UTTERANCES, SPEAKS TO ME – GOD SPEAKS TO ME and I keep saying, “YES”, “YES” softly as I am given the task of “DELIVERING” mankind? / people. These instructions / “Yes” replies are given as I am brought to different churches and see Jesus’ images at the center? of these churches – I remember a scene in the heavens? / sky? / clouds. And I feel strongly GOD’s PRESENCE and HIS instructions to me – GOD IS ALIVE. And I cry all throughout because HE CONFIRMS to me that HE GUIDES ME – HE SEES ME – And that I AM HIS MESSENGER. For some strange moments, I feel as if it’s JESUS I talk to – And that HE IS GOD? And, YES, HE IS – I know / remember some scenes- I am brought somewhere else – SPACE? / SKY – I forget – (First ever REVERIE where I forget some scenes). - There’s much noise as the entry to the reverie begins – Am so afraid it’ll be disrupted by this noise – people conversing / laughing. though frightened by something, I pursue – for the continuance of the reverie – Am lying on my left side – There’s no “image” talking to me – only HIS DIVINE PRESENCE – images in the churches are pictureS of Jesus at least, one that I remember –
-A scene where I seem to be pulled-up (still afloat in the air?) – On my mind Am I going to be crucified? As my arms seem to be pulled upwards – scared they would be laid straight on both my sides – but not – It occurs to me, this is already modern times. No more crucifixion – GOD IS REAL – AND GENUINELY SPEAKS TO ME.
AUGUST 20, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Recalled Portion Only – I forget the start of this dream – There’s a man / fisherman? who’s with us / me who invites me for a joyride / sailboat (banca) ride – (he has a small banca) – before he goes home / his way. It seems we’re in a province / a new place? – I enjoin Nolan to go with me – I say I might get dizzy in the boat ride – Nolan agrees to go but says – “Sige, hangga’t nandito pa ang isip (?) / puso (?) ko” (could be the Mission). I sort of get irked by his statement. The man seems familiar to me, but I don’t remember him – perhaps, I only know him in the dream – He says he takes us on this sailboat ride till the next day?- unsure of the next day – Then, he drops us off somewhere / some town and we just take the bus back to this place / home? I ask where he drops us off. He says, “LIPA” – Earlier, when I ask what we take, I say “bus” – to the sound “bas” – He doesn’t understand – He says bus – pronounces it as “bus” with the “U” sound (Tagalog) – Hazy – after Nolan’s “Hangga’t nandito pa isip ko” – comes a scene where I try to corner “him”. On my mind, it’s Nolan I talk to, but it’s another man, shorter without a shirt, moreno, looks like a real man (not Nolan, anymore). I ask, “Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo?” as I put my arm around his shoulder – We’re on the road / street – It is not Nolan – It’s another man?
AUGUST 23, 2004 – VOL. 22
- Hazy- I need a watch?- to keep watch- or time to keep watch- unsure which.
AUGUST 27, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Recalled Portion Only – Hazy – Nanay’s terrace (after the kitchen) burns – I see a small / a bit of flame on the ledge of the terrace and on the floor – I try to put them off – but wouldn’t – I call Daddy? (Unsure of him). He isn’t able to put it off, as well – I panic – I bang Olan’s door (room). My mother (a foreigner) and other next of kin (sisters? foreigners) are inside Olan’s room – having some sort of get together /or just there inside – There’s a man / foreigner? who throws several pieces of white round / ball-like stuffs into the growing fire – Still wouldn’t die – I help him throw these white round stuffs – A scene where I instruct Nanay and others to call someone / some people – or might as well go and talk to them for help – Details forgotten – It is given I dream about this before – Nanay’s house burning down.
TRIVIA:
Nanay’s house seized and demolished by the bank 2008. AUGUST 28, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Inside our house? or dining out, Gam says Bob Z. is around – “He’d love to talk about it” – unsure which – Mission or other stuffs? I sort of panic as I don’t wish for Bob to see me in this fashion – old and bald – the complete opposite of the man he sees before –
AUGUST 31, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – It’s Christmas time / about Christmas time? – There are Pistachio nuts in a plastic bag (from Purita?) that Jee holds – Angelu de Leon tries to get much for her – There’s another one – I forget who. I get the bag for I still need to give Bel, LC, Nolan / reserve some for them. It seems they are just around – Earlier, am getting / asking? / raising? money from __?__ and then giving it to those who are in need – Blurry – where I ask money from –
SEPTEMBER 3, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – Downstairs (unfamiliar house) – I see several girls dancing/rehearsing? – I think they are members of the Sex Bomb Dancers? Last part of the dance would be a single girl in the middle of the girls as she sort of leans on someone. I remember my high school days when I do the same things – dancing – I seem sad. Softly, I go up / climb up the stairs – behind me and to my left side (walls / door?) – (both walls seem to be made of glass / French window-type I can see in passing) outside? / premises? of the property – sort of- reaching the top of the stairs that hits a room – its door partly open showing the medicines I take out / put there earlier. I sit on the topmost stairstep and sort of inspect these stuffs that include some money (rolled money). Infront of me are 2 more rooms – the left room door opens and closes by itself – as well as the other room where Gam sleeps. I can see him as his door opens – He asks why I open the door and slams it – I say to him almost losing my voice /or just could not speak much (out of fear? not so) that I don’t /or am not the one opening and closing the doors of these 2 rooms (Gam only knows his own door? opening and closing). Maybe a ghost? (just a thought in the dream). Suddenly, I’d remember this movie (that is given to me, according to the dream, in another dream or so it seems or I just know it). The movie title is “RESURRECTION” – almost visualizing or so it seems in my head, a scene where I see a miniature image of 2 people? The one on the right is a naked man with his dick wiggling – It seems these characters are in a round frame? (unsure of this). One character in the movie is a biblical character – just don’t remember who – John the Baptist?- not certain about this – A thought of how I’d be resurrected in the movie? – Watching the girls practice, I sort of envy them that all they think about is fun – just like me during my younger days – in contrast to the dilemma that has besieged me all the many years of my life – The doors open and close several times – I think of running back to Gam’s room and sleep on his bed / beside him – It seems I sleep on his bed. Upper walls of the house is focused – nice – painted gray- blue (my kind of color) and white (seems like a new house?) or a newly painted house – Though a bit scared, I do not fail to observe the interior of the house – nice – As I climb up the stairs, somehow, my hairy legs are shown /or I can see my hairy legs (stepping) making each step – I think of the girls downstairs – if they look at my legs? as I climb up – As if they think of me at all –
SEPTEMBER 6, 2004 – VOL. 22
-In my room, Nanay’s house – I see Olan seated – at a small table – I ask him what he does – No answer from him. Suddenly, there’s Melinda – lying on her side – Earlier, I’d see a handsome young boy about 4-5 years of age – Her son – Someone takes him out of the room / scene – I don’t know what I ask Melyn – She answers, “Nabo-bored, eh” /or “Walang magawa” – unsure which – Just then, I remember to share yesterday’s (September 5) signs (Newspaper with “322” headlines). I go downstairs to get them from my car – at the garage – I see my Honda? car being “done” by Daddy – He repaints the (whole) car – Rusty color – Something similar to gold – Rust – It looks “awful” as if Daddy just paints a passenger jeep – It is given he repaints something (paints) before / prior to my car – It seems my car is lifted up / hanging or something – The window glasses are removed? – I search for the newspaper clippings – Couldn’t find them – Under the car I see some newspapers laid on the ground. Daddy uses some of these newspapers for paint spillages – I feel terrible / sad – I couldn’t show these signs to Melyn – On my mind, Daddy couldn’t make the paint as smoothly done as the original paint – It’s quite rough –
SEPTEMBER 12, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Nanay’s house – Some relatives present – I AM TO WED – A scene I lean my elbows against the window pane (facing Rizal Street), look down and see the small area on the roof where the old plant box is removed. There sprout some little shrubs / flowering little plants – On my mind, we could put some plants there – Infront of my room, I am seated. There’s a small stool / couch-like chair and a small TV set infront of it – A style design for my wedding. Charito B. talks to me about me singing at my wedding – She holds a guitar and asks whether I have a minus one of the song she sings that she’d like for me to sing in the church – Purita? who’s on my left side (unsure of her) seems to say she’d come up with something – Something I say about Tim who’s in the dining area – that I could take him with me and check out something (?). Can’t remember what it is – On my mind, I am certain THERE’S NO BRIDE – NO BRIDE COMING – Well, I could always admit that later -(something like this). Seated infront / near the door of Nanay’s room is a bi-guy nephew? of mine who knows that I am gay myself – He shrugs his head in dismay with the wedding stuff (His long hair / bangs falling on his forehead) – I ignore him – A scene inside my room where some of my nephews? / young relatives sort of play around, get out of the window, sort of frolic on the roof / protruding roof between the 2nd floor and the ground floor (fronting Rizal Street). One young male relative, sort of hunchbackish climbs up this thick cable wire – I say to him, “Baka makuryente ka at matuwid likod mo” – something like this. One female relative (Sonny? unsure of this) would peek out of the other window (piano area or sala area) and check on this hunchbackish man and would come to pull / ask the boy down – There are visitors / guests / relatives, as well? (unsure of this) in the sala area – Am I already dressed for the wedding? – unsure of this. Faintly, if at all it is part of the dream, or do I dream it at all – What Tim and I will do is to borrow something from Nolan – his gown? (unsure of this). A young niece / girl relative who looks like Tessa is there with the kids (young relatives) in my room – It seems Tita Tess? is there, too? just a feeling – very unsure of this –
SEPTEMBER 17, 2004 – VOL. 22
- In a place so unfamiliar – A building? that I suspect to be ours?, full of furniture – as if a display room – nice stuffs / furniture / equipment. I go to Tim’s room – filled with many stuffs – He has his own modern, sound, equipment that he plays on / turns on and another equipment beside it – (can’t remember what it is). It is as if his room is filled with so much furniture / equipment (nice stuffs) and not much room space for a bed? It is given, Nolan has his room, as well, filled with nice stuffs in this building – A scene I ask Gam if we own or rent this place. This floor where we are is huge / wide – I go out of the building? – The facade / surrounding of the building is ugly / squatteric – On my mind, maybe Gam buys a lot / property in this squatteric area – (cheap) and develops / turns it into this building? (not so tall) – Examining the area, I see some squatters, entresuelos with houses having holes as windows for exhaust, perhaps – pathetic place – where, perhaps, our building? / property is located – Trying to get back inside the property / building, I couldn’t find its door? / entrance – A scene in the building (our property?) where I tell? that I could wear a crown in this property (as I walk in one area of the place) – Though I feel it’s not as grand as I say it is – since I see some furniture on this particular room that do not seem expensive. But then again, I handle myself by saying, “Only the King of kings? / King or God? should wear a crown – Although I am aware that I am MESSIAH in this dream / this scene. Someone / guy agrees to this statement I make –
SEPTEMBER 17, 2004 – VOL. 22
-With Mila M. – A scene I see she talks to her colleague who’s by the window of a building. They talk about their new assignment or a task – stuff they do abroad where she gets her earnings from – On my mind – just a lonely job abroad but enables her to be wealthy (at least here in the Philippines). Suddenly, am at the lobby of an establishment / building – perhaps, Mila goes up? and I wait downstairs? -unsure of this. I talk to the receptionist (female) – A scene where a female staff of this establishment buys COKE for the receptionist – as she sells some stuffs (extra income) – From a shelf behind her, the receptionist gets a test tube (there are several test tubes on display) with COKE AND MILK MIXED TOGETHER PRODUCING A YELLOWISH MIX / SOLUTION – The woman who orders wants COKE WITH MILK. Another side (left) of the wall – right next to the shelf of COKE MILK – I see several nice slippers attached to it (wall) on display – perhaps, one of the establishment tenants – Their tenants must be making money with this business – I’d tell this receptionist that I know what they do (firm) – getting / buying a property , building it – and renting out stalls on the lower ground – She affirms this – and that we would rent out a stall from them – (big / wide stall). A group of executives? come down / arrive – A group of 4 young men / applicants arrive, as well – One executive tells one of the applicants to submit some pictures – I see the miniature size pictures and some ID size pictures of this applicant – The executive instructs for him to sign them – Strangely, I find myself signing some of the pictures – small and ID size – Realizing this, I isolate these pictures that I sign – The applicant whose pictures I sign (with just my usual initial signature “J”) sits to my right. He notices my very sad, almost teary eyed face – Asks why my sadness – He’s very good looking (warm and gregarious). I put my right arm upward and nestle it on a pasimano above the applicant’s head to hide away the pictures I sign earlier – Carefully inserting them later in my polo pocket. After a while, he’d stand up and go out with his friends – some seems gayish – as he is, as well – I resent not having entertained him, as he must be flirting (sort of) with me earlier – All the while, throughout these scenes, I think of Mila M – if she’d sort of take pity on me, shell out some bucks for me – Later. I’d consider an earlier (years ago) message that she’d leave some P30, 000 upon her departure for abroad, out of sympathy? I go home – Still thinking of Mila – I go set up the table (small round? table) – I see four (4) long towels and put 2 on the small table – Later, I’d see a small square table leaning against the wall / beside the wall with the other 2 long towels – I set up the table – putting plates and spoons / fork – It’s as if this scene where I seem to be awake – and “dictate” what would be a favorable scenario in my dream / life as regards my hopes of help from Mila – that when I go to the CR, I’d find BARS OF GOLD which I do /or that what I think / plan of to find is actualized in the next scene – I’d see GOLD BULLIONS, as well, laid on the floor (CR) and in upright position leaning against the wall – LONG GOLD BARS / BULLIONS – Perhaps later, Mila can come up with money – gather all her money to help me stash these gold bars out of the Philippines? She could come up with a story (in cahoots with her friends) that she’d tell her family – that she’s buying a property or so but in truth she’d use all her money to help me sell these gold bars – Now the scenario changes – as if the “executives” in the establishment arrive – but the scenario seems like an old movie scene – I wonder why the print looks old – Scenario with them is supposed to be current – Blurry – A scene where I see some pile of something / mound shaking as if an earthquake shakes this mound (but not). It is the ghosts / spirits guarding these treasure finds – making themselves felt to scare these people – I sort of pacify these people. Another scene where these ghosts sort of attack (now it seems we’re in Nanay’s house from dining to piano area). I say something to rebuke them – There’s a big cross on the wall that I immediately get to protect myself from their attack – Weird dream – With Mila on my mind, surely, she’d realize no one bugs her financially, anymore, as far as me and my flock are concerned – She can see now that Bel has several tenants renting her stalls – She could see how genuine this Mission is – Mila, en toto, seems oblivious of me? -seems like – Shades of envy as far as Mila’s financial stature is concerned?
*Signature “J” for Jesus?
SEPTEMBER 18, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Recalled Portion Only – Old House? – Altar area – There’s a young doctor urging me to go through a medical check up. There’s another – a young female doctor with him. Male doctor mentions / asks, “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?” I say, “YES” (thinking of the Mission or part of the Mission where I die) – But I say, “But then, nakakatakot mamatay” – something like this. I mention my medicine “Norvasc”. He says it’s a good medicine. Then, I mention Vasopress – I don’t remember what he says – The doctor says something like – Does my family agree to spend something like P20K for my exam / check up? The female doctor is “maarte” – would dance around, model around the altar area (near my room). I get pissed – Ask her why she’s like that – By the window, fronting Eleng’s house, I say to her shouting – I want equal billing / role as this “maarte” gets to me. I want to be doing her “maarte” role just as much – or be noticed as much (something like this). It’s implied that I’m very sick – and need a check up?
-Dining area, Old House – A long bench near the window fronting Rizal Shrine – I lie on my back – There’s a nurse? giving instructions about the / my? feet lifted up – I remember my dream where my feet get “manas” / water mention – and that THE TIME IS NEAR FOR MY DEATH? Suddenly, there’s Gilbert climbing up the stairs (crawling?). Am seated / by the window facing Eleng’s house – He sits beside me and I talk to him – I am aware of the task I tell him to do – get Alex’s and Marivel’s letters (Rio letter / Good News letter) in Anonas shop – I ask if he already eats – He says, yes – It seems their office has a stint nearby – They have a company vehicle and he goes home with them that night – Hazy –
SEPTEMBER 21, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Just got home from somewhere – (unfamiliar house) – phone rings – It’s Ariel Rivera on the other line – He asks – “Ano?” “expectantly” about me still, not “seeing” / calling him (something like this) – I remember my phone always gets dead – so I need to plug in the charger – I say, “Please, call again / just a sec” – to please call again as I will plug in the charger – Don’t know if I call him – but am talking to an operator – but since, perhaps, he’s doing something, I give her my name – “ARIEL” – On my mind, what name do I give him (Joseph?) -unsure of this – We both have the same name – In come Nolan, Cathy, Jay-jay? – from the beach / swimming – as I look around, I see printed curtains (that Nolan? / Cathy puts?). I see the blue pillow case (__________with raffles) hanging as a curtain? or something – I inform Nolan Ariel Rivera calls me – Nolan asks why don’t I call him (suggests) – unsure if I call him earlier – or that the operator checking up on me – Am a little proud that Ariel calls me – Jay-jay is infront of me –seated – I think I say or it’s just on my mind that I’d be more interested in him (Ariel) if he were younger / during his younger days and not now? Something like this.
SEPTEMBER 22, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy / Blur – Unsure of this – The day will come where every ___?______ man may appeal. There are 3 sources of money / donations – I carry a sack of something- 1 million that I’d put inside the facility for?/ from? government?–– “Magulo” / Blur –
SEPTEMBER 23, 2004 – VOL. 22
-A property that Bel and her group go to and check out – Night time – It seems it’s an earlier agreement that I, too, would go the neighboring property (that belongs to me?) that’s so familiar to me in the dream (not in real life) – I don’t go there at the same time that Bel goes to her property? (not given, but seems likely). She goes to leave ahead – I see myself with LA, Cathy and Brian entering the gate of my (?) property – It seems both Bel’s and my property are abandoned (?) / left for a time? – and we check them out – Bel with flashlight pointed at us, sees us entering our property? – The properties are very near each other – a la Mila and Bel’s houses, but not – Closer are these properties. I tell my 3 kids – “Linis-linis tayo / muna” – as I walk around the house (small, modest). I see a very familiar (in the dream) lamp shade that I know I see earlier – that I prepare earlier – put it inside a clear, plastic bag – Every corner of the house / rooms, closets, CR – I write, “I BELIEVE IN GOD” – as if to make bad spirits / ghosts disappear – I go out of the house into a small store room? and another (CR?) reciting the prayer – Out of the CR, (instead of saying “Jesus” at the end? of the prayer, I’d replace it with “ME”) – (Shouting it). Earlier, before inspecting the house, I’d take a peek at Bel’s? property – I see one of them sleeping on a wooden bed / “papag” outside the house (backyard) – It’s cold and damp – but the one sleeping on her chest is thickly clothed. I think I consider sleeping in our property this night – Unsure of this –
SEPTEMBER 24, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – Nanay’s house, ground floor – back area / kitchen area (now Nick’s dining / sala area – Ody is to get my school card in High School – He takes a bath first, at the back (now Nick’s CR – below the reservoir tank). On my mind, he should be getting my College card, as well, or instead? I go to him and check him out – He is pissed at 2 other relatives (young nieces?) of mine (seemingly about his age) – They are all lined-up for water coming from a hose – It seems Ody’s basin doesn’t get enough water as the girl in the middle has the hose and nastily dictates on who and how much water one gets– I think I say to this girl / niece – “It’s a boy’s game? / world?” (not sure which). Suddenly, Ody’s gone / off fixing himself – (done with bathing?). Unsure what Olan is up to or about to do – It’s actually for me – Something to do with my report card – Am now fixing myself – facing the mirror, putting something on my face / skin – every bit of corn (corn pellets / kernel corn – gently cut in half) and placed on my face – Under the eye area, cheek – I SEEM TO WEAR LONG? HAIR AND “USUAL” JESUS OUTFIT? – Nanay advices Olan what to do once he faces some people as regards my card? Something like to please these people – do something for them – be respectful – Sing for them? As I still put some corn on my face, I tell Nanay that what she’s saying is not needed – I say I’d be the one to get it / go there – JUST THEN, NANAY COMES UP TO ME (TO MY LEFT SIDE) AND SAYS, “I BELIEVE YOU ARE JESUS”. It confuses me awhile. Stopping what am doing for awhile saying, “Sana nga, ‘Nay” – Or, “I hope you really do” – Am almost to tears – It seems Nanay tries to boost my morale? Olan and Nanay don’t seem antagonistic / skeptical about my being Jesus – I think I have a song (ballad) to sing to the people am to meet in school? for my report card? -unsure of where am really going? – With what Nanay says, I think I still doubt her? -unsure of this – I almost break into tears – I think Nanay holds both my shoulders as she says, she believes that I am Jesus?
*Kernel- central essential part
SEPTEMBER 25, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – Am lying down (on my right side) on a wide bed (Old House?). Suddenly, I feel someone behind me – Earlier, I’d smell something – Cigarette? Or tobacco? There’s a hand that pops up from behind me and I hold it – The someone behind me touches his chin with some beard (stingy mustache / beard) and I know who he is – It’s Lolo Odyo (Claudio Q.) – I hear him say, “Malandi ka” – while holding his hand – I ask him, “Sino ako?” in a very faint voice – He says, “BAGO NATAGPUAN / NAKITA NG TAO ANG KANYANG KALAGAYAN” – (Cut)
*Claudio- means lame
SEPTEMBER 30, 2004 –VOL. 22
-Second floor Nanay’s house – Night time – Am to sleep in one corner / sala area? near the display cabinet (separating the dining and sala area?) – Seems like there’s a bed in that corner – Seems am to sleep near / under this bed? The place / corner am to sleep in seems isolated? / separated? since it’s covered? with a white? blanket (something like this) – Somewhere behind me / above me is Kuya Obet who’d also be sleeping – I go down – pass through the garage unto the old set up back door leading to the kitchen area. I go to the dining area, see Olan lying down? – He sees me, too – I go back to the kitchen again (now Nick’s kitchen) – Check on the (left over) food. I see some open (empty) canned food on the mess table – left side. I see 2 food containers (one on top of the other) – A cauldron of rice (with not much rice in it). I lift up this cauldron? and see another food container / cauldron with some rice in it – On top of this rice is a very small amount of corned beef kept / allotted for Lolit – Am tempted to have a bite to eat (hungry and willing to eat a small amount of rice) – Here, am aware of my diet – Olan comes and hands me over something – Without getting it from him, I see it’s a cassette tape of Sharon Cuneta- I decline (am not a Sharon fan, nor do I ever like her voice). I go out – thru the garage, walking on the right of way and noticing Lolo Odyo’s (old set up – now Nick’s sala area) room open (doors and windows) – I close them – Earlier, from the kitchen, I see a long haired (F4 look) guy – It’s Miyong about to enter Belen’s? / Onggay’s? house. He stops awhile and sees me, too. Jerry follows – While on the right of way, I think of how they must take me (with the knowledge? of what I claim – Jesus?) now that Miyong’s mother is dead / recently buried – After closing Odyo’s windows and door (On my mind, my cousins may use it for fucking their whores) – I’d see that Nanay’s windows (landing area windows) as you enter the front door, are likewise open – I close them – There’s a square piece of wood that I put on this windows to double the security – but decide to remove it after – Across the street (fronting our house) is Georgie’s San Miguel van (Daihatsu now – never the type used during Georgie’s time – In reality, never had one). I go inside this van and there would I spend the night (sleep in the van). I’d position myself on top of the seats – Seems okay – A scene where I see Nanay and Onggay conversing – NANAY TELLS OF HOW SHE COULDN’T TELL HER TENANTS / ONE OF HER TENANTS ABOUT MY CLAIM? / THAT I AM JESUS? (Not given) – These tenants of hers are gamblers (holding card sessions / games) as their business. I see Nanay holds / plays cards with Onggay – as if they are in front of a sari-sari store (closed) and transfers to nearby / next stall? Sari-sari store (closed, as well). One card? even falls to the ground and Nanay picks it up – Another scene where Tim talks and laughs (his usual infectious way of laughing at situations) about Nanay and other relatives – That they couldn’t accept or take the images, anymore – Golden image? and other images, “Manipis na nga ‘yon” – As if the flock always wipes these images clean and thus, “numipis” these stuffs – I think I laugh with Tim over the story – IT SEEMS THE SITUATION IS THAT MY RELATIVES NOW KNOW OF MY JESUS CLAIM? -unsure of this – Tim mentions about my Buddha figurine (a high school graduation gift from Diding’s wife) that falls into a “butas” on the street (manhole? but not). And that he intends to get it, but is informed by others that I get down into that deep cavern /or able to get the Buddha – Tim asks if I do. I say, “Yes” (according to his info and I feel it is so) that I do so – I wonder if the Buddha has some dedication underneath it / under it / at its bottom – IT IS GIVEN MY FLOCK KEEPS ALL THINGS PERTINENT / RELEVANT TO ME AND THE MISSION, INCLUDING THESE IMAGES – AND THE BUDDHA – On my mind, I query – that they keep this Buddha gift – I remember at the bottom of the Buddha, my aunt attaches a peso? coin (with scotch tape for luck). – With Olan, there’s a song being played? /or a certain lyric of the song – I know it – but I forget it – Sayang – I don’t recognize Miyong at first glance because of his F4 hair – finding him good looking.
OCTOBER 2, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – On board a ship / big boat with a young boy (about 7-8 years old) – A young man / soldier comes out and throws away pairs of shoes and slippers (?) to the ground – Boat / ship at the dock of the bay – People on the ground slowly come out (of hiding?) – Inner part of the boat / ship, soldiers are ready / aiming to shoot at these people – The shoes and slippers are traps to make these people come out – The young boy attempts to get off / jump out of the ship. The man / soldier throws his gun on the table to threaten the boy, but he jumps off just the same – I grab the gun and the young soldier (his back to me) and aim the gun on his neck – I take the young soldier hostage and (don’t know how) we both jump off the boat (walking backwards slowly facing the other soldiers and jump in the same position – into the water that’s about chest deep –
OCTOBER 4, 2004 – VOL. 22
-I am embracing Nolan, his back to me – We seem to be on a bed? / mattress with a mosquito net? (unsure of the net). I speak to Nolan softly on his left ear telling him not to leave me? / to go? twice – And twice he says, “Ayoko” (As if he can’t promise he won’t go / leave me). But as I speak again, a mouthful / lots of saliva comes out of my mouth – spills out of my mouth – right side mouth. Hurriedly, Nolan would turn around and sip up all of it – swallowing every bit of it –
-At the foot of a big stairway, there’s Nolan seated. He reclines his body/ his back on the stairstep, spreads his legs open (his trousers already unzipped) as Raymond (a former gimmick) devours his penis. It is as if I read what is in Nolan’s mind- “At last, I can feel another mouth sucking my dick / how is it to be suck by another man (other than me)”- something like this- his head up in lust?/ climax- that if he we’re to choose, he’d not choose Raymond but another guy/ other guys. As Nolan is being sucked, I feel as if his dick is my dick enjoying the mouth of a new guy sucking it- or so it is what is in Nolan’s head- pleasure- a long time longing he now enjoys.
-Situation – Just peed and lied down – I am aware am not sleeping yet / still awake – Dream? – As if a microphone is just turned on – It receives all the sounds around / nearby – Like a tape recorder just turned on – It’s in the boarding house (Intramuros) – I can hear Lorna’s voice speaking to her kids? / someone. I remember the same dream where I can hear Tim while in his Binondo store – It seems am awake and am amazed at hearing the goings-on in the Intramuros boarding house – It’s my left ear hearing all these – I hear every silence, words Lorna utters like a tape recorder turned on – Amplified sounds – It is given or so I think THAT THIS GIFT WOULD BE EXPLORED / USED FOR SOME PURPOSE / OF SIGNIFICANCE ONE DAY.
-Tim and I come out of a room unto a lobby – Our hands (Tim’s left and my right) raised up – dancing to the beat of the waltz music playing – We walk on what seems like a narrow oval? / bending path walk. The place is palatial like that of old England – Walking on the lobby, Tim and I seem to hold hands /or very close to one another, that only Tim’s left hand and my right are raised up – We approach a room / a hand? or my hand? opens the door – like that in the movies where a door is just opened – And voila! – A grand ballroom / function room with elegantly dressed English? looking people in their old English gowns / attires – Very rich ambience like the old English monarchial parties – The waltz music gets louder and the people dance to it. Women in long tresses and men in their kingly attires – Women in white / blonde hairs / curls and raised up – like old English ways / envoys – I enjoin Tim to dance the waltz – We waltz together, but at the end of the music, all the people leave the center/ dance floor as I let go of Tim who perhaps, goes to the side, as well – AS IF I WANT IT THAT WAY? OR WOULD WANT TO BE AT THE DANCE FLOOR ALONE? /OR I “WILL” IT TO BE THAT WAY – The next scene would be another palace-looking room – (very huge) – I see some people (a family?) being harassed by some men, or perhaps, just conversing with them – Fast forward scenarios now – A new palatial place (Egyptian columns and everything Egyptian / an Egyptian Palace – where a group of people / a family? being thrown out / harassed by several men – Fast forward scenes where even the voices of the people are like squeaks / like the chipmunks – There’s a man, Muslim (another fast forward scene) with some ammunition? wrapped around his body? – Hazy – My mind brings me to different places and situations where I seem to be playing a major part, or the cause of it (not given) – While Tim and I dance our way to the ballroom, I am fully aware that the flock would have fun laughing about this dream – As if I am not dreaming –
OCTOBER 6, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – That I will settle up or pay? up 2 magazines – That I agree to help out my wealthy cousin (as if a foreign woman?) – unsure of this – I settle up only 1 magazine and settle up 1 with my cousin? -for my cousin?
OCTOBER 7, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Hazy – In Nanay’s house, she fetches water – carries pails of water – I take pity on her – There’s Nick? and Olan who I reprimand for not helping her / just ignoring Nanay fetch water by herself – I see am on my knees and she’s on my lap as she pities herself – cries and realizes I care about her – I urge her to go (?) – There’s another woman with her (who goes with her). She goes out of the house – She’s now a little happy? with a car key in her hand – She’d go towards front of Old House (Rizal street) direction to get to her car? It’s drizzling. A scene I go out and go back to her house – Don’t know if I give Nanay some money when I suggest for her to have some time off – IS IT HERE I FIND A ROAMING TIGER / TIGERS?
OCTOBER 7, 2004 – VOL. 22
-A scene I go to a CR (very poor CR). There’s a TIGER – It sees a chicken and jumps on it – The tiger as it devours the chicken is right behind the CR door – (galvanized iron / made of iron door) – as the door sort of moves because of the tiger – I get scared – It might smell me / human flesh – might just put its head on top of the CR door (open top) – Or when am asleep and find it growling on my face and just devours me – While peeing, I see the tank-less john / toilet bowl which has the letters “Jee” - __?__. I would imagine Niño who’d pass by – the tiger eating the chicken – The tiger might just bit Niño’s leg – but perhaps, he has a way of preventing this? It is Niño’s house (very modest house). Earlier, I think there’s a woman (or two) frightened as she sees the tiger above something – Tiger sees the chicken and devours it / jumps on it –
OCTOBER 10, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Reverie – Early am – about 5am – It starts in my ear / with my ear – Heaviness (colds) in my ear – Something gets on top of me – a weight of a body? / something of weight (not heavy) – pushing “itself” / its weight on me – Like a plastic bag of water? / jelly-like stuff pushing itself on me – Suddenly, on its “waist” part / crotch part, a fuck motion ensues – Hazy – A scene I beg for God to help me (with Rio Diaz event?- unsure). Unmindful of the fucking motion, I revert my attention to God – waiting for a response from God – looking up to the heavens – with both hands raised up – I see flashes of light? looking up – thinking that the lights are coming from up above, but instead I see flashes of light coming from camera flashes of many photographers in a booth – Me, with both hands raised up inside a room? being watched / photographed by several reporters – Earlier? I hear myself utter, “God, please? help me” – (Several times?) – Different scenes in different places. A scene where Nolan and I walk in a foreign? country. It is given there’s something Nolan and I wouldn’t agree on / indifference between us – Hazy – Some isolated? disputes in a country / countries?
OCTOBER 12, 2004 – VOL. 22
- Hazy- Lobby of a 3rd run theatre showing bold movies- Tim and I are together as if going down the stairs or taking the escalator down heading for the cinema (It’s already the theatre area). Nolan and Oliver are already on the escalator/ stairs. I yell at them- “PUTANG INA MO, NOLAN! PUTANG INA MO, OLIVER!” (don’t know whose name is mentioned first)- Then, looking at Tim, I say- “PUTANG INA MO, TIM!” I think I see Ricky A. (Abbey) and vice versa- He’s to go to the theatre, too?
TRIVIA:
Tim, Nolan and Oliver were my gay bestfriends- all ex-flock members who bolted out of the Mission because of the many years of waiting and because of varied personal, sexual and financial needs. Ricky A. (Abbey) was another gay ex-flock member. Gays like us are the most promiscuous of all genders and the most difficult people to reform, change and transform in line with the True Gospel. With the availability of gay men, bisexual men and heterosexual men in public places, bars, bathhouses, some Middle East countries (which are paradise to gays), parks, comfort rooms, waiting sheds, buses, theatres, and the internet, gay men would find it extremely and painfully difficult to follow JESUS- and EAB, the man who claims to be Messiah is not an exeption. He is himself as promiscuous and perverse as any gay could be. No less than the Catholic hierarchy itself has rocked the world with sex scandals and abuses.
- I don’t know if this is part of the last dream, where I am to write down this particular dream/ event- I see the right page with some writings/ sketches (that I do myself)- I draw a line/ box around these sketches and write below it “NOT INCLUDED” in full. This “NOT INCLUDED (NI) sign” seems so small so I write another “NI” sign (in full) above it- Still not satisfied with it, I erase? It and write another “NOT INCLUDED” sign but with a letter “Z”-“NOT INCLUDEZ” . I keep erasing? the “NI” sign or do I just keep them there and write another “NI” sign- I see I only have a few pages left on the notebook.
OCTOBER 15, 2004 – VOL. 22
-Nolan and I in Bali, Thailand? / Malaysia? Outside a commercial area, infront of a beauty parlor, are garbage cans. This beauty parlor throws away some bottled products (coming from their shop). The bottles have “Bali” labels on them – I get them – A scene I already have a huge plastic bag laid on the ground where I put these bottles of whatnots in – 2 bottles I get because of their shape – Could be used as Christmas decorated bottles – There’d be one or 2 people “scavenging” with us – Gam and kids are in the car (dark colored car) – Black, greenish / grayish car. I tell Gam about our find.
TRIVIA:
A time in the Mission when EAB, because of bankruptcy having lost 3 valuable properties and all his earthly possessions, went as far as picking up empty plastic bottles for “bote-garapa”. 
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